


You've Been Lonely Too Long

by amory



Series: You've Been Lonely Too Long [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Eating Disorders, Famous Harry, Fluff, M/M, Online Relationship, Ordinary Louis, Texting, and even more easy mac, i mean kinda, lots of ice cream, mostly texting relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-02 12:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 65,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amory/pseuds/amory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has everything someone would need to make them happy: money, fame, a stunningly attractive albeit fake girlfriend, a supportive family, good friends, and a cat. But maybe he isn't very happy.</p><p>Louis sleeps around and no, he definitely does not have a problem admitting to that thank you very much, but maybe he's just a little tired of waking up alone in the morning with only a bowl of instant macaroni and cheese to comfort him.</p><p>Maybe letting Zayn play matchmaker wouldn't be such a bad thing</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I debated posting this before or after I finished ANM but since that is giving me trouble, here is my new fic. Also, I deleted my tumblr because of personal reasons so I'll finally answer questions in the comments like a decent human being, I'm sure you're all thrilled.
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Harry:_

“And the winner of X-Factor 2010 is…”

There are thousands of people in the crowd, Harry figures. The announcer gave an exact number somewhere near the beginning of the show but to be quite honest, he wasn’t listening. Even now, he can hardly hear past his heartbeat and the rush of blood past his ears and it’s been that way since he’s walked out on stage.

Harry wonders if Allison is as nervous as he is. She’s probably only a little bit irritated that he’s squeezing her hand so tightly-she’s never really been one to be easily angered, even after that time he switched her dry shampoo out for spray on hair dye as a prank and she had to be a redhead for a show. She stands now, blonde and decidedly not redheaded, beside Harry. They were the two youngest performers this year and now the only two left, her with her guitar slung over her shoulder like some British Taylor Swift and Harry quivering like the scared kid he is. He loves her though, of course he does, and she deserves this just as much as she does. Maybe more than he does.

And yet here he is. Little Harry Styles from Cheshire, finalist on X-Factor.

From where he’s standing he can just barely make out the shapes of his family, his mum and Gemma holding hands and screaming, a few of his friends with them including of course Niall and Zayn, but he can’t hear them. The blood rushing past his ears hasn’t let up and he can’t even hear the host beside him speaking.

It hits him right about then that this is all he ever wanted, more than he could have asked for, and well past anything he ever could have dreamed of. He’d expected to be cut out during bootcamp, expected it even more when he was in the bottom two a few weeks back. It’s kind of insane to think about how much can change in a few short weeks.

Harry used to practice his autograph at school for fun whilst busy not paying attention to his lessons, but now what used to be just scribbles in the margins of his maths homework are now gracing the covers of phones and t-shirts belonging to the girls who wait outside the gates for him everyday. Having fans is mind blowing, to think that anyone could love him enough to want his signature is enough to get him by the rest of his life whether he loses or not. It’s surreal.

Suddenly there’s a bright light shining down on him and confetti falling from the ceiling. Like an idiot, he looks up because he hasn’t heard a thing. Allison starts shaking his shoulders and hugging him once his ears finally stop ringing and he can finally hear past his heartbeat, finally register the sound of her voice.

“You did it Harry!” she yells into his ear. “I’m so proud of you love, congratulations!”

Harry pulls back, looking around wildly in what he belatedly realizes will be a moment for everyone to replay and laugh at tomorrow. “Wait, I won?” he laughs. “Oh my god, I won!”

His song is a complete disaster. The instrumental is playing but he’s too busy trying not to cry in front of the cameras to sing properly. Any hope of fixing it is lost when the other contestants come running on and he’s quite literally tackled. Harry starts laughing and gives up, hugging everyone back and accepting their congratulations. The host asks him a few questions and he spouts of half-assed answers while his new friends laugh into his neck and push him around jovially.

Everything is perfect at that moment, for just one moment everything is as it should be. Then one of the older contestants comes up to give his congratulations and with a hug, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

“It’s all downhill from here, kid.”

Harry had no idea how right he would be.

 

* * *

 

_Louis:_

“He’s so little, this one,” Louis comments, tipping his glass towards the television. “Only about thirteen I’d say.”

Liam rolls his eyes at his best friend, and then smiles. “You think he’s fit, don’t you?”

“You are disgusting,” Louis gasps dramatically. “He is a _child_ , I am appalled at you Liam Payne!”

Ignoring the comment, Liam turns the volume up just as the boy on screen looks around and mouths, “Wait, I won?”

That’s enough to make Louis burst out laughing. The boy’s an idiot, apparently. He probably should have been able to tell, considering the fact the kid’s been staring off into space since the show started. Liam quite likes him for some reason though, and Louis guesses that reason would be his cereal bowl dimples or his voice that’s way too damn deep for his body.

“He’s sixteen, two years younger than you.” His best friend speaks up again with a fond and knowing smile.

“Huh,” Louis leans forward to look closer at the screen where the boy-Harold, he thinks his name is-is being swallowed by people. He shrugs. “His curls are nice, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Groaning, Louis throws himself back against his couch and reaches for the remote. Liam grabs it before he can change the channel and instead turns the volume up even louder so they can hear all the screaming and crying. X-Factor has never really been Louis’ thing, but he tolerates it for Liam like the fantastic best friend he is. Honestly, if you were to ask him to name three of the contestants past and present he wouldn’t be able to name more than Cher Lloyd.

“He’s not going anywhere you know,” he declares. “None of these winners ever go anywhere, and don’t start with your Leona Lewis bullshit, okay? We get it, you’re in love with her.”

Liam smirks, well used to Louis’ strange sense of humor by now. “I think you’re wrong.”

“Do you?”

Harry makes eye contact with the main camera and waves, his cheeks dimpling in. He certainly looks like the kind of boy Louis would find plastered up on Lottie’s walls, or maybe even Liam’s walls he seems enamored enough with the boy. As does the rest of the country, actually now that Louis thinks about it.

“Yeah I do,” Liam says with a nod. “I think you’re really wrong this time. I think he’ll be famous.”

Louis shrugs a bit, and then smiles snidely, never once taking his eyes off the boy on screen. “Bet you a tenner.”

Liam laughs and thankfully turns the channel. “Shutup, Lou.”


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaayy chapter one! First let me just say that I have most of this fic written already so the first few updates will come quickly and eventually space out more. I'm just impatient.
> 
>  _Louis' texts are in italics_ , **Harry's in bold** , _**everyone else's are both.**_

_Louis:_

 

“Who needs him anyway?” Louis shouts, waving his cheese covered fork around in the air to punctuate it.

Liam glances up from the massive text book in his lap and nods, his eyebrows pulling down into serious U’s. “That’s right Louis, you don’t need him.”

See, he’s been saying that for the past few weeks but up until now Louis’ response has been something along the lines of This One Is Different, Liam. You’d think that after ten years of Liam always being right, Louis would start to listen to him. It hasn’t happened yet and it probably won’t ever happen if you ask him.

“I need him, he promised me to get me into a club this weekend.” Zayn grumbles. He seems more beat up about this breakup than Louis does. As soon as he was informed of it, he laid flat out on his bed and started staring up at the ceiling tiles. He hasn’t moved or spoken since then.

Louis fixes his glare on Zayn, narrowing his eyes. “I’ve just had my heart broken and shattered into a million, billion pieces in the middle of the library and you’re worried about getting into a club?”

Zayn sighs and turns his head to smile across the room at the older boy. “I’m sorry babe, but you get your heart shattered into a million, billion pieces at least once every two weeks. Granted, not always in the library, but remember whatshisface broke up with you in a lecture hall? Mid-lecture?”

Louis opens his mouth to yell at him, but then realizes he isn’t wrong. Actually, he’s very right. Louis is not good at picking men, he usually ends up with assholes who use him until they get tired and move onto another piece of ass. He can’t even count how many times he’s been cheated on since the start of uni almost two years ago, which is kind of sad but whatever. Louis is going to pull himself together and he is going to learn from his mistakes.

“I’m giving up on dating.” He announces.

The other two are silent, each looking at Louis with practically identical looks of disbelief. It’s beautiful, really, they could start a double act if they so desired. Liam finally speaks first, slowly, choosing his words very carefully and just being so very Liam about it all.

“Maybe you should Lou,” he starts with, and then shakes his head. “At least until you get over this one. Maybe date other guys who don’t go here? You haven’t exactly have the best track record so far.”

Louis sighs sadly and stabs a few pieces of macaroni with his fork, mercilessly eating them and ending their little macaroni lives. “I wish El was a guy, we’d make the best couple.” Eleanor, Louis’ customary best girl friend, made the easy mac for him when she found out Matt had broken up with him. Well, the finding out part was kind of irrelevant since she was sitting right next to him when his now ex-boyfriend came in and broke off their three week relationship like it meant nothing. Still though, she ventured into the dark cavity that is Louis’ food bin and made him macaroni and cheese. He questioned his sexuality for four minutes straight.

The room is silent for a little while, the only sound coming from the little television near Liam’s bed and Louis’ fork moving through the bowl of macaroni and cheese. Zayn is tapping away at his phone for a little while, and he’s still tapping a mile a minute when he asks, “Lou, how opposed would you be to a sort of online relationship?”

“If you’re about to suggest I get grindr I’m going to smash this bowl in your face.” Louis warns him. The fact that he already has grindr downloaded on his phone is irrelevant.

Zayn rolls his eyes but finally lowers the phone back down to the bed and sits up like a normal human being. “No, I just have this friend. We’ve been friends forever, since I was thirteen and moved the last time. He lives in London now but he…he doesn’t get out much.”

“Is he ugly?”

Liam and Louis met Zayn when the powers that be set them up in a triple dorm freshman year. Luckily for them, he’s a great guy and even better friend, even if he does sometimes sell pot out of their room, but he is sort of odd about his past. Zayn moved around a lot as a kid and didn’t have many longterm friends, though Louis’s heard a lot about a Harry and a Niall so he’s guessing it’s one of those two…if they actually exist. Louis has his doubts that they both could just be one large cannabis induced hallucination.

Sighing, Zayn shakes his head at his friend. “No Louis, he isn’t ugly,” he waits for that to sink in before continuing on. “He hasn’t fully come out yet, is the thing. He’s eighteen, really into the music, sort of a massive dork but cute. If we weren’t as close as we are now I’d probably have tried with him by now.”

With a loud and put out groan, Louis pulls himself off the bed so he can toss the easy mac container in the garbage. “So like, what?” he asks, dropping back down onto his bed. “You give me his number and we sext a bit, that’s it? Or you can give me his msn and we can ttly omg asl and send each other dick pics-”

“It wouldn’t be like that, not with Harry,” Zayn interrupts before Louis can delve any further into that particular fantasy. “He’s very sweet, too sweet for his own good.” He mumbles the last part like its a bad thing, which Louis guesses it could be.

Louis stares up at the watermarked ceiling for a bit and thinks about it. “Sweet could be good,” he tells Zayn. “Sweet could be very good, actually.”

Taking this as affirmation, Zayn pads across the room to Louis’ dresser. There, he grabs the other boy’s phone and enters a new contact. “I’ve already told him about you, just make sure you say you’re my friend when you text him, alright? He’s sort of paranoid about weirdos.”

Louis tilts his head up to stare at his friend so he’s upside down. “You told him about me while I was still in a relationship? You set me up for failure!”

Zayn smirks and is probably holding back some speech where he tells Louis he’s the one who picks these shitty guys, not anyone else, but luckily he doesn’t give it. Instead, Zayn ruffles his hair like he’s a child and says, “Sorry babe.”

With a roll of his eyes, Louis pushes Zayn away and makes a grab for his phone. The contact simply says Harry, no last name, no email, no picture, nothing. He pushes the screen around a bit with his thumb, thinking about it. What’s the harm, really?”

There’s three familiar knocks at the door and it then swings open to reveal Eleanor, dressed and ready to go out. “Who’s ready to ride the misery train?” She announces, shimmying a bit to get her point across. Liam barely looks up from his book before he shakes his head, and Zayn follows suit. Party poopers, both of them.

“I’ll ride,” Louis announces, reaching for a pair of shoes to slip on. “Come on El, let’s go drink our feelings.”

He feels a bit under dressed next to her in her sparkling black dress in his jeans and plain red t-shirt, but he’s not looking to impress tonight. Really, he doesn’t even want to get drunk he just wants to get away from his dorm and away from his responsibilities for a little bit, just for a few hours.

They’re at a club and he’s sitting at the bar, turning down advances and watching out for Eleanor who’s dancing wildly and will probably need to be dragged home by him so no assholes think to take advantage of her obviously drunken state. When he’s not looking at her bringing the chicken dance back in style, he’s pushing Harry’s contact around.

Sweet, Zayn said. Harry’s sweet. He hasn’t had sweet in a very long time, he’s more used to quick fucks between classes and being ignored when asking if they could maybe go out for dinner. Sweet could be absolutely lovely.

Finally after taking a shot for courage, Louis looks the contact over once more and clicks new message.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

 

“Try it once more Harry, from the second verse, watch the high notes on the bridge.”

Taking a deep breath, Harry nods and waits for the music to start playing again through his heavy headphones. And then he sings. His stomach is growling unpleasantly and all he really wants to do is get back to his flat, curl up with Lily, maybe call Niall over to watch Friend’s reruns. This time has got to be perfect.

When Harry finishes the part of the song he’s been working on for almost an hour now-it’s _his_ song, he wrote it, you’d think he’d get it right the first time-he gets a thumbs up from the people working the soundboard and breathes a sigh of relief. He’s been here recording since almost eight this morning and he is absolutely exhausted.

After a final go ahead, Harry launches himself out of the booth and slips into his jacket and beanie, thanking everyone for their time even though he’ll be seeing them all again tomorrow. If there’s one thing he’s learned about this business it’s that a sad majority of people are assholes, especially to those that help them. Not matter how unhappy or cranky he is, Harry never wants to turn into that guy.

His bodyguard Paul leads him out to the car, letting him stop to sign a few autographs for the girls who’ve been waiting outside practically since the sun rose. “Go home, it’s cold!” Harry shouts at them good naturedly, but he’s serious. It’s absolutely freezing outside and most of them are still in their school uniforms, lips blue and teeth chattering. They all just laugh though and ask for more pictures and autographs and hugs, and Harry of course obliges.

The car is quiet and warm when he enters it and he falls back into the seat with a soft sigh. After small talk with the driver, Harry pulls out his phone and flicks through it with half-glazed over eyes. There’s a missed call from his mum, an email most likely from his manager or PR, a few group texts from Niall and Zayn just chatting as the three always do throughout the day, and one from an unknown number.

He opens the email first, not at all surprised to see it’s the details of his date tomorrow with Allison Arthur, best friend from the X-Factor and now supposed girlfriend. He’s half-tempted to write back and tell them the multitude of ways in which they should feel free to fuck themselves, but controls the urge. After scrolling through Niall and Zayn’s ramblings for the day, he checks the unknown number.

_so this is zayn’s roommate Louis, he told me he’s already talked to you about me. I don’t know why I’m trusting him and doing this just please don’t be a creep. alright bye._

Harry’s heart sort of flutters in his chest and he has to bite back a smile. Zayn has in fact told him about Louis before, more often lately that he’s been moaning about his lack of an actual social life outside of his fake dates with Allison. Louis’s a theater major, Harry remembers, with a string of unlucky relationships and a “nice ass” according to Zayn, but he never expected the older boy to actually text him.

The text message gets scrutinized a little while longer, before Harry finally gathers up all his courage to text back; **Hiii, this is Harry. I promise I’m not a creep but I get why you wouldn’t trust Zayn…**

And he immediately feels like an idiot because he should have actually introduced himself, or tried flirting, or said anything other than what he did, really. He’s considering jumping out the car door and leaving himself to the mercy of the busy street, when another text comes in from Louis.

_did he ever tell you of the time he was supposed to show me around London since I’d never been and got so high we ended up in some dodgy neighborhood buying fake hipster glasses instead? this is the man you’ve chosen for a best friend._

Harry laughs so loudly the driver turns and gives him a strange looks until Harry covers his mouth and stops it. **Does he still wear them? we’ve considered an intervention.**

_he’s a disgrace to all of us who actual require glasses. I never trust a word he says_

**So if everything z says isn’t true I guess you aren’t extremely attractive?** Harry bites his lip and hits send before he can let himself think about it too much. It’s been awhile since he’s flirted with anyone and actually meant it, he’s not even sure if he’s doing it right. Then again, did he ever do it right? It’s been two years since he was allowed to flirt with someone he was actually interested in and he was sixteen at the time.

The fact that it takes a bit longer for Louis to answer this time is not helping. _that part is incredibly true actually, im chased by hoards of men and women daily its a hard knock life._

For a moment, Harry just stares down at the text. Louis’s only joking of course, but he has no idea how true that is for Harry. As if on cue, the car pulls up to the building. Girls are hanging around outside along with a crowd of paparazzi, obviously tipped off when the car left the studio. Harry leans his head against the cool window and watches them pass as they pull slowly into the parking garage.

It’s of course what he wanted…well, at least it’s what he thought he wanted. Everything is so much more different now when he has to worry about not letting anyone know too much about his life, trying to let his family and friends live normal lives, hiding his sexuality, not sleeping or eating enough, working too hard and too often. Of course there are the perks, like most of his fans, getting to write and sing some of his own music, and being able to take care of his family, but still. It isn’t exactly what he had in mind when he auditioned two years ago.

When Harry walks into his flat he’s met with the sound of the television and Niall, joyfully playing with the cat. He rolls his eyes fondly and drops his jacket at the door, too tired to bother picking it up now. He makes his way across the hardwood floors to the large section of the open floor plan he’s designated as the living room. Niall is sat on one of the sofas, Lily purring in his lap until she catches sight of Harry at which point she jumps towards her owner.

“Hey Ni, watcha doin’ here?” Harry drops down beside him and takes the fuzzy white kitten into his arms.

Niall always seems to just drop in on Harry randomly, not that the younger boy minds at all, in fact he loves it. Niall and Zayn were two of his only friends that stuck around and didn’t try to gain anything from their friendship. It took Harry an embarrassing amount of time to realize it but people can be shallow and everyone seems to want something from him, be it fame or money or what have you. Of course he’s made new and good friends now but he has to be careful who he trusts.

“I texted ya,” Niall says, rolling his eyes. “I’m worried about you, Haz. Plus I had an essay I didn’t want to write, so here I am, staying over and everything.”

Harry sighs and pulls his knees up to his chest, sinking lower into the couch. Lily looks up at him and then pounces up, landing deftly on his shoulder and purring her way into the crook of his neck. It’s only been a few weeks, but Lily has taken to Harry completely.As soon as he realized this is his own flat with his own rules-for the most part-he went out out and adopted a cat. He was never allowed to have one as a kid since his Mum’s allergic, but he’s always wanted one and this is why. Unconditional love and cuddling.

Niall watches his friend stare at a wall for a few seconds before finally sighing and motioning for the younger boy to move. After some shifting around, the two of them end up with Harry’s head in Niall’s lap. “You’re pathetic.” Niall says affectionately.

Harry nods and closes his eyes. “I really am.”

“Hey, stop I was kidding.” Niall scolds, poking Harry in the nose for effect. He then moves to the boy’s hair, massaging at his scalp until he sighs in relief. “What’s the matter, H?”

He shrugs and moves his hand up to pet Lily who is still laying across his neck, purring loudly. “I’m just tired that’s all,” he lies. “I’ve got a date with Allison tomorrow, another recording session too, and I just want to sleep. Plus my stomach won’t shutup.”

Niall makes a disapproving noise in his throat and stops his fingers. “When did you eat last?”

“Dinner last night, but I had a red bull at lunch to keep me up.” It’s a lie. Not the red bull part, but the fact that he didn’t eat dinner last night, in fact he didn’t eat lunch either. He’s been running on the egg whites he had yesterday morning and doing pretty well with it if you ask him. In a sick way, he’s pleased about it.

At that, Niall gets up and walks off to the kitchen. Harry can hear him poking around in there looking for something to make or heat up, and decides to check his phone again.

There’s another text from Louis, and he opens it with a smile. _what are you doing up anyway? shouldn’t you be in bed dreaming about sugarplums or whatever it is kids your age do?_

Harry laughs and quickly covers his mouth so Niall doesn’t get suspicious. **Just got outta work im gonna hang out with my best friend and my cat until I fall asleep its exciting. but what do you mean kids my age? Zayn told me you were 20**

_christ thats a shit job its 2 am you know I should be getting my beauty sleep but im mid crisis mode you have a cat? are you a crazy cat lady?_

That is followed up quickly by a message reading, _p.s. i am 20. a very young 20. twentyteen if you will._

“Who’re you textin’?” Niall asks when he returns wielding a few containers of the mexican food they shared the night before last when they were hanging out.

Harry shrugs and sits back up, cradling Lily to his chest so she doesn’t fall. “Just this guy, Zayn’s friend Louis? Not the one he likes, the other one.”

Niall’s face splits into a grin and he sits back down, gently shoving Harry’s shoulder with his. “The roommate right?”

Harry nods and looks back down to the food wearily, adding up the calories in his mind. He’s been lectured nonstop lately about his weight and watching his diet by trainers and his management team. There’s no way he’ll be able to purge this back up tonight like he usually does when Niall is around and they gorge themselves on unhealthy food; Niall’s staying over tonight and he refuses to do that when his friends are around unless it’s absolutely necessary.

When the other boy notices his friend isn’t eating, his frown deepens. “Do you wanna order something else? Not much to choose from in your kitchen mate, you should probably go shopping.”

“Do you think I’m getting fat?” Harry blurts out. Niall looks over at him, startled, and he just shrugs. “I saw some of these pictures today of me shirtless when I was surfing in Australia a few weeks back. My manager probably saw.” He glances down at his stomach where Lily is now hanging out and starts prodding around. He’s met with muscle but his fingers still manage to find pudginess there if he squeezes hard enough. As if protesting, his stomach growls at the food he’s still refusing to move towards.

Niall’s blue eyes turn cold and narrow while he pulls his hands into fists like he’s going to punch something. “Harry. Eat.” he growls. “You’re just as skinny as ever, skinner actually and it isn’t a healthy skinny. It’s an ‘Anne calls Niall because she’s so worried about her son skinny.”

And he knows Niall is lying, but the part about his mother still makes him groan. “Mum called you?”

His mother is a worrier and feels the need to constantly remind him that he’s still her baby boy or something along those lines, but lately she’s taken to calling Niall and Zayn as well for their opinion on how they think Harry is doing. He’s even caught her on the phone with Paul a few times too, and its more than a little embarrassing to have her call around like he’s a child or something.

Harry can just see the headline now, _Mama’s Boy Harry Styles Has His Mother Fight His Management Team: Wets Bed, Cries For His Favorite Blankie_

Niall nods and effectively interrupts Harry’s train of thought. “Yeah, eat your fucking food or I’ll call her back and tell her you’re refusing.” While Harry eats Niall watches him closely, which he’s used to, but instead of telling him to Watch how much of that rice you’re having Harry, you have to watch your weight you know, girls love your abs Niall threatens to kill him in another different ways until he finishes the entire container of rice and beans and then something else.

He decides he can use the shower as his excuse later when he has to vomit it all back up.

**It’s a great job it can just be a lot sometimes and im not crazy promise I only have one cat her names Lily**

Harry texts Louis back while Niall rambles on about his day. He came to London for uni but secretly he did it because he’s worried about Harry getting along by himself. Zayn had already been off to uni when Harry won X-Factor but offered multiple times to transfer out. Harry refused of course, he doesn’t want their lives to suffer any as a result of his decisions.

“So this guy. This Louis texting guy,” Niall says slowly, a mischievous look in his eye. “Is he fit?”

Harry laughs and shrugs. “Zayn said he was but I wouldn’t really know.” Zayn, realizing that being the best friend to a superstar could lead to unwanted fangirls, quickly deleted his facebook and twitter two years ago, so Harry’s never actually seen full pictures of his roommates. He gets descriptions though, mostly of the younger one Liam who he has a massive thing for, and a few blurry and drunk pictures here and there, but not an actual picture of just Louis.

“Ask Z for a picture, christ Harry!” Niall scolds.

He does, and Zayn texts back with a picture of a boy spread out across the carpet of their dim dorm room, looking up at the ceiling with the caption, _**he thinks he’s having a quarter life crisis he keeps babbling about how none of his ex’s never actually called him by his first name? he wants liam to make him a chart or something save me.**_

Harry stares at the picture for a bit, and then groans loudly. “Oh no. Ni. Niall, he’s fit, like really fit. I can’t do this.”

He’s tiny too, Harry’s mind reminds him, tiny and pretty and so unlike you.

Another picture comes pinging into his phone of Louis very close to the camera with a bowl of instant macaroni and cheese in his hands, grinning with flushed cheeks like he’s been running or more likely drinking. _**he saw me taking pictures and wants to model for me harry help**_

Harry tosses his phone away and groans even louder, burying his face into a pillow and sending Lily scrambling out of his lap. Niall laughs and grabs the phone, whistling lowly when he sees the picture. He doesn’t even get the half of it of course because Niall tends to focus on muscles and things that Harry guesses straight men notice in guys, while he noticed Louis’ blue blue eyes, his feathery hair that sweeps over said eyes, his collarbones with script underneath them, the bow of his lips, everything.

“Niall, I can’t text him I’m gonna cry,” he mutters into the pillow. “He’s fucking beautiful.”

Laughing, Niall tosses the phone back. “He texted back. Sit up Harry, you aren’t done eating yet.”

_if you have a wank to those pictures I believe zayn just sent to you, I wanna hear every little detail._

Harry chokes on his enchilada. 


	3. Chapter 2

_Louis:_

 

“Lottie, who is Harry Styles, I don’t understand!” Louis yells into his phone, wincing when his little sister just starts screaming all over again. He looks up to the other boys for help, but Liam just shrugs and Zayn is laughing too hard to say anything. Louis needs better friends.

This is going to require his stern voice. “I swear to god Charlotte, calm down or I’m going to hang up. I’m in the cafeteria and people are staring.”

The guilt trip must work because soon all he can hear is heavy breathing on the other side of the phone, which is ostensibly is her trying to calm down but it sounds more like Liam when he gets drunk and tries to call you for a ride home without slurring. As if that would keep you from noticing he’s drunk.

All Louis did was ask what she wanted for her birthday and she immediately started screaming about a Harry Styles, whoever that is. He waits patiently until her breathing has returned to normal and she says, “I want tickets to a Harry Styles concert.”

He rolls his eyes. “You could have just said that, Lottie. You ruptured my ear drum and now Zayn is laughing at you.”

Lottie falls silent and Louis can practically see her face turning beet red all the way over in Doncaster. She met Zayn the year before last when she came to visit for a weekend and has been harboring a not-so-secret crush on him ever since. It doesn’t help that Zayn is a natural flirt who feeds into it like an asshole.

“Zayn’s there?” She squeaks.

Louis groans and rubs at his tired eyes. It’s too early in the day for this much hormonal drama, he’s reached his limit of it and he hasn’t even spoken to Eleanor yet. “Yes, please control yourself,” he sighs into his mobile. “As long as you stop screaming, he will probably stop laughing.” Zayn just shakes his head and pulls his phone out, typing out a text like a madman. It’s almost unsettling at how fast he can text, Louis thinks with a frown.

Lottie is babbling again. She’s about five seconds away from speaking in tongues, he swears. “Mum said maybe, and you know maybe means no, but it’s all I want Lou. Really. You’d never, ever have to buy me anything ever again I promise…you’d just have to go with me that’s all.”

She says the last part so quickly he almost doesn’t catch it, but Louis has become a master of decoding women over the past twenty years, nothing slips past him. It’s really a wonder why he’s gay.

“Lots, I’m not going to a concert full of screaming teenage girls with you I’m sorry. Ask Mum to let you and a friend go or something.”

That sets her off screaming again, something about how their mother wont let her go without an adult, how unfair Louis is, how he’s a horrible big brother for deserting his family for uni, god forbid he ever do anything nice for her birthday. She’s really good at this whole guilt thing, better than Louis is for sure. In a weird way he’s sort of proud.

Unable to take the whining anymore, Louis breaks down and yells, “Maybe!” and hangs up.

“She sounds like Waliyah,” Zayn chuckles, not looking up from where he’s still texting furiously to god knows who.

Louis sets his phone down on the table and sighs. “You’re just lucky you don’t have four of them.” He points out mournfully. One of these days he’s going to have all of them calling in tandem to scream about popstar boybanders or their boyfriends-and he really does not want to think about that, honestly.

“Who the fuck is Harry Styles, anyway?” Louis asks, exasperated.

Liam rolls his eyes and scoffs, as if Louis not knowing this makes him an idiot. Who knows, maybe it does, but he stopped being interested in pop culture around the same time he stopped watching Power Rangers so. “That one X-Factor kid, the one with the annoying song. You watched all the episodes with me that season, Lou.” He says slowly, waiting for his friend to remember.

When he does, he bursts out laughing. “Oh yeah! The little curly one. You don’t know you’re a hot piece of ass-”

“You don’t know you’re beautiful.” Zayn offers.

Louis waves his hand, shrugging it off. Some kind of talent that is, going all the way through a competition just to end up singing songs someone else wrote for you to fourteen year old girls. And he’s not acting bitter because his ears are still ringing because of said popstar. He’s not. Louis Tomlinson is never bitter.

“Speaking of Harries, I quite like yours,” Louis says, grinning at Zayn. “You know he has a cat?” The two of them have been texting since Friday and it’s now Tuesday, and Harry only seems to get more adorable by the day. It’s kind of funny how much they connect to one another despite how little they have in common besides their love of music.

Zayn nods, a smile sneaking its way onto his normally too cool to grin face. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

Louis nods. “Very cute. None of my other fuck buddies had cats, I think it’s a good sign. A nurturing soul and all that.”

“Are we calling them fuck buddies now?” Liam asks with a teasing smile. “That could interfere with the chart I’ve already started making.”

Sighing dramatically, Louis falls back against the booth they’re sitting in. Luckily, Liam and Zayn are on the other side so he doesn’t hit either of them when he lets his hands splay out. “Yes, I’ve decided to claim my virginity back as well. I don’t think I should count any of them as actual boyfriends, since they were all a bunch of cheating assholes. Except you, LiLi.” He drops a wink at the other boy who groans.

“I was eleven!” he defends, his face turning bright red. I didn’t even know what a relationship was, you told me best friends and boyfriends were the same thing-you know what, fuck off Louis, christ. I have to go to class.” Liam grabs his books and leaves while Zayn and Louis laugh to the point of breathlessness.

“Liam come back, I’m sorry!” Louis laughs, reaching his hands out. Liam turns back to glance at his friends. “Please give me another chance, I thought we had a connection!” He shakes his head at Louis and leaves, rushing out of the cafeteria and ignoring the gazes that follow him.

Zayn sighs, chuckles still coming every once in awhile. “That poor boy. How he survived being your friend all those years is beyond me.”

Louis shrug. “It’s a hard job but somebody’s got to do it.”

The final two men break up, Zayn heading off to class and Louis finishing his sandwich on the way to work. It’s quite a glamorous job, working at Starbucks. The visor really does things for him.

He’s just slipping into the horrid green apron when Eleanor comes rushing in, late as usual, calling his name desperately. “Louis, babe!” He looks up and smiles at her, watching as she dodges customers to get to the back room where he meets up with her. She’s breathing heavily like she’s just run a mile and her eyes are wide and panicked. “I need your help.” She says, as if he couldn’t already tell.

Louis sighs. “El, I’ve told you a thousand times I can only pretend to be your boyfriend for so long until those guys notice I like dick and start stalking you again.”

Eleanor groans and droops against one of the stands containing extra coffee beans, sagging her shoulders. “No, I like this one. Like, really really like. I don’t know what to do.” She mumbles, dragging her hand over her face.

Louis raises an eyebrow. “Just be you, he’ll come around.” And it’s true of course. Eleanor could probably have any boy she wanted but she doesn’t do relationships very often. Louis doesn’t know why really, she would make a wonderful girlfriend if you asked him…then again, he isn’t exactly the premier source on girlfriends.

She sighs and pushes herself back up so she can gather up her apron and hat. “Louis, what if he doesn’t like me back? We’re going out to dinner tonight but I just…” she trails off, bottom lip quivering in a way that makes Louis’ heart clench. “I need you to help me look pretty for him, you dress better than I do anyway.”

Louis laughs. “It’s impossible for him not to like you El, honestly it’s a proven fact. But sure, okay? I’ll come over later and help you out.”

Eleanor finishes pulling her ponytail through the back of her hat just to clap her hands, jewelery jingling pleasantly. “Louis! Oh my god, you’re perfect!”

He smiles. “Yeah I know. However, I need a favor from you.”

“Anything.”

“Take my sister to a Harry Styles concert.”

Eleanor stares at him for a moment, before bursting into laughter. She pushes his shoulder on her way back out the door, still laughing. “Yeah, right. Nice try Lou.”

There has got to be a way to get out of this, Louis thinks to himself. There is no way in hell he’s going to this concert.

He’s in the middle of making someone’s frappuccino when his phone buzzes in his pocket. After he practically shoves the drink at the last person left from the breakfast rush, he pulls it out and grins when he sees that it’s Harry.

**Good morning xx**

 

_morning?_ He texts back, still grinning. _it’s noon kid, I’ve been up since 7 what have you been doing?_

When he pockets his phone again he catches Eleanor smiling at him from her place at the cash register. The only customers left already have drinks and are typing away on their computers or studying, so he decides to sidle up next to her and get her opinion on things.

“You have the cutest Harry smile.” She tells him.

He frowns. “I do not have a Harry smile.”

Eleanor laughs and nods a few times. “Yes, yes you do. Your eyes get all crinkly and everything, it’s cute. Let me see.” He hands the phone over and points to the x’s Harry just sent him with his good morning message. She grins and hands the phone back.

“You’re gone for him, Lou.”

Louis scoffs at that. “Am not,” he mutters, not meeting her eyes. “We’ve only been talking since Friday-”

“And you’ve already stopped taking numbers when you run the cash register,” she interrupts, laughing when Louis looks over at her in shock. “I saw you turn that guy down earlier. He was cute, too."

Louis tries to think of some way to explain that but he has nothing. Finally, he just groans and shakes his head. “It’s so dumb, I don’t even know what he looks like! I hate Zayn so much.” He grumbles angrily, crossing his arms over his apron. This was not in the plan when he decided to stop dating. He definitely did not plan on Harry.

Eleanor stops laughing when she sees how sad he looks. Her expression turns sympathetic and she reaches over to rub his shoulder softly. Louis leans into her and she finally just gives up and hugs him in front of the confused looking students at their laptops.

“It’ll be alright, Lou. Just enjoy what it is while you have it.” She sighs into his hair.

Sometimes Eleanor can be a whole lot wiser than the girl who does the chicken dance every time she gets drunk. Louis lives for those moments.

 

* * *

 

 

_Harry:_

 

Harry groans and rolls over in his too large bed, patting around blindly in search of his phone. One his hands land on it he checks the time, and wrinkles his nose. It’s noon. He hasn’t eaten anything over than a few carrots since Saturday when Niall left and when you look past the aching, it feels wonderful. Wonderful, empty, and strangely energizing, even if he does sway a bit when he sits up against the headboard.

His phone contains the usual good morning texts from Gemma and Niall, his itinerary for the day which is luckily just a short date with Allison, and a random text from Zayn. He opens it and smiles when he sees it’s about Louis.

**_Lou has no idea who you are, he just called you that little curly one from xfactor with the annoying song aha_** Zayn’s text reads.

Laughing, Harry leans back against his headboard and closes his eyes. It’s so nice to be anonymous with someone; all the boys he’s tried to get close to up until now have either been turned away by his management team or only interested in selling his story. Even though it’s going to get complicated, he likes being his actual self with Louis and not having to worry about being called “The Harry Styles” or asking him if he wipes his ass with hundred dollar bills.

**Why were you talking about me?** He texts back.

**_We weren’t he was talking to his sister about birthday presents and she wants Lou to take her to see you but he refused it was hilarious. hey ni told me you aren’t eating? call me later alright I’ve gotta go to class babe xx._ **

Harry scrolls through the rest of his messages and sends one off to Louis saying good morning before he pulls himself off the bed. Lily stirs from her spot curled up next to where he was laying and blinks her blue eyes up at him, purring when he reaches down to scratch behind her ears.

“Are you hungry, Lily?” He takes her small mewl as a yes and carefully walks to the kitchen where her bowls are. It’s nice to have someone you have to do things for, Harry’s found, it feels good knowing someone depends on you always being there even if that someone is just a kitten.

He chooses to ignore the fact that he falls over from being so weak when he reaches down to refill Lily’s food bowls.

Louis texts back, berating him for waking up so late and he can’t help but grin at how cute Louis is. After chopping up some carrots and allowing himself one banana, he settles down onto the couch and texts back.

**I work late so my sleeping schedule is a little fucked but I have the day off. what are you up to?**

_I’m working right now but I have class in a few hours unfortunately. after that though im free to help my friend dress for her date._

Harry laughs out loud to himself and it echoes through the empty apartment. It’s only a reminder of how lonely he is. He shakes the sad thoughts away and forms another text. where do you work? **And oh well aren’t you a good friend.**

_Starbucks. go ahead. laugh. I look fucking amazing in dark green, it’s my colour. And yeah the best actually._

**I bet you do.**

Harry grins, proud of himself for a successful attempt at flirting. A pat on the back for Styles. The two of them text back and forth for almost the entire day, taking breaks while Louis works or when his teacher gives him a dirty look for texting.

It’s nice having somebody to talk to who isn’t talking his ear off about record sales or reminding him that celery does not count as lunch. Their conversation spans everything from favorite subject in school to Zayn and Liam’s painfully obvious thing for each other. Louis proclaims that they will soon begin Mission Ziam which will consist of knocking the two idiot’s heads together until they realize they’re in love. It makes Harry laugh that stupid I’m Alone laugh again.

By the time he has to leave for his date with Allison, the only interaction he’s had with the actual outside world was a tweet with a picture of Lily chewing on one of his boots like a puppy. Not exactly what his manager had in mind when he insisted Harry communicate with the fans more, but they found it cute so he figures what the hell. People love Lily, probably more than they love Harry to be honest.

_El is crying oh god help what do I do?_ Louis texts as soon as Harry enters the little restaurant he’s supposed to be meeting Allison at. She isn’t there yet, she always arrives second, so a waiter shows him to their table which is right next to the windows as usual.

**Tell her she’s beautiful and that you love her and that if that guy doesn’t see how beautiful she is naturally then he isn’t worth her time**

There’s a few minutes of nothing on his end, and finally; _fuck, are you sure you aren’t straight??!? shes hugging me now, success_

**grew up just me my mum and my older sister I’m used to date freak outs**

_I have 4 little sisters…..is this what I have to look forward to?_

**…I feel like I should apologize in advance for all you’re going to go through.**

“Who are you texting with that big grin, Styles?” Harry looks up and smiles when he sees it’s Allison walking in. She looks beautiful as usual, dirty blonde hair pulled up into a messy yet styled bun that probably took someone an hour to make and wearing a low cut dress. It crosses his mind then that she deserves someone who’d appreciate that sort of thing, but he doesn’t say that. Instead, he stands up, the flashing of the cameras outside giving him enough time to kiss her quickly on the lips. She winks at him afterward and he laughs.

“Just a guy.”

Allison raises an eyebrow and makes an appreciative noise in her throat once they sit down. “Ooh, a boy huh? Is he a cute boy?” She’s whispering and speaking behind her hand and it’s ridiculous the lengths they have to go to to have a conversation in public. Mostly on dates they stick to small talk and leave everything else for when they hang out at each other’s flats.

Harry nods, smiling proudly. “Very. He’s one of Zayn’s roommates, he kind of has no clue who I am.”

Allison laughs at that and rolls her eyes. “Good luck with that then, Hazza, shit. Hurry up and order I have to get out early, I’m missing my mum’s birthday.”

Harry cringes and reaches across the table to squeeze her hand, sending the cameras outside into a frenzy. The relationship was created specifically for this purpose, to gain attention for the both of them, but they still remain good friends. Just good friends, in fact Harry has caught her making eyes at Niall more than once. That’d be quite a match, he thinks with a smile, quiet and soft spoken Allison with loud and rowdy Niall. He stores that away to think about later and returns to the present situation.

“Aly, you should have said something, I would have canceled.” He murmurs, squeezing her hand once again to show how serious this is.

“You’d get in trouble for it, you know that.” She mutters back, but Harry can see in her eyes that she really just wants to go home.

That makes him frown, because she’s right. They’re only here because of him. “I don’t care, it’s her birthday and you should be there. Come on

Allison looks up from her menu finally, dark brown eyes widening in surprise. “What?”

Harry laughs and tugs at her hand. “I said, come on. We’re leaving, did you drive here?” When she nods, he nods back. “Let’s go then, you can drop me off at home and go back to your mum’s. If anyone asks, I bailed on you.” At the rate he's going, his management would probably believe it.

Alison stands up and after looking the boy over, hugs him tightly. “God, you’re too good for all of this Hazza.” Harry just smiles back and grabs for her hand, apologizing to the staff and tipping them for their trouble.

The paparazzi outside the restaurant scream as the two pass. Harry doesn’t like how close they get, especially to Allison, so he pulls her closer to his side and frowns at all of them in what is sure to be a horrible picture for the gossip sites. It’s not really his fault though, they have no boundaries, it’s disgusting.

After navigating through the paps and driving away with no major disasters, Allison drives to Harry’s building and drops him off there. She thanks him about a million times while the boy just laughs and tells her to say happy birthday to her mother for him. Harry stands outside his building for a little while, signing autographs and talking to the few fans milling about before he returns to his flat.

He’s already started getting phone calls from his management team so he makes sure to lock the lock only his family has the extra keys to. The last thing he wants to deal with right now is having to explain his actions to someone. Lily comes padding up to him, meowing in greeting and following him to the kitchen where his internal debate begins.

Harry is absolutely starving. After some thinking and adding up what he’s had to eat today, he decides he’s been good about his diet for the past few days and deserves something full of carbs so he picks pasta. Once it’s made and he’s sent a picture off to Niall so he won’t worry, Harry settles onto the couch to be alone again with Lily and his television.

_hard day?_ Louis texts.

Harry smiles. **you have no idea.**

_I hope you’re relaxing like I am_

**What are you doing?**

There’s a short delay, and then his phone is downloading a picture from Louis that has Harry laughing straight off. It’s him from the neck down, laying across the bed with a container of lo mein resting on his stomach, rainbow toe socks, sweatpants, and a television shining in the background near Zayn and who he guesses is Liam who are picking through brown paper bags. Chinese food. Just the thought of it makes Harry’s stomach roll uncomfortably.

Harry makes a split second decision and sends back a picture of his own. It’s much more simple, just his pasta resting on his legs, boot clad feet thrown up on the coffee table and Lily sleeping beside them, but it’s better than nothing he figures. Besides, you can’t see his chubby stomach or face which is always good.

_oh, fancy with your pasta then._

He snickers at that and bites his lip as he replies. **Well, you know. how did Eleanor look?**

_Beautiful as always. she could probably go out with a paper bag over her head and still get hit on it’s disgusting and I’m jealous._

**I’m sure you get hit on all the time**

_don’t be too sure ;)_

They continue texting until Louis has to go so he can call and tell his sisters goodnight. With a sudden bout of homesickness, Harry pushes his half eaten bowl of pasta away and curls up on the couch, closing his eyes for a moment. The sudden feeling is enough to make him want to cry. He doesn’t know if its the food, or the lonesome, or just the fact that Louis makes him laugh like his sister Gemma does, but he’s soon reaching for his phone and calling his mum.

“Harry!”

His mother always sounds so happy to talk to him, no matter what. It’s nice. “Hey, Mum.”

“Sweetheart, how are you?” She’s trying to keep her tone happy but the worry is still quite obvious.

Harry closes his eyes and sighs. “Just…stressed out, I guess. How are you and Robin?” She doesn’t say anything back. The line goes silent for a little while as his mother waits for him to crack and tell her what’s really wrong like he always does. Harry squeezes his eyes shut even tighter and tries to remember how to breathe. “Mum, it’s just so hard."

“What’s wrong baby?” She asks in her motherly voice that makes Harry start to cry instantly.

“I’m just…they keep telling me I need to lose weight, I need to work harder, I need to sing better, I need to act more straight and normal and I-Mum, I don’t know how to be anything other than what I am. I’m so tired.” Each word is punctuated by another small sob and it takes him a full two and a half minutes to get the words out.

“Baby, I’m coming to see you alright? I should be able to get out there the day after tomorrow at the latest.”

Harry shakes his head a few times though she can’t see. His mother can’t come out here, she can’t take time off of work just to see him like this. He’s ashamed of himself. “No, m’fine I promise, it’s just a lot and it’s all piling up but I’ll be alright.”

As if on cue, there’s a knock on the door followed by the clicking of a lock. Harry finally opens his eyes again and looks up to see Niall walking in. He takes one look at his best friend and comes striding over, gathering Harry up into his arms without a single word. Sometimes Harry thinks his family must have a radar that tells them when he’s on the very brink of an emotional breakdown and sends them running.

Niall reaches for his phone. “Anne? Yeah…no, he has this whole weekend off. You definitely should, definitely. He’s really not okay.”

“Ni-”

“Stop it Harry,” Niall says softly. He brushes a hand through the younger boy’s curls and sighs. “He’s lost a lot of weight, he doesn’t really sleep all that much either…yeah I’m staying again tonight. Alright, love you too bye.” He hangs up the phone and promptly shuts it off.

After a few minutes of blessed silence, Niall speaks again. “Your mum’s taking the train out tomorrow and staying until the weekend. She told me to say goodnight and that she loves you.”

Harry nods and closes his eyes again, listening to Niall’s heartbeat for a little while longer. “Thank you.”

“Of course, H,” Niall answers back promptly, but Harry can hear how tired he is. “Do you think you can finish the pasta for me?”

After some consideration, he nods and feels the bowl being set down in his lap once again. He looks down and realizes his appetite is completely gone and what he did eat feels like a heavy weight in his stomach. All he wants to do right now is have himself a cry and puke it all back up. But he can’t because Niall is here and there’s no way in hell he’ll let Harry out his sight tonight. There’s a part of him, a very small and rational part, that knows he should be thanking Niall for that.

“Ni, I don’t know what I’d do without you and Mum and Zayn, and I just-”

“Hey, stop that alright?” Niall whispers. “We’re always gonna be here no matter what, you got that?”

Harry stabs a few pieces of the pasta with his fork and eats them, trying not to think about the carbs or his face on magazine. He just wants to make all of this up to Niall. “Yeah. I love you a lot, Ni.”

“Love you a lot too, Haz.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments keep them coming xx


	4. Chapter 3

_Louis:_

 

“Zayn, you need to smile. You’re bugging me out.” Louis reaches up to poke his cheeks, pulling the other boy’s face around a bit and tugging his lips up in a forced smile. The two of them have been sitting on his bed, silently studying beside each other since they left their last class for the afternoon. Zayn’s been morose all day but it’s only gotten worse since they’ve been back to their room.

Zayn pushes Louis’ hands away and shakes his head. “I think I need to go to London and see Harry.”

“Why’s that? You know, he never texted me back last night actually.”

Zayn rubs at his temples. “He’s just…he’s losing it, Lou. He hasn’t been eating, he barely sleeps, his whole life is a mess. And here I am, doing what? Nothing. I’m a horrible excuse for a friend.”

Once Louis sees this is an actual serious problem, he gets his actual serious problem face on. “First thing’s first.”

“Lou, the world’s problems cannot be solved with macaroni and cheese.” Zayn moans, but he still smiles his small little I Don’t Wanna Smile smile he always uses whenever he’s brooding about dead nineteenth writers or something equally stupid and Louis tries to make him laugh.

“They sure as hell can,” Louis declares, stumbling up off the bed and making a dive for his food bin. “I’ll be right back, keep being upset.”

No one bothers him in the floor’s kitchen since he’s pretty much claimed the microwave as his own from the start of term. He never goes near the stove, and not just because it still smells like burned pot brownies that Zayn and some girl he was sleeping with at the time attempted to make a few weeks ago, but because if he attempted to cook they’d all be homeless. Really, it’s just better for him to stick with the microwave.

He returns to his dorm room with the two bowls of his cure-all and finds Zayn still wallowing on his bed, waiting for Harry to text him back which may not happen today. Louis grabs his blanket along with Liam’s and drags them over to Zayn’s bed so they can both burrow in them.

“You wanna know something?”

Zayn nods solemnly.

“You are quite possibly the least-shit friend I have ever had, next to Liam of course,” Zayn starts laughing so Louis hits him. “Hey, shutup alright? Listen to me. You’re fucking fantastic, Zayn Malik, verging on fabulous.”

Laughing, Zayn shakes his head. “M’not feeling so fabulous right now, Lou.”

“Well that’s a shame.” Louis says sadly. Zayn just smiles and rests his head on his friend’s shoulder.  He decides if Zayn’s not going to believe him, he’s going to have to force him to believe.

“Remember that time Charlie Number Two broke up with me in the middle of the night and you sat with me for two hours while I whined about it and made me multiple cups of tea while telling me how much of an asshole he was?” he starts out with, waiting for Zayn to nod before he continues. “How about the time Liam got so sick he couldn’t go to the review class for macroeconomics and he was so upset he cried about it until you snuck in to the class to take notes for him so he wouldn’t fail his final? And then there was last year when your little Irish friend whatshisface’s flight home was canceled and he was stuck in London, so you drove all the way there in a snow storm and took him back home with you just so he wouldn’t have to spend Christmas alone. You did all those things, didn’t you?”

Zayn hesitates, before he reluctantly nods. “Yeah, I guess.” He mumbles, not looking up to meet Louis’ eyes.

Louis claps his hands finitely and smiles. “See? You’re fabulous Zayn, and just because you can’t go be with Harry right now doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call from you to make someone feel better.”

When he looks back to his friend he finds that Zayn’s eyes are glassy. The other boy blinks a few times, and then nods. “You know Louis, you’re even more fabulous and fantastic than any of my other friends put together."

Well he doesn’t have very many friends but it’s still a compliment. Louis nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s kind of my job.” But a small part of his heart is soaring.

There’s a short knock at the door and Eleanor pushes it open. Louis thinks even if they ever did lock it, she’d still find a way to break in. “I hope you’re decent because I have amazing news!” She sings, kicking the door shut behind her. Louis raises an eyebrow, about to point out their pity party when he notices the pint of Ben and Jerry’s in her hands. She can stay.

She pouts when she finally gets a good look at them. “Oh, loves what’s the matter?”

“Zaynie’s best friend is sick.” Louis says simply.

Eleanor grabs three plastic spoons from where Liam keeps them next to his bed-he always comes ridiculously prepared like they’re going on a camping trip and not just to school-and comes to squeeze her way between Zayn and Louis. She pries the ice cream open and distributes the spoons along with a kiss on the cheek for Zayn. He cracks a smile and thanks her, piling a ridiculous amount of ice cream onto his spoon.

“Half Baked is his favorite flavor because it’s his state of being ninety five percent of the time.” Louis stage whispers to Eleanor. Zayn just rolls his eyes, but doesn’t deny it.

Eleanor laughs and pulls her purse up into her lap, pulling out multiple things including a magazine, a hair brush, an umbrella, a tin of breath mints, and finally her cell phone. He will never understand the enigma that is a woman’s purse, Louis thinks. When he was younger it used to fascinate him how much his mother could carry in there. He’s pretty sure she could fit the twins in there if she wanted to. Eleanor throws the rest of the junk back in her bag except for the magazine, which Zayn steal and starts flipping through, and her phone.

“Mitchell texted me, look see!” She clicks around on her phone and pushes it towards Louis.

He raises his eyebrows and reads out, “ _It was ice 2 c u lst nite u r so pretty wld u liek 2 go out this weknd u tink?_ ” He stares at it for a little bit before he’s able to rebound enough from the six year old intellect to speak again. “Is he mentally deficient?”

Eleanor gasps and snatches the phone away, holding it to her chest protectively. “Fuck off Lou, this is sweet! He said I looked pretty last night.”

“He spells worse that Liam does.” Zayn laughs.

Louis grins at that, remembering his texts to Harry yesterday. “Not that you mind how horrible Liam is at texting, of course. You love everything about Liam, don’t you Z?”

Zayn looks up from the magazine and frowns. “What did that little shit tell you?” Louis guesses the little shit is Harry, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask because Eleanor speaks first.

“Everyone and their mother knows Zayn is in love with Liam, okay? We have bigger issues here, like what I’ll be wearing this weekend. Magazine please?” Zayn hands the magazine over, mumbling under his breath about how they’re both full of shit.

Manicured fingers flip through the pages furiously, finally stopping when they land on the Worst and Best Dressed List. “So don’t judge me of whatever, this isn’t even my magazine I borrowed it from one of the girls in my set design class, but look. This dress.,” Eleanor points to a battle between Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez, which Louis thinks he’d like to actually happen, though his sisters would probably have a meltdown. “I have it in red, like Taylor, but they’re saying Selena wore it better in blue and out of the two of them I’m more of the Selena type like, hair and stuff but I-”

“Why do you care what they think, it’s all a bunch of bullshit anyway.” Zayn snaps. Silence follows as the other two turn to look at him in surprise. He sounds absolutely furious about it.

“Are you more of a Taylor fan, Zayn?” Louis asks, a small smile playing at his lips.

Zayn flushes pink. “No! I’m just sayin’, you shouldn’t feed in to it. All they do is make people feel like shit for things they have no control over and shit that normal people do all the time. Like…it’s not fair."

“Well, now I’m seeing what you meant about the half baked thing,” Eleanor laughs. When Zayn starts to get up to leave, she stops him. “Babe, I’m just kidding. I get it trust me, it isn’t fair. Like, Harry Styles see? They’re saying he wore the shirt worse because the beanie but what if he was just having a bad hair day?”

Louis nods along with that argument. “Yeah, who’s to say Justin Bieber didn’t sabotage his dressing room that day just to try to win.” He pipes up, making Zayn roll his eyes but sit back down anyway.

Eleanor however seems to be getting into it now. She’s frowning and looks about as angry as Zayn does, like they know the stars personally. “I would feel like crap if someone followed me around all the time judging what I wear, especially when Louis and I wear our matching pajamas to our early Scriptwriting class. His ass always looks better in them than mine, even at seven thirty in the morning.”

Zayn smiles and shakes his head at the pair of them. “Thanks guys, that’s exactly what I was going for.”

Eleanor smiles back and then returns to the magazine. “Anyway, so what do you guys think? Yes red, no red, find another dress-”

Louis is about to explain to her how stupid all this is when the door swings open and Liam comes rushing in looking flustered. His short hair is sticking up at all angles like he’s been pulling on it and his cheeks are red, probably from running if his heavy breathing is anything to go by. When he notices the three of them watching him, he pauses and smiles. “Hey guys. Sorry, I just have to grab my iPod.”

“What’s the matter Li?” Zayn asks, voice full of concern. Louis nudges Eleanor because this is _exactly_ what he and Harry were talking about yesterday.

Liam sighs and shakes his head, still rustling through his things when he speaks. “I volunteered to help set up for the club fair, but whoever was supposed to bring music didn’t, and whoever was supposed to order pizza didn’t, and it’s all just going to hell and for some reasons everyone keeps coming to me. I’ve been voted impromptu leader, apparently.”

“I’ll help you.” Zayn says, standing up and looking around for a pair of shoes.

Liam stops bustling around and looks at Zayn like he hung the fucking stars. “Oh, you would? You mean it?”

Zayn nods, trying to keep his face cool and neutral. “Yeah, besides I have better music on my phone anyway. Come on, I know a cheap place for really good pizza.”

Liam lets out a long sigh. “Oh god, you’re a lifesaver Zayn!”

Louis reaches for his phone and sneakily clicks around until he finds the camera. “Yeah Zayn, you’re such a big help.” He grins deviously.

“However will he repay you?” Eleanor giggles, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

Zayn flips both of them off and follows Liam out, putting his hand on the small of Liam’s back before they walk out the door. Louis snaps a picture and dissolves into loud laughter while Liam just continues to look confused and Zayn slams the door shut.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

“And what would you say makes a girl beautiful?” The tinny voice of the reporter asks through the phone. Harry resists the urge to sigh because he gets this question about fifteen times a day. It’s just about as cliche as you can get.

He spews some bullshit about smiles and eyes, which is as rehearsed as it gets but it gets the job done. She thanks him profusely and hangs up. Harry lets out the sigh of discontent he’s been holding in for almost an hour now, and falls down to the floor next to one of his windows. Niall left a few hours ago to go to class, and his Mum is still on the train and being picked up by Paul, so he’s alone. Except for Lily, who’s sitting in front of him now on the windowsill.

“Lily, do you think I’m ugly?”

Lily stops licking her paws and gives him a look that probably means _yes_ in cat language.

“I’m kind of like your dad you know, you should at least act interested in my life,” Harry tells her. “You get fed better than most cats. I buy you Fancy Feast.”

Lily goes back to licking her paws, moving them up to her ears now as well.

“You have more twitter followers than the Pope, Lily. You are a cat. You have me to thank for that.”

Lily finally stops licking her paws and instead moves to lick Harry’s face, right on his giant nose. He sighs and leans his head back against the wall. He stays that way for awhile, looking out the window and watching the drizzly London afternoon go by. People walk past with umbrellas and run without them and without really thinking about it, Harry opens the window to let it all in. Lily yowls unpleasantly and jumps away from the rain that comes spitting through the windows. Harry doesn’t mind though, the cold air feels lovely.

There’s a loud buzzing coming from his phone which moves along the floor until Harry picks it up. He assumes it’s Niall but grins when he sees Louis’ name there.

_Mission Ziam Update: they are touching I repeat we have physical contact_

This is quickly followed by a blurry picture of Zayn and Liam that makes Harry bark out a laugh instantly. Zayn is glaring at the camera with a look he knows all too well, and has his hand so low on Liam’s back his fingers are grazing the other man’s ass. His laughter is cut short when another text comes through.

_Zayn told me you were felling sort of shitty so just know he thinks you_ _’re the second coming of christ. and I dont think you’re so bad either._

_Also you have a very lovely arse! Xx_

_THAT WASN_ _’T ME I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS ELEANOR._

Harry laughs again, this time more subdued, and texts back a quick thank you, unable to wipe the smile off his face even when he leans towards the window and gets rain on his eyes. “Lily, I think I like him a lot,” he murmurs, turning to face the cat who’s staring at him from her place next to his knee and safe from the rain. “I’m fucked.”

_I_ _’m here if you want to talk about it feel free to tell me to fuck off if you don’t_

**no it** **’s fine im just stressed out. Work and stuff I guess it all seems to pile up on me and I don’t notice until its too late.**

_Zayn kind of let it slip you arent sleeping sooo. what kind of job is it? are you a serial killer or something?_

**Nothing that exciting but you still wouldn** **’t believe me if I told you.**

_so you_ _’re a spy then arent you. I knew it._

**Something like that ;)I just dont get a lot of downtime theres a lot of traveling, i can** **’t exactly be myself**

_you can ignore me if this is too forward but Zayn said you hadn_ _’t exactly come out yet. is the job why or…_

**Yeah that** **’s why**

_:/ that_ _’s fucking bullshit. if you ever need a way to do it follow my lead, I finally broke down when I was 17 and kissed my best friend in the middle of the hallway between classes that was kind of it….except Li was pissed but whatever it was for the greater good_

Harry laughs again, covering his mouth with his hand when he remembers the window is open. Louis always knows how to make him smile. **thanks for the advice.**

_no problem. Feeling any better?_

**Yes. Thank you Louis.**

He sighs and rubs his thumb over the screen, wishing Louis was here now. If he can make Harry feel better with just a few short words, god only knows what he could do if he was actually here now. Harry’s about to text back when he hears the door clicking open and the unmistakable smell of his mother’s cooking wafting in. He looks up and grins when he sees her walking in followed by Niall who holds the door, wide eyes following the large canvas bag that must hold food. Paul is visible just behind her, bidding them both goodbye and going on his way.

“Harry! Harr-oh!” She stops short when she catches sight of her son. “Baby, what are you doing over there?”

It’s about then that he realizes how weird he must look, curled up in a ball in a corner of his house, head almost stuck outside the window, the rest of the flat seeming vastly empty almost like a museum. He shrugs and stands up, striding over to hug her. For a brief moment, he wishes he was shorter than her again, wishes she could wrap her arms around him and he could tuck his head under her chin and feel so tiny. Instead, he hooks his chin over her head and sighs when he feels his mother running her hands over his arms, his sides, fingertips digging into the spaces between his ribs.

“Harry!” she gasps, pulling away. “Oh, baby you’re so skinny. Look at you! Your eyes.” She reaches up and runs her thumbs over the dark circles under his eyes, shaking her head sadly.

He shakes his head right back. “Mum, please don’t cry, I’m fine.”

She takes a shuddering breath in, her hand going up to cover her mouth. It hits Harry that she’s disgusted with him, by what she sees. “I knew this was a bad idea, letting you live alone,” she murmurs, quietly. “Come sit down right now, eat something. We need to have a talk.”

“Let me just put Lily away so you won’t start sneezing.” Harry mutters. When he glances back over to the door, he sees Niall has returned with more bags of food and a suitcase. Harry’s mother thanks her profusely, and they start off towards the kitchen while Harry puts Lily in his bedroom and shut the door. She looks at her owner incredulously from the bed, but doesn’t start crying when he leaves so he figures that’s a good sign.

He texts Louis a goodbye message, telling him his mother is here so he won’t be able to talk. Really, he knows that a long conversation is about to transpire and texting throughout it will only get him in trouble. When he walks back into the kitchen, he’s met with his mother and Niall putting tupperware containers into the fridge and the freezer.

“Mum, how did you even have enough time to cook all this?” He asks, raising an eyebrow when she sets an entire plate of oatmeal raisin cookings in front of him. When she clears her throat, he grabs one and starts picking at it. Oatmeal and raisins or not, it’s still a cookie and it’s still a sweet.

“That’s why I’m showing up so late! I cooked all day yesterday and this morning, some of them are leftovers though. No one’s around to eat them with you and Gems both gone.”

Harry sighs. “Mum, I’m really alright I promise. I eat, it’s just that-”

“No.” He jumps in surprise when his mother whirls around and points a finger at him. “There are no buts when it come to keeping yourself healthy and alive Harry, do you hear me? You can’t just drink a soda or whatever it is they have you on and think you’re alright for the rest of the day. You need to eat. If you’re that concerned about getting too ‘fat’ then you can eat healthy, but you need to get to a healthy weight again first. Here."

A container of lasagna is set down in front of him on the kitchen island and his mother starts routing through the cupboards, looking for plates and forks. Niall puts the rest of the food down and comes to sit beside Harry on one of the stools, giving him a quick side hug. “Y’alright?”

Harry nods, and lies. “Great, you?”

“You see all this food, right?” Niall laughs, and that’s answer enough.

Still with that angry look on her face, his mother sets down three plates and gives Harry an absolutely heaping portion of lasagna. He knows he shouldn’t, like he really really shouldn’t his trainer is probably having a heart attach right now, but the smell is making his stomach growl. Deciding that he’s not above purging with his mother in the house as long as it makes her smile, he digs in.

“I missed eating.” He mumbles around the pasta, which is true actually. Niall laughs and thanks Anne for his own plate and eats even quicker than Harry does. “Mum, this is really great, thank you.”

She smiles triumphantly, Anne 1 Modest 0, and serves herself some as well. “Well there’s enough food there to hopefully last you a few weeks, but I did account for Niall so if he stops dropping by it could last you the rest of your life.” Niall makes a shocked noise, but doesn’t protest.

They eat in silence for a little while, until Harry’s phone buzzes on the counter. He looks from his mother to Niall and quickly opens it to see another picture from Louis. This time its of him in what looks like a gym, pointing to Zayn who has his arm around Liam’s waist. Neither of them are looking at the camera, but it’s easy to tell Zayn by his quiff. Harry snorts and covers his mouth with his hand.

“Who’s that?”

Harry looks up to find his mother watching him closely along with Niall, who’s grinning like an idiot. He blushes and shakes his head. “A friend.”

His mother hums under her breath, but says nothing, just leaving him with her knowing smile. Harry rolls his eyes at the both of them and returns to his lasagna, pretending not to notice they’re sending each other looks over his head. They wait until he’s finished the piece of lasagna to say anything though.

“Harry, sweetheart I think you need to take a break.”

Harry shakes my head. “Not now mum, I can’t. I just finished the new album, I have to start promotion and stuff.”

She sighs out slowly, closing her eyes, before opening them again and giving him her most serious look. “Harry, listen to me alright? I’m worried about what this is doing to you. You aren’t yourself lately, not at all. I don’t know if it’s the tour coming up, or your girlfriend situation, or just the stress in general, but it isn’t okay, you’re too young for this. Sometimes I think I never should have let you audition-”

“Mum, stop.” Harry says, a lot harsher than he meant to. “This is what I wanted. I love what I do, I don’t want to change it.”

“You didn’t want _this_ though Harry, look at you.” Niall speaks up. “You aren’t happy, mate.”

“That doesn’t matter, the industry isn’t ready for someone of my profile to come out, that’s all. Maybe in a few years.” He repeats what his management team has told him a million times, and hates himself more at that moment than any other time in his life. He sounds like their little puppet, he _is_ their little puppet, he realizes. Willing to do whatever they tell him to do, whenever they tell him to do it, no questions asked.

“Are you even hearing yourself?” Niall asks, sounding shocked. “You just said it doesn’t matter than you’re unhappy!”

“Look, if the two of you are just here to tell me how much of a fuck up I am, I already know okay?” Harry growls. “I get this everyday from paps, and twitter, and my management, and magazines so yeah, I think I’m well aware that my life is going to shit. If all you’re going to do is sit here and berate me, then maybe you should both just go.”

With that, he stands up and walks away, ignoring Niall and his mother calling me back. he slams his bedroom door loudly behind himself, locks it, and flops onto the bed, narrowly missing Lily’s tail.

The cat stares down at him for a moment, before coming up and nuzzling her nose against his, and then laying down right at his head. Harry’s pretty sure that’s cat language for _I love you, even if you are a fuck up._


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay 65 kudos, thank you guys :) I just wanted to let you know this is the last of the prewritten chapters so the updates probably won't be once a day anymore, sorry I'm the worst.
> 
> Enjoy

_Harry:_

“We’ve got Harry Styles here on the Radio One Breakfast Show, say hello Harry.” Nick Grimshaw just about shouts into his microphone.

Harry rolls his eyes at his friend, but still leans forward to say an elongated, “Hi” into his own microphone. Nick laughs at him and starts a conversation about his opinion of the song they just played, which is by a new artist neither of them have heard of. Harry talks slowly and picks his words carefully like he always does when he’s asked his opinion on someone. The last thing he wants to do is offend anyone.

Nick cuts him off mid-explanation and brings on a caller. “We’ve got Sarah here, Sarah say hello to Harry Styles.”

The girl’s hello is a piercing scream. Harry cringes but still laughs and smiles because there are cameras on him. After she’s gained some composure, Sarah asks her question. “Harry, are you and Allison in love?”

It’s enough to make him break into a cold sweat. He’s never been a good liar and it’s really a wonder how he got this far, being as horrible as he is. Instead of lying he likes to deflect, it’s something his manager taught him and something he’s mastered by now. “I can’t speak for Aly, but I love her very much, yes.” Loves her but isn’t in love with her, genius Styles, he commends himself. Paul, who’s standing off to the side, nods and the girl starts to scream all over again.

“Lovely girl that Allison Arthur, positively stunning. Speaking of, here’s Harry’s newest single _Irresistible_ featuring the lady herself.” The music starts playing throughout the studio and Nick relaxes back in his chair.

“You’re a jack ass.” Harry tells him, still smiling.

Nick shrugs, spinning side to side in his chair. “I’m paid to be a professional jack ass.” He informs the boy, throwing his legs up on the desk and ignoring Matt’s protesting from behind him. “How is the girl, anyway.”

“Be nice, she’s one of my best friends,” Harry warns, his eyebrows furrowing. It’s really no secret that Nick isn’t exactly fond of Allison, god only knows why, and she isn’t exactly in love with him either. “But she’s fine. Working on her new album and all that.”

“You going out with her today?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, I’m done for the weekend after this.” He thinks back to his mother at home, probably sneezing away because he refused to keep Lily locked up all day. And it’s not just because he’s still angry with her for last night.

“Great, we’ll go for a late lunch then. You can keep me company.”

After his allotted time there, Harry sticks around and gives his input whenever he feels it’s needed. Especially when Nick’s professional jack ass-ness shines through. When it’s finally all over, Harry sends Paul on his way and he and Nick make their way to some upscale and far too expensive restaurant near his flat.

“You seem much much cheerful than normal, what’s that about?” Nick asks once they’re received their food. He made fun of Harry for getting a salad and the younger boy took it in stride, but his burger is looking ridiculously tempting now.

Harry looks away from the burger and meets Nick’s dark eyes with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders. “I met someone.” He says carefully.

Both of Nick’s eyebrows raise considerably. “Yeah? How’d you manage that?”

Subconsciously, Harry reaches for his phone in his pocket like he’s shielding Louis from Nick’s judging looks and the snapping of the photographer’s cameras across the street. Harry gives him an abridged version of his and Louis’ friendship so far. To his relief, Nick doesn’t laugh. In fact he seems impressed and commends how smart Zayn is, though that could be because of his infatuation with the boy ever since Harry brought him to one of Nick’s parties over the summer. Still, it’s an acceptance and that’s what Harry needs right now.

“So, what’s the plan when he figures you out?” Nick asks, completely ruining Harry’s happiness.

He just shakes his head and picks at his salad so he doesn’t have to meet Nick’s knowing eyes. “No clue. I haven’t thought that far ahead, really.”

Nick makes a noise like he doesn’t approve, but doesn’t say anything else. “When do you think the Allison thing will be done with?” He asks, this time lowering his voice so none of the other patrons overhear.

“I dunno,” Harry shrugs, picking up a piece of chicken with his fork and chewing on it thoughtfully. “I honestly don’t mind it, you know how I feel about her. It’s like having another Gemma around, always has been ever since X-Factor.”

Allison and Harry had bonded on the show quickly, Harry being the baby of the show who was just homesick and a little lost, and Allison being only a year older but still taking him under her wing like an injured baby bird. They were inseparable and rumors of a relationship flew even before anything was set up. Allison was the first person Harry came out to outside of his family. He trusts her and loves her and wants only good things for her. It isn’t like other beards he’s heard of, where you get stuck with someone you don’t know and could grow to hate, and Harry is so grateful for her.

Nick’s laughing now, though. “Yeah, a Gemma who gets paid to kiss you,” he mumbles, taking a bite out of his burger. “Look, I’m not saying I hate her, I don’t, and I know you’re good friends it’s just that…god, Haz. It isn’t far, you’re still such a kid. Do you want to know what I was doing when I was eighteen?”

Harry wrinkles his nose. “Not particularly.”

Nick throws a chip at him. Old Harry would have laughed back and gladly eaten it, but this is New Harry and New Harry can’t afford the fat content of said chip, so he throws it back. “What I’m _trying_ to say is that you should have time to be a kid, to experiment, find out what you do and don’t like. You shouldn’t be in a fake relationship trying to hold yourself together.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Yeah, well I like your mum and she’s usually right.”

They eat mostly in silence and return to Nick’s flat afterward to have a few drinks and take Puppy on a walk together. Allison isn’t mentioned again, neither is Louis which is hard but Harry manages. He just sort of wants to yell about Louis, tell everyone everything he knows about the boy so far. Maybe he’ll tell Gemma about him later, she’s obligated to listen, it’s her job.

Harry drives himself home much later but he’s still a bit sad, he doesn’t even sing along to the radio like he normally would. When he arrives home he finds his mother on the couch, watching television in silence. She spares him a glance but doesn’t face him when she speaks, her usual tactic when they fight.

“How was the interview?"

“Fine,” he replies shortly. “I ate with Nick.”

That’s enough to get a short nod out of her because she could probably google it if she was really suspicious of him. The joys of having a famous son. Nodding back, Harry takes his shoes off and goes to his room. Lily is a fluffy ball of white in the middle of his bed. She apparently gave up on getting Anne to warm up to her and just fell asleep, much like Harry plans to do.

It’s evening already, the setting sun turning the sky dusty oranges and reds. He checks his phone and finds only texts from Niall and Zayn. He feels bad for not texting Louis at all today but he’s been sort of mopey and annoying so there really wasn’t much of a point in it. The last thing he wants to do is bring people down with him when he feels like shit.

 ** _I listened to the show, you did good. I_** ** _’ll be over later._** Niall’s text reads. Harry doesn’t answer. Zayn’s text simply says to call him, so he does.

“Hello?” A groggy voice answers and Harry has obviously just interrupted Zayn’s afternoon nap, something he tends to do quite often. He could probably sleep all day long and be happy with it.

“Hey Z.”

Zayn is quiet and there’s the sound of a lock clicking before he speaks again. “Hey babe, how are you? Niall’s been worrying, you know how he gets.”

Harry laughs and lays back on his pillows, letting his free hand reach down to pet Lily’s soft fur. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m really okay,”

“You sure about that?”

It’s hard to bullshit Zayn. He’s always pretty straightforward about things and can almost always tell when someone else isn’t. After another awkward silence, Harry finally relents. “Fine, so Mum came to visit. Niall called her and told her I wasn’t okay, told her I wasn’t eating or something. I’m really okay.”

“But you’re not,” Zayn points out. “Because if you were, they wouldn’t be worried. They aren’t idiots Harry, and neither am I.”

Harry frowns at that, frowning when he says, “So you’re on their side.”

“No.” He replies simply.

“Zayn, you don’t get it okay?” Harry whimpers. “It’s so fucking hard having someone constantly looking at you, let alone hundreds of thousands of people. They want to know everything, they could probably guess my damn weight if they felt like it. I just have to stay on this diet, Z, I have to.”

Harry bites at his lip, chewing on the broken skin and waiting for his friend to answer. “I know, Haz.” Zayn sounds sad, resigned almost like he doesn’t know how to deal with this. Harry will show him, he’ll show him how okay he is.

“Then you’re on my side.”

“No, no I’m not on anyones side,” Zayn sighs. “I want you to get better just as much as they do, don’t you want that?”

Harry’s about to tell him there’s nothing to get better _from_ when he hears something on Zayn’s side of the phone. Zayn answers the voice, they’re talking about a computer or something, and Harry gets curious.

“Z, who’s there? Is that Liam?”

Zayn returns to the phone, his voice closer sounding now. “Hmm? No, it’s Lou, he just got back from work.”

Harry smiles. Lately just thinking about Louis makes him all giggly and stupid, and yeah he definitely has a major crush on this boy. Without thinking, he sighs into the phone quite loudly. “He’s sort of amazing.”

“Yeah, he is. What did your mum say exactly?” He can tell just by his tone that Zayn is rolling at him, but he can’t be arsed to care. He has a crush and Zayn can just deal with it like Harry has to deal with the constant yammering about Liam’s jaw structure.

Thinking back to the conversation with his mother both last night and this morning, Harry cringes. As if last night wasn’t bad enough, this morning they got into a second fight. She had threatened to go to his management for him and demand they allow him to take a hiatus after the album is released. It escalated after that and as soon as the word rehab came out of her mouth, he left.

“Zayn, she’s insane!” Harry hisses into the phone. “She thinks I’m starving myelf, she wants to send me to some rehab and if I refuse to god she can still make me, can’t she? Or can she not, I’m not sure-”

“Hazza, just try to calm down alright? She doesn’t have that much control.” Zayn interrupts him, trying and failing to calm him down.”

Harry drops his head down into his hands and groans. “She said she could get it ordered if she took me to a hospital. But it isn’t true, Zayn, I swear it isn’t true.” A part of his brain realizes he’s deflecting again, because he isn’t starving himself, not really. It’s just a diet, an unorthodox one maybe, but a diet nonetheless. He eats, he doesn’t belong in a rehab center.

“Well I doubt she’d go that far-”

“I can’t go to a rehab, is she crazy? Can you imagine what would happen, what people would say. What my _management_ would say? I’m better off dead. I never deserved any of this anyway, it’s all too good for me. It should’ve been Allison Zayn, it should’ve been her.”

That’s what gets Zayn to snap. “Harry stop it. Don’t talk like that, alright? You do deserve this but you don’t deserve _this_ , you get it?” His voice is firm and authoritative, and strangely calming.

Harry takes a few deep breaths-in through his nose and out through his mouth, just like Allison taught him back when he used to freak out before the live shows-and tries to steady his pulse. Finally, he nods and closes his eyes. “Yeah, I get it,” he murmurs, though he still doesn’t. “I just have to talk to Mum, and then she’ll understand. I’ll go do it now.”

“Okay, good. I’ll talk to you later babe, did you eat yet?”

That’s enough to bring Harry out from his calm trance. “Yeah, ate with Nick Grimshaw earlier.” He mutters.

“Okay, go talk to your mum.”

Harry nods a few times and looks towards his door. “Love you, Z.” He murmurs, and it will never be enough to explain how much things like this mean to him. Zayn is such a good friend, Harry doesn’t appreciate him nearly enough as he should.

“Love you too, I’ll talk to you soon.”

As soon as he hangs up he knows he won’t be apologizing, not tonight. His stomach is churning and he feels sick knowing he ate today, which wasn’t in the plan at all. He even had chicken _and_ dressing on his salad, both, like a complete fatass. Not giving himself another moment to think, he pushes himself up and walks to the door.

Poking his head out into the hallway he sees his mother isn’t in the living room anymore, so she must be in the guest room across the hall. It’s not too close, but still close enough to hear if she were listening. Harry shuts the door again, locks it, and heads to his bathroom, turning the shower on as he passes it.

It’s ritual by now, getting down on his knees beside the toilet, closing his eyes, stroking the back of his throat until it all comes up. It’s instant relief, his stomach no longer feels heavy and he feels wonderfully sleepy and euphoric. Just a diet, he thinks to himself as he gags, a wonderful, beautiful diet. After brushing his teeth, Harry stumbles out of the bathroom and falls onto his bed.

“G’night Lils,” he mumbles sleepily, reaching his hand out for her to cuddle up next to.

Lily won’t come near him. She’s just as disgusted with him as he is.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Louis:_

 

Zayn’s muffled voice comes through the door while Louis fumbles for his keys. He’s probably the reason the door is locked and the reason why Louis is currently balancing three coffees while searching through his backpack. “No. No, I’m not on your side, I’m not on anyone’s side. I want you to get better just as much as they do, don’t you want that?” He stops talking when Louis comes in, but still smiles when he sees the Starbucks in Louis’ hands.

Louis nods to the phone and Zayn mouths _Harry_. Grinning, he passes Zayn his coffee and puts Liam’s down on his dresser until he returns, and settles down onto his bed. He opens his laptop to start his homework and laughs when he sees the two tabs left open. “Z, were you using my computer?” One page is selling bongs and the other is a gossip site, neither of which are really Louis’ cup of tea.

“Sorry, I let Li borrow mine earlier, his is still being fixed.” Zayn mutters, flipping Louis the bird when he starts making kissing noises. Liam spilt tea all over his brand new macbook about a week or so ago. Watching him try to explain that to his mum was possibly the funniest thing Louis has ever experienced.

“Hmm? No, it’s Lou, he just got back from work,” Zayn says into the phone. Louis looks up instinctively, waiting to see if Harry will ask about him. “Yeah he is…what did your mum say exactly?” Louis shakes his head sadly and goes back to his laptop.

Louis begins on his essay about character dynamics or something equally as dull, trying to forget about the fact that it’s Friday night and he’s writing an essay on fucking _character dynamics_. What has become of him. He thinks back longingly to freshman year when everything was easier and he could just do his homework at the last possible second and spend the rest of his time partying and being wonderfully drunk.

About ten minutes into his reluctant writing, Zayn starts speaking loudly and more firmly and Louis decides to start eavesdropping. “Hazza, just try to calm down alright? She doesn’t have that much control…well I doubt it she’d go that far-Harry stop it. Don’t talk like that, alright? You do deserve this but you don’t deserve _this_ , you get it? Okay, good, I’ll talk to you later babe…did you eat yet? Okay. Go talk to your mum…love you too, I’ll talk to you soon.” Zayn finally hangs up the phone with a half groan half sigh and a large gulp of coffee.

Louis smiles. “And that’s why you shoved him off on me, I’m guessing?” Zayn rolls his eyes at that and flops backwards onto his bed, closing his eyes and probably drifting off by the looks of it.

Liam returns from his late class with his cheeriest puppy dog smile that perks Zayn right back up. It’s shaping up to be a normal boring Friday night complete with their lovely RA Tina ordering pizza as a reward for everyone who is staying in to study for midterms, and Zayn pining after Liam like it’s his job. That’s until Louis’ phone ringing interrupts the silence of the three of them on their computers.

He checks his phone and makes a face when he sees who it is. Luke. Luke is the one who cheated on him with a girl from his English Lit class _in_ his English Lit class, which just so happened to be Liam’s class as well so Louis got to break it off with him first for once. He still counts that one as a win.

“Hello?”

“Louis, hey.”

“Hello.” Louis says again, because he doesn’t know what Luke wants him to say.

Luke hesitates, and finally spits out, “So are you doing anything tonight.”

Louis, obviously seeing where this is going, shuts his laptop with a click and smirks. “Hmm, not that I know of. But, some prick just called me, so maybe.”

“Oh I…oh-”

He sighs. “You’re the prick, Lucas.”

“Oh!” Luke laughs like he gets it, which Louis doubts he does. “I was wondering if you wanted to come up tonight my uh…my roommates out of town.”

Louis raises an eyebrow and continues to pack up his open textbooks and papers, not even sounding interested when he speaks again. “Do you have condoms, because I think I’m fresh out. Might have booze, though.”

“I’ve got condoms and the booze.”

He suddenly remembers why he loved dating Luke so much. Best two weeks of his life. “Splendid, I’ll be over in a few dear. Give your girlfriend my love.” With that final thought, he hangs up and looks over to see both Liam and Zayn watching him with equally unimpressed looks. He rolls his eyes. “Yes?”

Liam puts on his well practiced Louis This Is Serious face. “Was that Luke on the phone?”

“Yes it was, and we’re about to have beautifully drunken relations,” Louis answers gleefully. “Would you like to join?”

“What about Harry?” Zayn pipes up.

Louis cringes. He really does not want to start on that train of thought. “Harry and I have only known each other like, what, a week? Neither of us had said anything about being interested in each other, we aren’t in a relationship, so why can’t I go hate fuck Lucas if I wanna?”

Neither of them have an answer for that, so Louis pushes his books out of the way and stands up so he can look for his shoes.

“Lou, why are you are doing this?” Liam asks.

“I’m horny!” He yells, sliding under his bead. He swears he just had his shoes on when he went for pizza, where the hell could they have disappeared to? Shoes are imperative to his literal fucking mission.

“Louis.”

Louis groans and pulls himself out from under the bed, staying sat on the floor. Liam is standing in front of him with his shoes in hand, holding them up tauntingly because they both know if he wanted to, he could hold them well out of Louis’ reach. Louis curses being short, not for the first time.

Zayn has apparently been recruited as second guilt tripper because he’s now standing as well. “What is going on?”

Deciding not to even try for his shoes, Louis shrugs and stays on the floor still. “He called, he has alcohol, I am alcohol-less and bored. I’ll gladly take being well fucked in exchange for a few beers. Why does it have to be a thing, guys?”

“It’s a thing because he cheated on you and you always do this, Lou. You constantly go back to these guys for a one night stand or two or three and pretend like it doesn’t bother you, and we all know it does.” Liam lectures.

“Do we all know that, because I wasn’t aware,” Louis says, his voice as snarky as possible. “As the person being bothered here, shouldn’t I at least be aware of the bothering?”

Zayn rests a hand on Liam’s forearm softly, obviously trying to calm the other boy down, before he looks down to Louis. “You do realize you’re about to do to that poor girl exactly what Luke did to you, right?”

And okay, that hurts. Louis doesn’t show it though, he just shrugs. “Yeah, so? She knew Luke and I were together, think of it as payback.” He hates himself as soon as he says it because did that _really_ just come out of his mouth? If his mother ever heard that she’d slap him so hard his head would snap off, and Liam looks about ready to fill in for her.

“What if someone did this to Lottie, Louis?” Liam asks.

Louis groans and sticks his tongue out slightly in disgust. “Can we not talk about my little sisters in relation with my sex life, please? Gross.”

“Seriously though Lou, what if someone did this to her? Even if it was the exact same situation, would you count it as payback then too?” Zayn challenges and Louis is starting to think maybe he should have been a lawyer or someone just as convincing. “And don’t give me some bullshit about it being different, it isn’t.”

That thought is infuriating enough to make Louis stand up and snatch his shoes away before Liam can pull away. “You know for two people who like to ignore what’s staring them right in the fucking face, you sure are interested in my sex life, huh?” He snaps, pulling on his shoes and grabbing his phone so he can leave. “See you later, assholes!” He calls as he slams his door shut behind him.

And he makes it to about the floor’s lounge when he has to stop and drop down onto one of the well worn couches. Hundreds of twenty somethings have had sex on this couch, probably. Louis is moping on history. After some thought, he pulls his phone out and sends a text to Harry.

_completely hypothetical but say your ex calls you up for a booty call at 1 am even though hes still dating the girl he cheated on you with. do you go._

On second thought he sends another text simply saying, _there will be beer._

It takes an agonizingly long time for Harry to text back. He’s starting to worry that the younger boy may be asleep when his phone finally dings with a new message. **Hypothetically you** **’re so much better than that lou. plus if you really wanted to go you’d be there by now**

Louis sighs and finally texts back, _if this weren_ _’t hypothetical I’d say thanks._

Deciding that Harry is probably right, Louis gets up off the sex couch and stares down the door that leads out into the brisk late night. Shaking his head and turning his phone on silent, Louis goes down the opposite corridor of his room and ends up softly knocking on Eleanor’s door, praying she’s there and not out with her friends. There is no way he’s going back to his room, just for the sake of his pride. She opens it, bleary eyed with her hair in a messy bed and frowning.

“Babe, s’one thirty in the morning.” She mumbles with a yawn.

“I know I um. I kinda fought with Zayn and Liam?”

Eleanor hesitates and yawns again. She moves out of the way and lets him in. Her roommate transfered out of nowhere about a month ago leaving her with a double turned single room until someone else comes along. For now the extra bed is covered in her clothes which she pushes out of the way so Louis can lay down. Like a mother, she gives him a kiss on the cheek before standing back up straight.

“Something bad? Wanna talk?”

Louis stops her from going to bed by pulling her in for a hug. “Nothing bad. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for El, you know that?”

“I’d appreciate that more if it weren’t one in the morning, Lou, but thanks. Go to sleep.” She gives him a ridiculous pat on the head and disappears into the piles of blankets on her bed.

Louis waits until he can hear her soft snoring sound before he reaches for his phone again. _do you ever get sick of everyone telling you who you are and how you_ _’re supposed to feel?_

The reply is almost instant. **Everyday. goodnight Lou xx**

_Night Harry xx._

 


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one but kind of important sooooo enjoy guys :)

_Harry:_

Harry hums under his breath while he tends to the eggs cooking on the stove. On the island sits a tray stacked with everything that one could possibly include in a Sorry I’m Such A Shitty Son breakfast. His mother probably won’t even be able to make a dent in it, but it’s the thought that counts right? He sets a mug down and fills it with tea, and with that he’s done. Now he has to go and try to patch everything up before she leaves tomorrow morning.

It’s been two full days now of no communication between the two. It’s Sunday now and the most Harry’s said to her was a thank you when she warmed something up for lunch yesterday. He doesn’t like fighting with this mum, not at all, and it doesn’t help that his sister has been informed and took it upon herself to text him threats all night long. Not willing to risk bodily harm Gemma style, and really just missing how they talked, Harry decided enough was enough and that he has to man up and apologize.

Carefully picking up the tray, Harry makes his way out of the kitchen and down the hall, Lily trotting behind him loyally. He knocks on the door, balancing the tray on one large hand. There’s some shuffling behind the door and it slowly opens to reveal his mother standing in sleep-rumpled pajamas and frowning tiredly. She looks from the food, to her sons face, and sighs.

“Oh, baby,” she murmurs, taking the tray and setting it down on the bed so she can return to the door and hug him. “No matter how many times you do that, it never gets old.

Yeah, okay maybe this is his default every time he gets into a fight with his mother, but it works and you can’t judge him for it. No one is ever angry after breakfast in bed, Harry’s sure that’s a scientific fact. Now, as he sits down on the bed and sees his mother smiling, he figures it’s worked. Still, he needs to actually apologize.

“I just um…wanted to say I’m sorry so. I’m sorry.”

His mother smiles just the smallest bit and cuts into her egg, letting the yolk spill down onto the toast how she likes it. “Why are you sorry, Harry?” He suddenly feels about eight years old again, trying to explain why he smashed Gemma’s piggy bank to buy candy for Niall so he’d he was cool.

“For not hearing you out,” he says softly. “And for yelling at you, especially, that was wrong. It’s just that…you always seem to know what’s best for me even if I don’t like it and it kind of freaks me out, I guess. I know I should take a break but I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Anne makes a face and reaches over to hug him. “Sweetheart, you won’t be letting anyone down. Can’t the promotion or whatever it is just wait a few weeks?”

Harry shakes his head sadly. “No, they’ve already set the dates for interviews and the signings, and the-”

“Harry.”

There’s a soft whimper and it takes Harry a moment to realize it came from him. “Mum, I know that it sounds nice, but it just can’t happen. At least not now.”

She makes a noise that tells him the answer isn’t enough for her. “So, fine you do the promotion. What comes after that?”

“About two weeks for a break?” He says, not getting where she’s going with this.

“Turn it into two months.”

Harry’s eyes grow wide. “Mum.”

“Harry.”

“I can’t, that’s not how it works,” he whines, actually whines. “You don’t understand.”

“Then make me,” she snaps back, her voice dangerously close to a shout. “Make me understand, Harry, because all I’m seeing here is that you’re so stressed out you’ve stopped eating and you refuse to ask for a break.”

Harry leans forward and grabs a piece of bacon from her plate, shoving it in his mouth defiantly. “Look, see? Eating,” he points to his mouth for emphasis. “Mum, I eat, I promise I do.”

It hurts, even if it isn’t a lie it hurts to say something that isn’t exactly true to his mother. They’ve always been close, even when he was younger, and they never really lied much to each other. It’s almost sad how she nods back to him so easily.

“I swear, okay?” he practically whispers. “I promise, I’ll eat in front of Niall if that’s what it takes, but I can’t…I can’t stop just yet, Mum.”

There’s quiet for a while, the only sound coming from the scrape of his mother’s fork on her plate every so often. Finally she sighs. “I want you to eat in front of Niall,” she says, and Harry’s about to point out he was joking when she continues. “And when he isn’t around, Paul. And I want the training to stop, at least until you get your weight back up. I want you to spend the time you aren’t working resting. Is that doable?”

“What about Allison, Mum,” Harry points out. “She’s practically a second job.”

Anne rolls her eyes. She and Nick are about the same when it comes to Allison, they like to forget she exists most of the time. Instead of answering his question, she asks one of her own. “So, what is this I hear about you talking to someone?”

Harry groans and falls back against the stack of pillows behind him. “Of course. Niall told you didn’t he?” Something he thinks his mother and Niall are closer than he and she are. He’s pretty sure she’d trade him for Niall as a son in a heartbeat.

“Do I know this boy?”

Shaking his head, Harry smiles at the thought of Louis. “No. Neither do I, actually.”

Anne raises her eyebrows. “And how does that work exactly?” She asks, smiling slightly.

“He’s Zayn’s roommate at uni. His name is Louis and he’s twenty. And he doesn’t know who I am.”

His mother seems to think it over, chewing on her toast thoughtfully. “Is he cute?”

“Mum, no, oh my god,” Harry moans, his cheeks turning pink. “Don’t do that.”

She laughs. He reluctantly joins her and hate how serious it gets once they’ve both calmed down again. “Do you know what you’re going, sweetheart?” Harry looks at her, confused, and she just sighs. “When he finds out who you are, he might feel a bit betrayed love, that’s all. He might not want to be with someone who…who lied to them. Is he worth that?”

“Worth what?” Harry asks, stealing the last piece of bacon to keep up appearances.

Anne reaches over and gently pushes one of his curls out of his eyes. “Is he worth possibly having your heartbroken?”

Harry bites his lip. He thinks of Louis, thinks of their conversations, thinks back to the pictures of the boy’s smile, and finally nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I think he is.”

 

* * *

 

 

_Louis:_

 

“I hate Harry Goddamn Styles!” Louis shouts. The one customer left looks up from her laptop with a raised eyebrow, but soon returns to her typing, obviously not interested in his great battle with the coffee grinder. Which is broken. Again.

And Louis is going to be late. _Again._

Why he chose to take this shift is beyond him-no wait, he remembers. It’s because a ticket to a Harry _Goddamn_ Styles concert costs an arm and a leg, and he is now seriously regretting being such a fantastic big brother.

He’s the only one working, a slip up that can probably be attributed to the fact that their manager has his head up his arse half the time and doesn’t know how to make a schedule. Someone is supposed to be coming in in five minutes and he’s supposed to on campus in eight. Plus the stupid coffee grinder picked now to break. Things are not going Louis’ way.

“Is it broken?” Louis’ head shoots up and he practically screams with relief when he sees the girl filling in for him. Her name is Karen or Katie or something with a K, and she is his savior. He’s so relieved in fact, that when he rushes past her he kisses her on the cheek.

“Yes, yes it is,” he laughs. “And now that is your problem.”

Katie or Karen makes a choked off noise, but Louis doesn’t care. He’s rushes past her and into the back room where he gets rid of the ugly hat and apron and grabs his backpack. Karen or Katie is struggling with the machine now as he runs past her and out the door, swinging his bag around to rest on his back. Checking his phone he sees he has five minutes to make it. He can do this. Maybe.

Putting all his two years of football during college to use, Louis sprints from Starbucks to the building containing the theater where his Method Acting professor is waiting. Technically, his class is on Wednesdays, but his professor is also the director of the spring musical and therefore has decided to give his classes a one up on everyone else by passing out the scripts to the musical. Louis is _not_ going to wait until December to get the song he has to audition with in January. Hell no.

When he slides into the theater, there’s a small group gathered in the pit and his professor is standing on the stage. The house lights are up so there’s no sneaking in, but Louis still tries. Professor Brown catches his eye when he makes it to the group, and smirks. Louis smiles back and points to the clock. It’s exactly one minute before the meeting was scheduled to start and therefore he is _not_ late.

“Good evening students,” the professor’s voice booms throughout, like it should after years spent teaching others to _project Louis, dammit,_ project _!_ “I’m sure you’re all very excited to begin, so I won’t keep you. Here you’ll find the scripts to our spring musical which will be, feel free to laugh, _Bye Bye Birdie_. I don’t want you all butchering it, understand? Practice.”

Louis’ heart soars because he was born to play Albert. His first words were put on a happy face…okay, maybe they were mama and doggy, but close enough right? He’s got this in the bag. He’s never been more prepared for anything in his entire life.

Of course behind all this enthusiasm is a mound of self-doubt, but he’ll deal with that later on. It does help a little bit when he reaches for the very last script and his professor stops him.

“I’m watching you especially, Tomlinson,” he says, eyes wrinkling when he smiles. “I know you can do great things, if you try.”

“Always trying, sir,” Louis salutes him and turns on his heel, smiling the whole way out of the auditorium while his professor laughs.

The first parts he ever played here were extras and small little parts with maybe a line or two of a solo. Last year was the first year he actually had a role, and this year he wants a lead. Hell, he’d be fine with playing the fat old father if that’s what it took. All he wants is something that he can be proud of.

_just picked up my script !!!_

Harry texts back almost instantly. It’s been an official week since they started texting each other and Louis is always a bit surprised with how fast Harry texts. **What is it? Are you okay with it?**

_its bye bye birdie I_ _’m more than ok._

**Never heard of it.**

Louis stops walking and whispers “What?” to himself, because _what_? How can someone not have heard of Bye Bye Birdie, what rock does he live under? _please tell me that_ _’s a joke._

It takes Harry a little longer to text back this time, and Louis is back up in his dorm by the time his phone buzzes again. **sorry? I** **’ve just never been much for broadway im more top 40s**

“Yeah, you probably listen to Harry goddamn Styles, too,” Louis grumbles. Then he realizes that he is in fact alone and talking to himself and decides he should maybe stop. Maybe he should ask Harry if he can borrow his cat, after all it’s better to be a crazy cat person than just a crazy person, everyone knows that.

_well google it and when you become a broadway person get back to me_

**Anything for you Lou.**

It’s something he’s started doing, shortening Louis to Lou. Such a simple thing, there’s really no excuse for how it makes his heart beat funny but it does, every time. Louis settles onto his bed and starts flipping through his script, looking for the song he might want to use for his audition. He sings a few notes of _Put On A Happy Face_ before the door opens. There’s a part of him that expects it to be one of the other residents of the floor complaining, but it’s Zayn and Liam. Liam has his face tucked into a coat that is definitely not his and Zayn is bare armed, showing off his mess of tattoos.

“Hey Lou,” Liam says, smiling. “We’re going out to dinner, you wanna come?”

Louis raises an eyebrow and looks to Zayn who won’t face him. It takes him less than a second to put it all together and he has to stifle his laughter when he does. “No Li, thanks,” he says, eyes on Zayn who is pretending to look for his coat which is in plain sight. “I just got the script, so I’m going to work on that tonight.”

Liam nods and continues to make conversation about the musical while Zayn slips into his coat and shoots Louis a look clearly telling him to shutup when he wraps his matching scarf around his neck. Yes, matching scarves. Liam thought it’s be cute and Zayn about had a heart attack. Louis rolls his eyes at the two of them and pulls his phone out.

“Bye Lou, we’ll be back later.” Zayn calls, practically pushing Liam in front of him.

“Behave!” Louis shouts, and the door slams. He lets out his laugh finally and texts Harry, _Mission Ziam is so go, they just left for dinner wearing matching scarves_

**Oh my god I wish I could have seen that.**

Louis smiles and wonders if Harry is laughing. He wonders, not for the first time, what Harry’s laugh might sound like. This leads him into what Harry’s voice might sound like, what it would sound like whispered in his Louis’ ear early in the morning-and that train of thought needs to be derailed immediately. There’s no use wondering about that sort of thing.

Except maybe there is.

_could I call you?_

It’s a simple question that should be easy to ask, but it isn’t. Louis doesn’t know why, but it feels like it’d be wrong to send the message. There has to be some reason why Harry hasn’t already brought it up, or why he doesn’t have any pictures of the other boy yet. Maybe Harry’s self conscious, maybe sending this message would offend him in some way. Maybe Louis should have been more careful when he went to erase it all because it just sent.

“Oh shit!” he cries, sitting straight up. “Shit, shit, shit!”

Louis feels a bit like a senior citizen, trying to get the message to come back, even going so far as to google how to do it. Before he can come up with any real solution besides _face it, you_ _’re fucked_ , his phone buzzes again. Taking a deep breath for courage, he opens the message and prays it isn’t anything bad.

**Sure Lou, if you wanted to.**

Louis stares at the text, blinks, and then presses call before he can second guess himself. It rings once, twice, three times before it’s answered with a fumble of fingers and the distant sound of a meowing cat.

“Lily, cut it out I’m going.”

It’s Harry.

Louis is so stunned, he says nothing. Harry’s voice is closer to the phone now. “Hello? Louis?”

Louis takes a deep breath and smiles, even though Harry can’t see him. “Hey Harry, your voice is a helluva lot deeper than I thought it would be.” He could slap himself. What a stupid way to start a conversation.

To his surprise, Harry laughs. It’s deep, and giddy in a way, and Louis loves it instantly. He could listen to that laugh always and not get tired of it. “Well, your voice is a lot higher than I expected, are you sure you’re the older one?”

 “You wound me,” Louis deadpans, smiling when Harry chuckles again. “Quite a cute laugh you’ve got though.”

Harry lets out a little noise that’s even cuter than his laugh and Louis can tell that he’s blushing. “Oh. I um. Thanks Lou…h-how are you?”

The two start from there. The conversation flows a lot better than Louis expected it would. They bounce from topic to topic easily, and Louis sort of marvels at Harry. He’s smart, funny, and adorable, basically everything Louis really isn’t and it makes him wonder almost the entire time how this boy couldn’t have someone. He’s charming; surely thousands of boys and girls must be falling at his feet just waiting to make him smile?

“Lou, you cannot be a dog person,” Harry accuses by their third hour of speaking. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Louis laughs, rolling his eyes at the younger boy. “I had a dog growing up, they’re loyal and smart. Meanwhile cats are just…snobby. It’s like having to take care of one of my sisters except she’s fluffy-”

“And cute, and loving, and-Lou come on,” Harry whines. “You cannot be serious right now. Listen to this.”

Suddenly the sound of Lily meowing and purring is filling the speakers and Louis is laughing all over again. This boy is absolutely ridiculous. Louis might just be the smallest bit in love with his little cooing noises he makes to the cat.

After they agree to disagree, they continue to talk. Somehow they end up on the subject of sisters and Louis tells Harry about the time Fizzy and Lottie drew on his face before an audition and he showed up with a sparkly unicorn on his forehead. Harry laughs and tells him about the time he read his older sister’s diary to Zayn and his other friend Niall, acting it out until she showed up and throttled him.

It gets to the point where Louis is falling asleep while Harry goes on and on about his favorite albums. Louis makes noises where they seem appropriate until Harry asks him if he’s ready for bed.

“I’m not tired.” Louis slurs defiantly.

Harry chuckles softly and there’s the sound of sheet shushing together on his end. He went to bed a little bit ago, bringing his cat along with him who keeps hitting her head against the phone and purring loudly. “Okay Louis, you’re not tired. We should probably hang up though, I’m pretty tired.”

“No,” Louis murmurs, shaking his head against his pillow. “No way, you keep talking kid, I’m awake. You can’t trick me.”

Harry laughs again. “Okay Lou, whatever you say,” he mutters back. “Goodnight.”

Louis shakes his head again but can feel himself drifting off. He manages to slip out a, “No” before he falls asleep.

The next thing he knows, Liam is standing above him. He’s smiling and he has Louis’ phone in his hands, hanging it up for him. “Go back to sleep, I’ve got it.” He whispers, moving to charge Louis’ phone for him. Louis nods a few times and falls asleep, he last thought going to Harry who stayed on the phone all night with him, even after he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 kudos that's insane thank you guys so much <3
> 
> God only knows if this will post tonight because AO3 is being ridiculous but here is chapter 6, enjoy

_Louis:_

“Louis.”

“Just a mo’.”

“Louis!”

Louis groans and locks his phone, looking up to meet Eleanor’s eyes. “Yes, dear?”

She promptly hits him over the head with the rolled up script in her hands. He gasps and falls over, spreading out on her bed and playing dead when she starts talking again. “We’re supposed to be practicing and all you’re doing it texting Harry!”

“Am not,” Louis says, sitting back up and hiding his phone from Eleanor’s reach. “Just because I’m texting doesn’t mean it’s him!”

It’s a blatant lie and Eleanor knows it. She gives him her least amused face and puts both hands on her hips, a sign that he is about to be lectured. “If you aren’t texting that boy, you’re calling him. I caught you skipping class the other day just to talk to him, Louis.”

“He works a lot!” Louis defends. “His schedule is weird, it was the only time that day we could call each other.”

Eleanor groans, swatting at his head again. “It’s been over a month, don’t you think it’s strange you don’t actually know where he works? You don’t even know his last name, Louis, you’ve never seen his face.”

Louis stops texting, fingers fumbling over the screen of his phone. He puts it down slowly, and then shrugs. “We haven’t um….we haven’t really talked about it.” He admits.

When she realizes how sad she’s accidentally made her friend, her face drops into a frown. “I’m sorry, okay?” she murmurs. “I’m just worried about you, that’s all. I don’t want you getting in too deep and have him end up being some old guy from Sweden or something.”

“He’s not going to be some old guy from Sweden,” Louis grumbles angrily. “He’s Zayn’s best friend, remember? Zayn would never do that to me.”

She sighs and sits down beside him, finally falling back and taking him down with her so they’re both staring up at the ceiling. “He is a bit daft, though,” she points out. “If he can’t see Liam is in love with him, maybe he can’t see that one of his best friends is a forty year old man from Sweden with the username hot4bois.”

Louis laughs so hard at this that he has to sit back up to avoid choking on his own tongue. It turns into a coughing fit and Eleanor has to sit up with him and hit him hard on the back once or twice to get it to end. When it does, he has tears in his eyes and his throat feels like he’s swallowed a handful of nails.

“Fuck,” He mutters, rubbing at his throat and frowning.

“You’re sick,” Eleanor decides. “You’ve caught what everyone else has.”

“I have not!” Louis counters back, choosing to ignore the fact that he’s been feeling a bit poorly all day. He actually woke himself up this morning sneezing and decided to ignore it, because he really does need to practice today. It’s December now and he and Eleanor both need to work on their auditions that are coming up after Christmas break. Currently, they’re supposed to be reading lines as Rosie and Albert, but it’s not really going anywhere because Louis has to stop every five seconds to either cough or send a text to Harry.

Eleanor runs a hand through his hair like that somehow diagnoses his problem, and nods to herself. “I’ll get you some of that soup my mum sent back with me yesterday. Stay here and do _not_ call Harry while I’m gone.”

Louis salutes her. “Yes ma’am.”

She rolls her eyes and leaves, letting the door softly close behind her. Louis pulls his phone out immediately to see if Harry has texted him back yet.

**How are you feeling now?**

Of course he told Harry he’s been feeling sick, because he pretty much tells Harry everything now, and it makes him smile how concerned the other boy is over it. _I just had a coughing fit and el determined I need soup to heal shes gone to get it I might try to escape._

**Stay there and listen to her, I want you to get better xx**

Louis makes a noise and smiles to himself. _but haaaarrryy. the bed is covered in magazines im gonna take a shot every time I see your first name here_

It’s true, most of the magazines include something about Harry Styles, aka the bane of his very existence. Lottie’s birthday came and went and she about cried when she opened the envelope containing a card with her tickets inside. It took hours of overtime but he got them, and now on February 14th he’s taking her to London to see the concert. What a way to spend Valentine’s Day.

Louis flips through some of the magazines, taking a look at this Harry Styles person. Why so many people would be interested in a picture of a kid in a beanie texting is beyond him, though he admits the boy is sort of cute when he smiles. Probably not as cute as _his_ Harry of course, not that he’d knows for sure but he fancies himself pretty good at judging voices and his Harry has quite an attractive voice.

**Why does she get those things anyway?**

Louis rolls his eyes and texts back, _not a clue_. Ever since Eleanor got her hand on that magazine with her dress in it, more and more have found their way into her room. She even has posters now and Louis is almost positive if he asked he could convince her to take Lottie to the concert. Lottie thinks Eleanor is the coolest person she’s ever met in her life and Eleanor thinks Lottie is cute and the two of them on Valentine’s Day at a concert would probably have a lot more fun than he and his sister would. He couldn’t ask now though, because she’s still going with that Mitchell guy and the way things are shaping up, they’ll be on some romantic date come Valentine’s Day.

_have I complained yet about how I’ll be spending the most romantic day of the year with a million screaming and crying teenage girls. story of my life._

**Well I doubt there will be millions**

Louis stifles a laugh and texts back a, _fuck you_ , just as Eleanor returns with two bowls of soup and a determined look on her face.

“Eat this, and then we are practicing these lines or I swear on my life I will toss you out the window.” She practically shoves the second bowl of soup in his face and settles down beside him so they can watch television while they eat.

It’s some truly terrible episode of a reality show he doesn’t care to know the name of, and they’re about hallway through it when his phone buzzes again. Everything seems to go quiet as Eleanor turns to glare at him and he reaches slowly for the phone which is resting on the bed. Her glare is a challenge and with truly inhuman reflexes, she snatches the phone off the bed and opens the message. Louis yells at her and continues to yell when she makes a face and sighs.

“This is so cute, I hate both of you.”

With that, she throws the phone back at Louis and returns to her TV show. After sticking his tongue out at her very maturely, he opens the message and smiles. It’s a picture of a snapback with St. Louis written across the top, and Harry has attached a message saying, **look what I found at Niall’s. yours?**

 _well I’ve always been told im saint like._ Louis texts back.

**Thought so babe.**

And yeah, he’s sort of ridiculously happy.

After they finish their soup, Eleanor makes Louis turn his phone on silent and they practice. They read their lines back and forth and sing and repeat until Louis is so sick of this musical he could cry. By the time they finish completely the sun is just setting and he can no longer breathe out of his nose. Eleanor looks at him in pity and offers to go pick up medicine for him, but Louis declines. He’s a strong independent young man, he can handle this.

By the time he makes it to a drug store, he’s decided he probably should’ve taken her up on her offer. The man at the cash register who looks about the same age as Louis is watching him with strange eyes. Louis can feel his eyes on him as he peruses all the cold medicine that’s guaranteed to put him into a coma. When he has everything he needs and drops it down onto the counter, the guy at the cashier winks at him. _Winks_ at him.

“I have snot on my face.” Louis says, because it’s true and that should be enough to keep someone from flirting with you in his mind.

The guy’s eyes kind of go a bit wide and he finishes up bagging Louis’ things without a word. Louis pays and grabs his bags and goes, rolling his eyes on the way out.

_the cashier just flirted with me and I can’t breathe out my nose_

**How are those things connected?**

_you obviously dont flirt with someone when they can’t breathe out their nose, Hazza._

**I feel enlightened**

People should know these things, Louis figures. He swings the bag alongside himself on his way back home and hums to himself, the song he’s been singing all day to Eleanor. There’s absolutely no chance of him ever forgetting it. Or, forgetting what he sees when he opens the door to his dorm room.

“Okay!” He yells loudly, because he doesn’t know what else to say when faced with Liam and Zayn on top of each other on the floor. “Okay, that’s-alright. Okay.”

Liam yelps and Zayn pulls his lips away from the other boy’s neck long enough to see Louis standing in the doorway still stunned. He can’t move, he’s too transfixed with how intimate it all seems for something happening on a dirty dorm room floor. “Lou.” Zayn croaks out, and nope.

“No, I’m going go,” Louis points out into the hallways and then nods. “Yeah, I’m gonna go do that.” Liam calls his name and he ignores it, rushing out of the dorm and into the longue where he stops because, well, what the hell now?

First he tries Eleanor’s room. She’s out he knows, but he’s praying she may have at least left the door unlocked. Of course, she didn’t. There’s no way in hell he’s going back outside to try and find someone’s place to crash at, he’d rather cough to death here, and he sure as hell can’t go back to his room. Not when his two best friends are probably back on the floor, sucking each other’s faces off.

Louis groans and drops down onto the couch, wishing Zayn and Liam could get drunk and make out here like normal students. Instead he had to walk in on them kissing and whatever else-oh god hands. He hadn’t seen their _hands_!

“Oh dear god,” Louis cries. “Where were their hands?”

He’s seriously considering opening his bag up and taking everything inside it in the hopes he’ll either die or be so injured he’ll forget the whole experience. Memory loss via nyquil, it can happen. About four seconds away from doing it, he hears a commotion from down the hall that stops him.

Zayn’s voice comes through first, sounding sad and almost hopeless. “Li, please just wait-”

“I can’t,” Liam says back. “I’m sorry, I just…can’t.”

The door slams and Liam comes practically running around the corner, not even sparing Louis a glance on his way out the door. Louis frowns and after some internal debate, declares it safe to return to his room. He does knock softly first though, and when he enters he finds Zayn laying on his bed facing the wall.

“Zayn? Are you-”

“I’m fine,” he says shortly. “Just…let’s not talk, okay?”

Louis nods, looking down at his bag sadly. “Alright, yeah. If you um…if you wanted to talk, I’ll be here.”

Zayn nods and quiet falls on the room. Louis puts his bag up on the bed and cycles through all the medicine, trying to make a decision. Thinking back to the time he gave Zayn the speech about how great a friend he is, he decides Zayn probably needs a friend right now too.

“Scoot over, loverboy,” Louis says, crawling up on top of the bed. “You need a cuddle.”

“Lou-”

“Shutup.”

Zayn groans tiredly when Louis reaches over to grab onto him. “Louis, seriously.”

“No, shutup.”

They both lay there sort of stiffly until Zayn finally relaxes into Louis’ hold. “Thank you.” He murmurs, and Louis doesn’t say anything back, just squeezes him tightly.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

“Nick, come on.”

“No, you come on,” Nick shoots back. “It’s going to be great,  just get your skinny little arse over here. I’ve even invited your little friend, Allison or whatever her name is.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “She’s out of town, Nick. You know that, I told you about it not even five minutes ago.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter, just get here.” Nick hangs up and Harry is left staring at his phone in his hand. Lily is perched on the couch, watching him silently. She tilts her head a bit as if asking him why not. He groans and tosses his phone down beside her.

“Fine, I’ll go,” he grumbles. “But I’m wearing the hat he hates.”

An hour later he’s in a taxi, tapping on his knee to the beat of the song on the radio, hat firmly placed on his head. He’s getting drunk tonight, he knows, so he’ll probably end up spending the night in one of the many guest rooms or maybe just passed out in the back garden. There’s really no question about it when he’s eaten practically nothing since about a week ago when he went out with Niall and a few of his friends. Everything he does eat is either vegetables, or he purges it back up. It’s not the most desirable situation but it keeps his mother happy when he sends her his daily report of food he’s eaten. A part of him always feels guilty when they speak, but he _is_ eating. Technically.

The music is pounding already when he arrives and Nick is halfway to drunk. When he spots Harry he laughs so loudly everyone around him seems startled. “You brought the farmer hat!” He exclaims, stealing it off the boy’s head so he can wear it himself before passing it along to Amy who just looks like she’d rather be anywhere else in the world. Harry sympathizes with her.

“Did you go on a bad date?” Harry yells over the music.

Nick rolls his eyes, which tells him yes instantly. “Of course not, never a bad date in my life dear Harry. Now come along, you’re far too sober.”

The sober situation is rectified after three beers and a shot of something that burns going down. Harry now stands, chatting loudly with a girl he doesn’t know and holding onto a brightly colored drink that leaves his tongue tasting sickeningly sweet. The girl’s dress is so low cut her boobs are just about hanging out and her makeup is bordering on outlandish. It’s obvious she’s trying to flirt with him and it’s probably even more obvious how not interested he is. He could not get more not interested, he drunkenly thinks to himself with a grin.

“…Don’t you think so?” Harry didn’t catch the first part of the question but he nods anyway, agreeing with her wholeheartedly. She grins and looks over her shoulder, probably just to show off her hair or whatever it is girls show off. Harry isn’t sure what girls show off. What do guys like about girls anyway? There’s too much…softness. He wants muscles and asses and things like that.

That could be why he’s gay.

The girl turns back and Harry finally recognizes her as Samantha, the younger sister of somebody famous who he currently doesn’t remember the name of. They’ve met a few times at award shows and parties and things, so it probably isn’t odd for them to be having a conversation right now. It probably is a bit odd for her to be flirting with him though, because even if she doesn’t know he’s gay, she does know about Allison. Everyone knows about Allison.

“I miss Allison.” He says.

Samantha’s face sort of falls. She seems to think it over for a moment, before nodding and smiling at him seductively. “Yeah? What is it exactly you miss about her, maybe we can fix that.” One of her fingers finds its way to trace his rose tattoo and okay, that is _not_ what he was going for at all. He pulls back and looks around for someone, anyone he knows that could get him out of this conversation.

The room is suddenly too small, there are too many people dancing and laughing and talking and their voices seem amplified by a thousand. Then there are lips against his, lips coming down hard and belonging to a girl, too soft and sticky with lipstick and smelling of perfume. They belong to Samantha. What feels like a million phone camera shutters go off and Harry breaks away, panicking. He looks from the small, laughing group gathered, to Samantha who seems quite pleased with herself, and runs. He drops his drink right on the ground and runs away from all of them, away from the judging eyes, the pictures sure to be spread all over the internet.

He feels like he’s hyperventilating as he makes it down the hall, looking for anywhere to hide. Finally, his hands land on a doorknob and he yanks the door open to reveal a closet full of junk and clothes. Perfect.

Getting in takes a bit of maneuvering, but he’s soon sitting pressed up against a wall and a deflated pool floatie, in the dark. “It’s okay,” Harry murmurs to himself, dropping his head to his knees. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He spreads out his fingers one at a time and then slowly reaches for his cell phone in his pocket.

Louis takes a while to answer and Harry is almost worried he won’t, but there’s finally a _click_ and the lovely sound of the older boy yawning. “Mm, Hazza?” His voice is scratchy and a bit stuffed up from being sick, but still perfect nonetheless.

Harry wipes at his eyes, having only just realized he was crying, and smiles. “Hey Lou.”

There’s some rustling and then the sound of another yawn. “Love, are you crying? What’s wrong?”

A sob breaks through his hand which is clamped over his mouth, and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Louis, I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep pretending to be something I’m not, I can’t-”

“Hey, Harry, hey,” Louis’ tired voice is incredibly soothing. “Hazza, breathe okay? It’s going to be alright, I promise.”

“You don’t know that.” Harry murmurs.

“Of course I do,” Louis chuckles slightly. “I know everything, haven’t you heard? Meaning, I know you are going to be just fine Harry. More than fine if I have any say in the matter. Now, calm down and tell me what happened.”

Harry nods even though they can’t see each other, and breathes out slowly. He does this a few more times until his hands stop shaking and he can speak again, while Louis just waits patiently. “I’m at a party,” he mumbles, still sniffling a little bit. “And I um, I was talking to this girl and she kissed me and everyone saw. And they all laughed at me and I freaked out.”

“What a bitch,” Louis growls, protectiveness obvious in his tone. “Where are you now, love?”

Looking around, Harry sighs. “A um, a closet.” This makes Louis laugh, and Harry almost hangs up until he says something that makes Harry chuckle as well.

“Oh, sweetheart. The irony.”

Harry laughs and Louis laughs along with him, until he sighs softly. “I’m trying to think of something else to make you laugh,” he admits. “Oh, wait. Guess what happened to me earlier?”

“What?” Harry asks, biting his lip to keep his grin under control even if no one else is around to see.

Louis chuckles a bit. “I walked in on Liam and Zayn kissing today.” He says.

A small gasp catches in Harry’s throat. Zayn is head over heels for Liam, always has been ever since they were first put together as roommates. Back in the beginning when it was really bad, Harry used to get nightly phone calls from the communal bathroom about the way Liam did this, or how Liam said that. He even went so far as to cry when the boy shaved his head once, it’s really a bit pathetic and a lot adorable. According to Louis, Liam has felt about the same way since the beginning.

“What happened?” He asks, practically begging for details.

Louis snorts. “They were on the floor, Zayn was hoovering Liam’s neck. I didn’t see anything besides that, I sort of just made a run for it.”

It does get Harry to laugh, so loudly that he has to cover his mouth with his hand to keep from getting found. Louis soon joins in on the laughter and Harry sort of feels like Zayn now, loving every single thing about what Louis does. Even his laugh is perfect, groggy from lack of sleep maybe, but still perfect to him. He could listen to Louis speak to him all night long, he has in the past and he counts himself extremely lucky for that fact.

It takes a little while but they both eventually calm down enough to where Harry can speak again. “Lou, I wish you were here.” He hates how desperate he sounds.

Louis makes a noise like he regrets everything that led him to not being where Harry is. “Love, I wish I could be there too,” he murmurs softly. “I would give you the biggest hug, yeah? We could cuddle for hours and hours, and watch stupid romantic comedies together and you’d never cry again, not while I’m around. I wouldn’t ever let anyone make you cry. I’d pet your hair and you could feed me grapes like a greek god.”

This all makes Harry laugh again but it comes out more like a snorting noise. “Someday, right?” he asks. “You promise?”

“Cross my heart, babe. There’s no getting rid of me now, not without a proper cuddle together first.”

Harry smiles, until he realizes what time it is. “I woke you up, Lou. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Sweetheart, don't even start its Saturday night I’m fine. Do you have a ride home? No offense, you sound a bit drunk.”

Harry picks at the hole in the knee of his jeans. “M’gonna call a taxi home…would you stay on the phone with me until I get there? Please?”

“No need to ask twice,” Louis says, his tone telling Harry he would have done it anyway, no questions asked. “You call for a taxi babe, I’ll be right here waiting.”

Even though he doesn’t want to, Harry does have to hang up and call himself a taxi. He really doesn’t fancy sleeping in Nick’s closet all night long. Not even two seconds after he’s hung up, he’s calling Louis back who answers with a simple, “So, how’s work?”

They talk for an hour all together, in the closet where he’s hidden, in the taxi that takes him home, and finally as he’s laying back in bed. He feels drunker now from being so tired than he ever did from the alcohol. When he speaks it tends to come out as more of a slur.

“Lou, I like you a lot y’know,” he sighs into the phone. “Zayn shoulda introduced us sooner.”

Louis laughs and it’s the most beautiful sound in the world Harry decides. “I like you a lot too, idiot. Are you going to sleep now?”

“Sing me a lullaby and I will.” He challenges.

Louis chuckles again and then sighs. “Fine. Rock a bye Harry, all alone in his bed. Louis is tired, so please rest your head…um, fuck babe. I dunno.”

“Lou, finish it.” Harry whines, loving the sound of Louis’ singing voice. It’s so soft and calming, he can feel himself falling asleep.

He sighs even louder this time, sounding put out. Harry can just imagine his little nose scrunching up in concentrations as he pulls his hair around tiredly. Finally, his voice is filling the speaker again. “When Haz goes to sleep, then Louis will too, and no more late night phone calls not even to Boo.”

“Boo?”

Louis yawns. “It’s what my mum calls me, Boobear. Don’t tell anyone else or I’ll kill you I swear.”

Harry smiles and let’s his eyes close like they’ve been wanting to for hours. “Your lullaby made me tired, you’re good.” He mumbles.

“I’m sure it was that and not the alcohol or the long taxi ride, or all those people shouting at you.”

Harry is quiet for a little while longer. Tomorrow he’ll have to deal with all of that, with the pictures, the rumors, with Allison and their management teams. Tonight though, tonight all he has to do is sleepily whisper things to Louis.

“I love you, Louis.”

There’s an intake of breath on the other line and Louis is silent. Finally, he coughs and answers back. “I love you too Harry. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Lou.” He hangs up, and snuggles in close to his pillow. Harry will have to deal with hell tomorrow but tonight he’s smiling and he feels like he’s floating on air.

 

 


	8. Chapter 7

_Harry:_

Harry sits at the head of the large table, Allison by his side, and magazines all with some variation of his face on them spread out like an offering. One of them even has the picture of Samantha kissing him in a small little box on the over. He stares at that one in particular, focusing on his eyes which are squeezed shut and his hands on Samantha’s shoulders, trying to push her away.

His and Allison’s manager Kara is pacing the room, heels click clacking on the floor incessantly while three or four people from PR talk amongst themselves. Kara stops finally, her blue eyes just as cold and calculating as always when she speaks. “We have two options.” She announces to the room at large, grabbing the magazine out from Harry’s gaze and looking down at it.

The chatter stops and everyone looks at her expectantly. She leans on the table and looks at Allison and Harry, frowning slightly. “Our first option is to break you both up, play it like the cheating has been an ongoing problem, and have Allison add a few lover scorned songs to the new album,” she waves a hand as if this wouldn’t be any problem before she continues. “Or, we ignore it completely and send you out together looking like the happiest couple in the universe and ensure no more of these pictures get out.”

By the time she’s finished speaking, Allison is fuming. “You cannot say Harry’s a cheater, that’s horrible for you to even suggest!” Out of everyone, she knows how much the womanizer image he gets hurts him. Besides the fact that he doesn’t actually want to sleep with women, if he did he would never treat them like that. He was raised better.

“Aly,” Harry murmurs, stopping her before she can go on a rant. He looks up to Kara and takes a deep breath, trying to gather up any courage he might have left. “What about a third option?”

Kara rolls her eyes. “I didn’t give you a third option.”

“I came up with it,” he says with a small smile. “You let me come out.”

Kara looks set to have a heart attack just at the suggestion. The PR team starts chattering again and Allison is staring at him with a proud smile. Kara quickly shuts them all up and tries to articulate a sentence. “Harry, you cannot…I…dear god,” she reaches up and rubs at her temples, something she seems to do a lot when Harry is around. “We’ve been over this.”

“I know we have, but I want to go over it again. I can’t be with Allison forever, no offense.”

Allison rolls her eyes and elbows him. “None taken, trust me, I’d rather not be stuck with you forever either.”

Harry nods, a small smile pulling at his lips because she’s on his side. Allison is on his side and for some reason he feels a hell of a lot braver. “Yeah that too, Aly deserves to be able to be able to date just as much as I do.”

Kara sighs. “You have a contract together that runs to the end of next year, you are aware of that aren’t you?”

“Well I thought maybe we could try to get out of it earlier.”

“It’s a contract for a reason, Harry,” Kara continues, as if he’s stupid. “We’re not going to break it just because you can’t keep your hands to yourself.” With this, she slaps down the magazine she’s been holding, cover facing up.

Harry’s shocked at that. “I didn’t do anything!” He defends.

Kara rolls her eyes and gathers her things from the table. “We’ll go with the second option for now,” she decides. “You’ll go out together tomorrow. I’ll email you the full plans once we have them.”

The PR team disappears in the pack they came with, out the door so quickly Harry almost forgets they were ever here. He grabs his phone and stands to go, but is stopped by a dainty hand on his chest. It’s Kara, and she’s frowning.

“I heard you fired the trainer I set up for you.”

“I didn’t fire him,” he corrects her. “I put it on hold.”

She hums softly, and shakes her head. “You’ll start again then, and the diet. Especially the diet.” After a firm poke at his stomach, she leaves, heels clicking all the way down the hall.

Harry’s so tempted to yell after her, to scream that he was on his knees in a fucking _resteraunt bathroom_ this morning, getting rid of the breakfast he ate with Allison just because it felt too heavy in his stomach and he didn’t have the time to stop off at home. He’s so tempted to tell someone, anyone that his stomach is almost constantly either growling or contracting in hunger. He wants somebody to know he’s trying his best, but his best still isn’t good enough.

Allison’s hand comes to his shoulder, squeezing softly. “Babe, don’t you dare listen to her.”

“I am fat.” He says matter-of-factly.”

“You are not, if anything you have some baby fat,” she laughs, like this is somehow funny. “And he rest is muscle, everyone has that. If she can’t see it then fuck her. Come on, you can come home with me, I’ll make you lunch. Invite Niall.” She reaches for his hand and clasps it in her own, tugging him along down the hallway and out to the parking garage where their car is waiting.

When he reaches for his phone to text Niall, he sees he already has one from Louis.

  _how are you feeling, babe?_

He smiles and Allison grins knowingly from beside him. “That your boy?”

“Mhm,” he sighs. “My boy.” And wouldn’t it be lovely if Louis really was.

**Fine mostly. horrible headache though**

_I figured. you were pretty drunk last night you made me sing to you_

Harry groans loudly and hides his face when he reads that. When Allison asks what’s wrong, he hands the phone over and points to the screen. She promptly laughs at him and shakes her head. “God H, you sure do know how to reel them in.”

“Shutup, Allison.”

**And did you?**

_of course, im appalled you dont remember_

Only, he does. He remembers the song, he remembers everything that came with it suddenly and it’s all properly embarrassing. What an idiot h was, hiding in a closet and sobbing just because of a kiss. All that could comfort him though was Louis, and that really must mean something…or it could just mean he’s a blubbering fool that Louis is putting up with because he’s Zayn’s friend. There’s always that.

Allison’s flat is much homier than his is, probably because she actually picked it out and decorated it herself, plus it’s much smaller than his own. Her dog, Luca, comes bounding up as soon as the door open and jumps on Harry with as much force as a small mutt can muster. Harry laughs and picks him up, listening to Allison go on about her newest guitar while they wait for Niall. He can practically hear the nervousness in her tone when he tells her Niall’s downstairs.

Soon, there’s a knock at the door and Allison goes red. Yeah, he definitely isn’t seeing things.

“Get it,” she stage whispers, frowning when Harry laughs. “Harry, seriously go let him in!”

Harry just laughs even more and heads over, opening the door for Niall who sweeps in and promptly steals Luca away. “He loves me more than you, don’t you boy!” Niall sings, ruffling the mutt’s mottled brown fur affectionately. He looks up and a grin splits his face when he spots Allison, leaning against her couch in a stance that’s obviously meant to look casual and unpracticed while being simultaneously attractive.

“Hey Aly.”

“Hi Niall.” She murmurs back, eyes moving to look somewhere else. Harry wonders if Niall knows her newest single is actually about him and not just some random unrequited love as she’s tried to lead people to believe. Judging by the way Niall runs off to the living room to play with Luca without another word to either of them, he guesses not.

Allison shoots Harry a look, eyes pleading, and he just shrugs. What can he say, he just isn’t good with stuff like this.

The three of them eventually settle down on the couches with the chicken Allison’s made, probably in an attempt to impress Niall. He’s being an idiot though and only talking with the dog, practically ignoring the other two. Allison keeps shooting Harry desperate looks, and he keeps shrugging back. No doubt this will all lead to another Grammy winning album, probably entitled He Wouldn’t Look At Me At Dinner. Harry grins at his own joke and continues eating, chopping the food into smaller bits so it looks like he’s eaten more than he has.

“Niall, how’s school?” Is what Allison has decided to break the silence with.

“Fine,” Niall says, still not looking back over at the both of them. “Would rather be doing what you guys are than sitting in class.”

This seems to spark something in Allison and she pushes her plate away quickly. “You play guitar, don’t you?” When Niall nods back, she disappears.

Harry takes this as an opportunity to hit him over the head with a throw pillow. Niall yelps and Luca chases after the pillow, pouncing on it. “What the hell was that for?” He asks, rubbing at his head like it hurt him.

“For you being a dumbass, you dumbass,” Harry hisses back. “Stop ignoring her! I know she makes you nervous but she’s trying to flirt with you.”

If Niall’s eyes went any wider, they’d probably fall out of the sockets. “She is not!” he whispers back. “Harry, she’s Allison fucking Arthur, why would she be flirting with me?”

Harry throws his hands up in the air and groans. “God only knows Niall, honestly. Just stop pretending to be more interested in the dog than her, and listen when she talks.”

Niall’s about to say something else, but Allison is soon returning with her guitar. Harry raises his eyebrows because that one in particular is her baby, she won’t even let him touch it and he was there when she used it for the first time in public at the X-Factor auditions. To his disbelief, she easily hands it over to Niall and sits down beside him.

“I’ve been trying to figure this song out,” she explains, pulling a few folded pieces of paper from her pocket and smoothing them out on her knee. “You’d help me, wouldn’t you? I’d give you credit-”

“You don’t have to do that.” Niall interrupts her quickly.

Allison rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, no. You’re getting credit. It’s just this verse here…” Harry turns away from the two of them, smirking. While the sound of soft guitar playing comes from the other couch, he turns his attention to his phone.

 **I think I** **’ve just successfully set up a beautiful relationship.**

It takes Louis a little while to text back, but when he does Harry has to stifle a laugh. _Good that can be our new mission as mission Ziam is crumbling before my very eyes._

They text for a while about how Liam is apparently being very stubborn, until the music stops and Harry looks up to see Allison grinning and Niall smiling softly back at her. At her soul, Allison is still the big geek that no one ever took a second glance at in school. Niall is seeing it now though, that spark that draws everyone to her so easily like a moth to a flame. It’s the same spark that wins hearts all over the world and almost won her X-Factor.

To put it in simple terms, he’s fucked.

“Ni, wanna give me a ride home?” Harry asks, breaking their eye contact finally.

Seeming a bit dazed, Niall nods and carefully hands Allison her guitar back. She smiles up at him and thanks him. “You know, if you wanted to help me write you could come by again sometime this weekend,” she hints. “I could text you.”

Niall nods a few times. “Yeah, of course. You have my number right?” she nods and he sighs softly, obviously in a daze. “Right so I um. I’ll just see ya this weekend, then.”

Allison grins and Harry’s concerned Niall might fall over so he grabs his friend by the hood of his jacket and starts tugging. “Bye Aly, I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” He calls, still pulling Niall out the door as she calls her goodbyes to the tune of Luca’s barking.

“Dude, what the fuck!” Niall bats his friend’s hands away and frowns. “What was that?”

Harry shrugs. “No clue, looked like you finally realized she’s been trying to flirt with you ever since you met,” He mutters, stabbing the down button at the elevator a few times, really wanting to go home and cuddle with Lily, maybe take a very long, very deserved nap.

This leaves Niall looking stunned and obviously very confused. “It has not been that long.”

“It really has,” Harry smiles and walks into the elevator. “Come on lover boy, I’ve got to get home to brood and be lonely.

 

* * *

 

_Louis:_

 

“So that was a pretty shitty thing you did yesterday.” Louis says when Liam comes into the room. He jumps in surprise and turns to look at Louis, who’s sat on his bed as normal with macaroni and cheese in his hand an unamused frown.

“You’re supposed to be practicing with Eleanor.” He points out.

“I’m sick,” Louis says simply. “And you’re here because you know I’m supposed to be out. Zayn too.” He raises an eyebrow and keeps eating, trying to show defiance.

Liam groans. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” He mutters, dragging a hand through his hair, which thankfully is growing back. Louis didn’t much care for the shorn sheep look he’d adopted a few months back.

“Yeah, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Louis says sarcastically. “Just left Zayn a mess, practically crying, with no explanation and no rational reason as to why.”

It’s this that finally gets Liam to stop moving around trying to look busy. He looks up at Louis, puppy dog eyes in full effect. “He cried?”

Louis shrugs, and nods. “Just about did, yeah. I had to comfort him with my kick ass comforting skills.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Liam mutters, sitting down on his bed heavily. “I…fuck, Lou. I really fucked this up.”

“Yeah, you did.”

Liam drops his head into his hands and sighs loudly. “Well, what now then?” he asks, looking up and to Louis, waiting for an answer. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

"Apologize, idiot. Admit that you are scared to death and you still want this." Louis says, rolling his eyes at how stupid his best friend’s being. Really, for someone so smart he can be a massive idiot when he feels like it.

Liam looks around the room until his eyes land on his phone. He grabs it like a lifeline and starts typing. "'Can we meet up to talk?'" He looks up to Louis with questioning eyes.

"Add a little kiss at the end to make up for the one I ruined last night." He nods sagely and Liam does it.

"Speaking of," Liam mutters. “How’s Harry?

Louis rolls his eyes and shrugs. It’s obvious this is just a way for Liam to change the subject, but he’ll play along. “He’s alright. What do you want to know exactly?”

The thing is, Louis knows exactly what Liam is getting at but he isn’t in the mood to talk about the fact that yes, okay he hasn’t seen this boy’s face before. He has absolutely no clue what Harry looks like, or his last name, and Harry has that information on him. It doesn’t matter to him, is the thing. There’s probably a reason why he doesn’t know those things, and he doesn’t want to pry.

Then again, there’s a part of him that is very, very curious.

Liam looks like he wants to say something else but he’s interrupted by the door opening. “Louis!” Zayn yells, looking flustered, until he catches sight of Liam. “Louis-oh. Hi Liam.”

“Hi.” Liam mutters, looking away. “I’ll just um, I’ll go.” He stands up and tries to leave but is stopped when Zayn throws out his arm to stop him.

“Wait, just wait for me okay? I have to talk to Louis real quick about Harry, and then we can go somewhere and get lunch and talk,” Zayn says quickly, his words tumbling out so fast Louis hardly catches them. “If that’s okay with you, I mean.”

It’s so strange to see them being awkward around one another, Louis thinks with a frown. He’s so used to their playful banter or bickering, easy and unrehearsed unlike this. He’d definitely like that back. Liam smiles at Zayn softly and after waving at Louis, walks down the hall. Zayn stays in the doorway, watching him go until he’s a safe enough distance away, and then slamming the door shut.

“This isn’t about Harry.” He blurts out.

Louis has to stifle his laughter, which is easy because it quickly turns into a hacking cough. This cold is kicking his ass. “I could’ve guessed.”

Zayn’s nostrils flare and he drops down on the bed beside Louis heavily. “I didn’t know he was here, I was coming to ask if I should go or not. But now I’m guessing that text was partially your idea?”

“Not really,” Louis admits, still not looking up from his food. “I just sort of told him to get his head out of his ass, if I’m being honest with you. The text was him.”

This gets Zayn to nod a few times. He then nods another few times, and finally just swears loudly. “Fuck Lou, what if he doesn’t want anything with me?”

“Well, judging by the way he almost cried when I told him how badly he hurt you, I think it’s safe to say he wants at least something to do with you.”

Zayn looks up at that, surprised. “He did? Really?”

Louis nods, chewing thoughtfully. “I’ve never seen him like this about someone before Z, he really does like you. He’s just scared. If you ask me, he thinks he isn’t good enough for you, but who knows I could be wrong. Just talk to him. I promise if you talk it’ll be so much better.”

“Okay, I can do that,” Zayn mutters, standing up and grabbing a jumper to pull on over his shirt, leaving his hair artfully messy in a way that makes Louis jealous. “Thanks Lou.”

“No problem babe, good luck. Treat my boy right.”

Zayn laughs and practically runs from the room, calling Liam’s name as he bounds down the hall. The door falls closed behind him and Louis is left alone again. He really does hope those two can work this out so the tense atmosphere in their room can go away and he can have friends to hang out with again. It’s only just hit him that outside of the many men he’s slept with, he doesn’t have very many friends. Sure, he’s quite popular and just about everyone knows him as an acquaintance, but his only friends are Eleanor, Liam, and Zayn. And, well, Harry too but he doesn’t count when he can’t be here to entertain him.

On cue, Harry texts him back. He’s been at a meeting all day, something about what happened last night because whoever he kissed was apparently a coworker, but Louis still texted him in the morning as usual. He’s now at a friend’s house having lunch and trying to set something up between his friends. It’s almost time for Louis himself to have lunch when he finally gathers up enough courage to ask the question.

 _you can ignore me but is there a reason why I don_ _’t know your last name and haven’t ever seen a picture because El’s got me convinced you’re a forty year old creep from Sweden._

He sends it before he can think about it, and then throws his phone across the bed. By the time he’s left the room to head for the kitchen for more of El’s leftover soup and something to swallow a pill with and come back, there’s still no answer. He has time to flip through the channels on TV twice and pick an older looking movie he doesn’t know the name of and doesn’t really intend to watch, snuggle into bed, and finish his soup before Harry finally texts back.

 **I** **’m really sorry I didn’t even think about how creepy it would make me seem being so secretive so…my last name is sort of embarrassing but its Cox. there’s one, and to answer your second question I wouldn’t want to break the screen of your phone with my face**

 _oh that is unfortunate, poor you and I doubt you would, babe. I bet you_ _’re beautiful._

 **Trust me. I** **’m not. I’ve got acne and a big nose and “baby fat” according to my friend.**

 _what a coincidence, that_ _’s everything I look for in a man._

Louis could’ve guessed it would end up being something like that. That ought to show Eleanor, Harry isn’t old and creepy he’s just shy and self-conscious, something Louis can relate to. If it were up to him Harry never would’ve seen those pictures Zayn sent him, he isn’t under any impression that he’s handsome, but at least he isn’t absolutely hideous. That’s something that should go on his headshot, he thinks suddenly.

 **I** **’m being serious Louis, I’ve been trying to lose weight it’s not happening.**

This catches his attention. He suddenly remembers back when Zayn had been so worried back when he and Harry had just started talking. He’d said something about Harry not eating. “Harry wouldn’t,” Louis says out loud, because he is very sure. Harry would never do anything so stupid, like starving himself or whatever it is people do when they get those ideas in their heads.

 _you_ _’re perfect. I promise, even if I never see you I know you’re beautiful because you are the most wonderful person I’ve ever known and that’s the kind of thing that shows itself inside and outside_

Again, the text takes a while to come, but when it does it makes Louis smile. **Thank you Lou. I meant it last night, I love you you** **’re such a great friend**

Even though no one’s around, Louis still hides his smile behind his hand. He was worried Harry wouldn’t remember that part, worried that it was just some drunken words with nothing to really back it up. He texts back, _the best_ , and is about to set his phone down when he gets a call.

He expects it to be from Harry, but it’s from Liam. They’re still out on their little lunch date but it’s started to get dark out so he’s a bit suspicious when he answers. “Hello there, Li, how’s it going?”

“Great,” Liam breathes. “Really, really great. Listen, um, I know this is kind of a shitty thing to ask from you but do you think maybe you could stay at El’s tonight?”

Louis frowns. “Why?”

Zayn is speaking in the background but Louis can’t make out what he’s saying, it’s too low. “Lou, please?” Liam whines, his breathing getting just a bit heavier.

And it hits him about then that his best friend is calling him while making out with Zayn, which, no. “I’m leaving now,” he announces. “I’m getting out of here right now, call me when you’re done…ugh.” Louis hangs up and after shooting a quick text to Eleanor, starts gathering his medicine and clothes he’ll need for the night.

 _I_ _’ve just been kicked out of my room so z and liam can have sex I think mission ziam was a success after all._ He texts Harry, smiling a bit to himself.

Eleanor texts back saying, **_I_** ** _’ll be back in a little bit but it’s unlocked tell me it all when I get there!!!_** So he deems it safe enough to leave his room and head out to hers.

As she said, Eleanor isn’t there when he comes in but she must of just ran out because her computer is still open, playing some acoustic song that he actually likes once he listens to it. He’s humming along to it when the door creaks open just a bit and Eleanor’s laughter startles him.

“You were singing a Harry Styles song,” she informs him with a giggle. “And you loved it.”

Louis’ face turns red and he frowns. “You were listening to a Harry Styles song, you’re just as bad! Why do you even have that on there?”

This time, Eleanor is the one who turns red. She hurries over to the computer and turns the next song off that features some girl as well. “I just listened to a few songs, he’s pretty good actually. You thought so too.”

Louis rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone, smiling down at Harry’s text message. **TOO MUCH INFORMATION LOUIS THATS MY BEST FRIEND…Really though, good for them.**

“Okay, maybe he isn’t so bad,” he mutters, texting back. “Harry Styles isn’t so bad. Happy?”

Eleanor grins and nods. “Very.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oohhh Harry lied how dare he, p.s. Allison and Niall are my new favorite thing to write.
> 
> Anyway, updates will probably come at least once a week now, thank you so much for reading and leaving comments and kudos xx


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep skipping around in time in this story I'm sorry, I'm not sure why I'm doing that. Anyway, I think this story will be a short one so it'll be only around 16-18 chapters, oops, but thank you for all the kudos and comments. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Harry:_

“But does he ever talk about me?”

Zayn bangs his head against the window a few times and Harry reaches across the car to punch him on the shoulder. “You’re both so annoying,” he groans loudly, wincing when he lets his head rest against the window again. “It’s like you’re fucking in love with each other or something.”

Harry barks out a laugh to cover up his embarrassment. “Right, like you aren’t like this about Liam.”

Zayn goes red. “Well, at least Liam and I can kiss when we want to.” He snaps back, and quiet falls over the two.

It’s a sore subject, the fact that Louis and Harry haven’t actually met yet. Harry wants nothing more really, but the deeper he gets into this the harder it seems to be to tell Louis the truth. He’s not afraid of how angry Louis might be, so much as what he might think. To him, it seems ridiculous that someone like Louis could ever take an interest in someone like him.

“I’m sorry Haz,” Zayn sighs. “But you have to tell him soon. It doesn’t feel right, you know? His entire face lights up every time we talk about you and it makes me feel like shit for lying to him.”

“I’ll tell him for sure before the concert in February,” Harry decides, keeping his eyes on the road. “He’s always talking about how much he hates my music, I think it’d be sort of funny to make him go away.” That is, if he doesn’t hate Harry for lying, he mentally adds.

Zayn rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Hates you, right. That’s why he and El spent hours last week studying for finals with your annoying voice playing as loud as possible.”

Harry laughs and shakes his head. His songs are catchy, what can he say? In fact, he’s just finished an interview and performance that was taped for a talk show airing later tonight. He wonders absently if Louis might watch it, chances are he won’t, but a boy can dream.

They’re halfway to Harry’s home when Zayn insists they stop and get something to eat. He chooses McDonalds since he’s too tired to actually get out of the car, and Harry’s heart beats about a million times per second. He somehow convinces Zayn he ate a large breakfast this morning with Allison before he left Lily with her and picked him up from the train station. He gets away with a milkshake while Zayn eats his weight in unhealthy food. He thinks, not for the first time, how unfair it is that Zayn and Niall can eat whatever they want and still end up looking like they do.

When they finally get to Holmes Chapel it’s just about dinner time. Anne is waiting inside for them along with Gemma, who runs out to hug Harry and help with the luggage. They both coo over Zayn, commenting on how well he’s grown since the last time they saw him-which was quite literally a few months ago, Harry thinks with a smile-and generally treating him like a prince.

All through their greetings, Harry can feel Gemma’s eyes on him. When he hugs her again in passing, she pulls in in tight. “We need to talk.” She whispers into his ear.

He cringes, but nods and hugs his mother next who not so subtly runs her hands over his sides. “You two are just in time for dinner.” She announces once she’s let him go.

“Actually-”

“Actually, all you’ve eaten today was that milkshake and a red bull backstage,” Zayn interrupts. “So you should probably get to the table.”

Everyone turns to stare at Harry. It’s so awkward he can do nothing but shoulder his bag and point towards the steps. Zayn sighs but follows him upstairs, dropping his things into the guest room while Harry continues on to his bedroom. His room is a safe haven, exactly how he left it the last time he visited, and the time before that, and all the way back when he left for X Factor, back before life got hard. Even his old posters are there, and when he smiles as always at the collage of photos he’s tacked up.

It’s strange, he thinks when he sits down onto his tiny bed, so strange how things like this are exactly the same as always. At home he’s still Harry and it’s almost as if he never left in the first place, he helps his mum out around the house, cooks with her, acts like the child he was when he left. But, as soon as he steps out that door he’s Harry Styles again and the weight of the world is right back on his shoulders.

Sighing, he lays back on his bed and stares at the ceiling, connecting specks on the paint until there’s a soft knock at the open door. He turns and sees Gemma standing there with her arms crossed, and there’s really no telling how long she’s been watching him.

“I think maybe we should have that talk now,” she says. “What do you think?”

“Fine,” Harry says with a wave of his hand. “Come on, come tell me off.”

Gemma rolls her eyes at the dramatics and steps into the room fully. “I’m not here to tell you off, I’m here because believe it or not I care about you. Plus you’re scaring the shit out of Mum.”

He’s sure she’s said it just to get to him, but still he sits up and motions for her to shut the door. After she does so, she ends up right beside him on the bed, arm brushing his. They sit in silence for a bit looking at the relics of his old life, before Gemma finally speaks up.

“My roommate in uni freshman year was anorexic,” she says. “And she hid it so well, I mean we were good friends, we spent most of our days together, and I still never noticed.”

Seeing where she’s going with this, Harry sighs. “Gems-”

“No, listen to me,” she interrupts him, eyes meeting his to show her sincerity. “Listen to me Harry, please this is important.”

And it really must be, Harry thinks, because her eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. Gemma never really cries, she’s always been his tough big sister ready to take down whoever or whatever’s hurting him. It’s obvious now that she’s realizes this is so much bigger than a scrape on the knee or a bully at school, even if Harry won’t admit it.

“I never noticed until it was too late and one night she just collapsed. When they took her in she had these huge baggy clothes on, but underneath she was just skin and bones. She weighed practically nothing, H, they had to feed her through a tube because her body was so used to not eating.”

Harry self-consciously wraps his arms around his stomach, fingers finding the edges of his too large jumper. He isn’t that bad. It’s just a diet, he isn’t anorexic, it’s not that bad.

Gemma keeps staring at him, practically challenging him to say something else. “Harry, she could’ve died. Do you understand that?”

That’s too far. Harry shakes his head and before she can go on asks, “Why are you telling me this?” He remembers when that happened, he remembers Gemma explaining just how tiny the girl was through tears, and he isn’t that bad. Sure, he gets dizzy sometimes, but he’s nowhere near passing out or anything. It’s just a diet.

“Because this is how it started!” Gemma just about shouts. “At first it was a diet, and the next thing I know I’m calling an ambulance while she lays unconscious on the floor. You aren’t eating Harry, I know you’re not because unlike everyone else I do talk to Allison. I asked her just now if you had breakfast this morning, do you know what she says?”

“She’s lying.” Harry murmurs.

Gemma doesn’t even give that a thought, just pushes on. “She says you had to drop your cat off and practically run out of there to get to the train station on time to pick up Zayn.”

And fuck, that blows a huge hole in Harry’s entire plan. All along he’s been relying on the fact that most of his family and friends hate Allison just for being a beard, but he forgot about Gemma, Gemma who actually does talk to Allison somewhat regularly. He fish mouths for a moment, before gulping and shaking his head again. He can do this.

“When I say I eat with her it’s because I ate something small,” he lies easily. “And I know Mum hates that, so does Niall and the rest of you, so I just lie. I’m sorry Gem, it’s just what my trainer tells me to do.” Which is another lie, because even his trainer now seems worried about his weight loss at this point? The large jumpers don’t help much when you’re running shirtless.

Gemma looks like she doesn’t believe him, but she says nothing. She instead pulls him in for a bone crushing hug, holding Harry tightly to her chest until he finally manages to wiggle away. He makes a face that finally gets a laugh and a smile out of her. She wipes at the few tears that escaped, and shakes her head at his stupidity.

“C’mon, we better go save Zayn from Mum.” She says, standing up and straightening out her shirt.

Sure enough, when they get downstairs, Zayn and Anne are in the kitchen speaking in whispered tones. When Harry catches the word “eating” being thrown around, he decides he doesn’t care to find out what they’re saying. They stop as soon as they catch sight of him, and his mum smiles at Gemma.

“Did you two talk?” She asks carefully.

“I straightened him out,” Gemma says, ruffling Harry’s curls on her way to the table.

The food is already set out and when he catches sight of it, Harry’s stomach rolls uncomfortably. He guesses he can make a small exception to his rule about purging around his family tonight. After all, he’s been good hasn’t he? The last full meal he even nibbled at was three or four days ago now at some function he doesn’t remember the name of. He’s been running on mostly water until today.

That’s what gets to him, that’s what makes him feel better even after hearing Gemma’s speech. Even though he’s on an extreme sort of diet, he does still eat at times. He had a whole half of a sandwich last week in fact, and he didn’t even puke it all back up. As long as he tries to keep it up, he’ll be fine. Or, at least that’s what he tells himself.

When they all sit down and start eating, Anne watches her son closely. Harry self consciously picks at the food, which smells delicious honestly, until he turns her attention over to Zayn. “So, Zayn,” she starts, and her tone just screams mischief. “How’s Louis?”

Harry chokes.

After Gemma hits him on the back a few times, all while biting her lip to stop a smile, his mother picks the conversation up again. “You live with him, don’t you?” She asks, faking innocence.

Zayn coughs a bit, throwing Harry an apologetic look. “Yeah, I dorm with him and my uh-boyfriend,” a small smile appears as he talks about Liam, but dissipates when he begins speaking again. “But anyway, Lou’s great. Why?”

Anne hums a bit, and then looks back over to Harry. “I just know Harry quite likes him, that’s all.”

Harry scrapes his knife across his plate extra hard, hoping to put a stop to the conversation. Zayn though, being the complete fucking _idiot_ he is, Harry thinks bitterly, answers her yet again.

“Well, I know Lou likes him as well.” He points out nervously.

Gemma decides to speak up now and join in the drama. “He has no clue who Harry is.”

Harry groans and drops his head into his hands. “Guys, come on.”

His mother shoots him a look, but Zayn speaks up first, coming to Harry’s rescue finally. “We’ve actually talked about it,” he says, eying Harry. “Haz is gonna tell him soon, aren’t you?”

Taking the lifeline, Harry nods a few too many times and tries not to sound hesitant when he speaks. “Of course,” he says. “Yeah, soon. Really soon.”

Anne looks at him for a moment, before shrugging and returning to her food. Gemma giggles and Harry lets out a sigh of relief, happy the conversation is over. It has reminded him though, he needs to get Louis’ information to send him his gift tonight.

The knowledge of what he’ll be doing tonight makes Harry smile all throughout the rest of dinner, happy to have his own little secret, and even happier to hopefully make his Louis happy. Anne smiles back at him and he figures he can keep this up.

 

* * *

 

_Louis:_

Trying to practice for an audition in a house full of four little girls was a horrible idea to begin with, but even worse now that they’re all gathered around the telly downstairs. Screaming.

Groaning, Louis puts his script down on his bed and goes to see what all the commotion is. The girls are practically in a pile next to the Christmas tree, eyes trained on the screen where somebody is singing. It sounds awfully familiar for some reason.

“Girls!” His mother shouts from the kitchen, sounding exhausted. “Please.” Is all she says, but it’s quite obvious what she’s getting at. Lottie being the oldest hushes all the other girls and turns the telly up louder, filling the room with the voice of one Harry Goddamn Styles.

Rolling his eyes, Louis flops down onto the couch and pulls his phone out. There’s no point in trying to practice anymore, not with these four running about. It’s only been three days but he’s already a bit tired of being home and is definitely ready to go back to his dorm or anywhere with peace and quiet, really. Normally he’d be joining in with the yelling and the happiness, but his audition is the day after class begins again and he can’t afford to fuck it up, not with only one year left at uni. He needs to practice.

_my house is absolute chaos._

Harry is still working, overtime apparently and much too much for someone so young if you ask Louis. Then again, nobody asked him his thoughts on making an eighteen year old work the day before Christmas Eve, but if they did he would be very passionate on the matter.

**I** **’m just finishing up dinner now, finished work a few hours ago. hey tomorrows your birthday.**

_that it is._ Louis makes a face at his phone. He doesn’t have much planned for his birthday, he’ll probably just end up going out with Liam for the night and try to forget he’s one year older. He was supposed to be young forever, twenty-one was not in the plan.

Harry texts back and Louis raises an eyebrow at the message. **I have a surprise for you.**

_and what might that be? this sounds like the beginning of a very cliche porno babe_

“Lou, who’re you talking to?” One of the twins calls out. He looks up to see its Phoebe, sneaking a glance down at his phone. “What’s a por-”

“Phoebe, what have I told you about eavesdropping?” Louis interrupts her quickly before her delicate little mind can be tarnished.

She looks up, her face the picture of innocence as usual, and smiles. “I just think you’re interesting.” And great, now he feels like shit for scolding her even if she is the wrong one here, not him.

“I promise, I’m not.” He laughs, reaching forward to ruffle her hair, which she recently cut short to distance herself a bit from her twin.

Lottie sighs dreamily from where she’s laying in front of the television, watching the credits roll on whatever talk show she was watching. “I can’t wait for February.”

“You’re so lucky,” Fizzy says, jealousy obvious in her tone.

Louis laughs at both his sisters and returns to texting Harry. “You can have my ticket if you want, Fiz, trust me I don’t wanna go.”

“You don’t think he’s cute?” Lottie asks, eyebrows furrowed. “I know your type, Lou.”

The girls all laugh when Louis pretends to be incredibly appalled at what their sister has just said. “First of all, I don’t have a _type_ , and second of all Charlotte, even if I did that’s really none of your business, now is it?”

She just shrugs and turns back to the tv. “Whatever Lou, I know you drool over his tattoos when you think no one’s looking.” She says nonchalantly.

“I don’t even like tattoos.” He says stupidly. The twins both laugh and latch onto his arms, poking and prodding the tattoos scattered across his skin.

His phone buzzes again and he gently pushes the girls away just on the off chance Harry actually texted something pornographic or embarrassing. **I wrote something for you.**

Louis jolts upwards when he reads the new message. Shit, he thinks, shit shit shit, because Harry _wrote_ something and he has nothing for him in return. He wonders what exactly that something is, maybe it’s a love poem. Oh god, what if Harry wrote him a love poem? What’s he supposed to say to that? He’s so caught up worrying he doesn’t realize that Harry’s sent him another message.

**can I have your email?**

Louis shoots him his email along with, _what is it?_

**A surprise dont open it until I call you tonight promise?**

_Promise._ Even though his phone dings with a new email from a hharry94 he manages to keep himself in control. Louis is not a patient person, not at all, but he’ll try for Harry.

He somehow manages to make it through dinner without killing anyone under the age of fifteen, and even manages to get some practice in before his phone is ringing. All the girls are sleeping and he’s singing quietly so as not to wake them up, and trying to memorize the scene he’ll have to act out. All of that is dropped for Harry.

“I want my surprise.” He answers.

Harry laughs, the most beautiful sound Louis thinks with a smile. “You have to wait until midnight, it’s not your birthday yet.”

Louis spins around to look at the time his open computer, which has been open on his email for an hour or two now. Twenty minutes. “I can’t wait twenty minutes, I’ve been waiting hours, H.”

“You’ll be fine,” Harry promises. “Now, tell me what you’re doing for your birthday.”

“Nothing,” Louis sighs. “Mum’s made a cake, Liam’s getting me drunk, I might get a new computer to replace this one.”

Harry makes a noise. “What’s wrong with yours?”

Louis laughs and pokes at said computer. “Um, well besides the fact that most of the keys take a hammer to work and it likes to shut down on me for no reason, its fine. I’ve had it almost four years now it’s sort of my baby but I think maybe it’s time to let her go.”

“You could’ve told me. I would’ve bought you a new one for your birthday.”

That startles Louis a bit. “Babe, no I don’t want you to buy me things.” He finally manages to stutter out.

“But you need it-”

“Harry,” he says softly. “Seriously, I don’t want that from you. I’d much rather have something you made me rather than something you bought me. Keep your money, you’re just a kid you’ll need it someday.”

He makes another noise, sounding a bit like a laugh really, but agrees. “Sorry Lou, I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” he says with a smile. “I don’t need things to make me happy, just you and maybe a drink or two.”

This time, Harry really does laugh. Louis sits down on his bed and stares at his email again. Ten more minutes until he’s twenty-one, more importantly ten more minutes until he gets to see what Harry’s written for him. “So, how’s your visit home been then?” He asks, trying to pass time.

Harry goes on about seeing his friend Niall tomorrow, and about how Zayn, who dropped by London and drove up to Harry’s with him to spend a few days, refused to shutup about Liam the whole night. His sister is there apparently too, doing sisterly things like nagging. Louis can fully appreciate that.

“Two minutes.” Louis announces, laying on his back.

Harry chuckles. “You’re so impatient, babe.”

His heart does a strange little flutter when Harry calls him babe, but he ignores it in favor of counting seconds. When he starts doing it out loud, Harry laughs so hard that by the time the clock strikes midnight he sounds as though he can hardly breathe.

“Happy birthday, Lou.” He giggles into the phone, fucking _giggles_ , all adorable and stuff. It really just isn’t fair, Louis thinks mournfully.

“Thanks, can I open it now?”

“’Course you can. Go on.” There’s some shuffling on the other line and usually Louis would wonder what it is but he’s too busy opening the blank email and the attached photo.

He rolls his eyes. “I swear to god Harry, if this is a picture of your dick-” He stops short when he sees the ink on the screen. It’s not a picture of Harry, or any of his extremities thank god, it’s a scanned picture of a notebook page. Messy yet legible handwriting is scrawled across it, crossed out and scribbled in some places, with little doodles along the sides. It’s almost like a poem, something about not letting go.

There’s the sound of a guitar plucking on the other line and it hits him.

“Harry,” Louis breathes, eyes prickling. “Harry, did you write me a song?”

The guitar starts again but this time louder and more sure. “I might’ve,” Harry says, the smile evident in his voice. “Would you sing it for me, babe?”

Louis stares at the words and then shakes his head. “I can’t Harry, no it’s your song.”

“It’s your song, I wrote it for you,” he corrects. “Besides, no one wants to hear me sing.”

Again, Louis shakes his head even though Harry can’t see. “I don’t even know how it goes.”

“I’ll play, you sing,” Harry doesn’t wait for another no from Louis just starts playing. It starts off soft and slow and then Harry is humming. “Now.”

Louis sings along quietly until he gets the rhythm of it. By the time it’s over he’s a bit choked up, if he’s honest. Harry is singing as well, granted much quieter than Louis is but still it’s something. “Oh,” Louis finishes quietly. “Harry, that’s really beautiful.”

The guitar fades out slowly, and Harry sighs. “Not as beautiful as your voice.”

Louis flushes bright red and for once, he’s glad they’re only talking over the phone. “This is the best present anyone’s ever gotten me,” he admits. “I love it Harry, thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome Louis.”

“I wish you’d sing for me,” he blurts out. “I heard you Hazza, you’re amazing. Please?”

The other line is quiet and Louis is almost sure he’s offended the other boy somehow. Then the guitar is starting again, softer this time. “If you promise to try and get some sleep, I promise to sing you your song.”

And since Louis’s already halfway there, all that’s left to do is turn off the lights, and because the way he says _your song_ makes him smile, he agrees. Harry waits until Louis promises he’s laying down with his eyes closed to begin playing in earnest. Instead of singing, he hums along carefully. It does make Louis sleepy, as much as he hates to admit it. Before he can go completely out of it, he speaks up.

“I love you, Harry,” he says quietly. “You’re one of my best friends.”

A note goes off that doesn’t belong and it’s obvious Harry’s fumbling around with his guitar. “I love you too Lou, you know that.”

“I don’t have very many friends,” Louis murmurs sleepily. “Just Zayn and Liam and El, and they’re kind of obligated to be y’know? Everyone else just fucks and leaves, and I get it. I understand why they leave, why they cheat on me, because I’m sort of ugly and I have a shitty annoying personality when you get down to it, but it still kinda hurts. But you, you’re a good friend Harry and you’re not obligated to like me just because we’ve known each other since we were in nappies, or because you’re my roommate, or because we have a million and one classes together. You’re just a friend.”

Harry takes a shaky breath. “Oh, Lou,” he whispers. “Babe, none of that is true. First of all, you are beautiful, every part of you and I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. You’re my beautiful Louis, and I’ll fight you for the rest of forever trying to prove that to you, got it?”

Louis giggles and nods, because his boy is silly. “Okay, I got it.”

When Harry speaks again, he sounds less frustrated and happier, the guitar playing is back. “Liam loves you no matter what, you’ll always be his brother. Zayn and Eleanor love you too, no one is around because they feel obligated to be babe. They’re around because you’re an amazing person and they want you in their lives. Why do you think I like you so much?”

“Mm, could be delusional.” Louis murmurs.

Harry chuckles. “Go to sleep babe,” and then suddenly he’s singing. “ _Don_ _’t let me, don’t let me go, ‘cause I’m tired of sleeping alone._ ”

Louis drifts off happier than he’s been in months.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used Don't Let Me Go as Louis' song, I was going to use Happily but the lyrics didn't seem to fit well for their situation. I don't know. I'm picky.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's late but you know, finals and Christmas and all that, but, here is chapter 9 it's a bit short oh well. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Louis:_

Louis shifts from foot to foot nervously, sweating under the hot stage lights and waiting for his professor to say something, anything really. He finished singing exactly seventy two seconds ago and the man’s yet the say anything, the only sound coming from his pencil scratching across the paper he’s been writing on since the beginning of Louis’ audition.

Finally, _finally_ , Professor Brown looks up. He frowns, as if he’s surprised to see his student is still here, and waves his hand in dismissal. “You can go, Louis, thank you.” He says, and Louis’ heart sinks.

Louis nods once and turns to leave, brushing past the line of people outside the back entrance and heading straight for his dorm. He’s supposed to be meeting with Eleanor to get coffee and talk about their auditions, but now all he really wants to do is crawl into bed and have a nice cry.

When he comes crashing into his room, hands shaking and tears welling up in his eyes, he’s met with the sight of Liam and Zayn on Zayn’s bed kissing. It’s not an unfamiliar sight unfortunately, not that they’ve worked everything out the two are practically inseparable, but it isn’t what Louis wants to see right now. Letting out a choked sound, he kicks his shoes off in their direction and dives beneath his covers.

“Go be in love somewhere else!” He yells.

“Lou?” Liam calls softly, followed soon after by his footsteps coming across the room and a hand on Louis’ shoulder from outside the blanket. “Lou, what happened?”

“I fucked up,” Louis mumbles, sniffling. “I’ll never amount to anything.”

Liam gently pulls the blanket down so they can see each other. It’s useless though, because as soon as he does it Louis crosses his arms and turns to face the wall, concentrating on all the flecks in the paint. He doesn’t want to talk about it yet, he wants to disappear forever and then maybe have some macaroni and cheese and then possibly an entire container of strawberry ice cream. With that in mind, he jumps up and pushes Liam away.

Zayn is watching from the bed, dark eyes following the other boy as he slips his shoes back on and grabs for some cash and his keys. He calls Louis’ name this time, but Louis is already out the door.

Sniffling-because of the cold of course, not because he’s crying like a complete idiot-Louis reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. It takes him only a moment to decide who to call. Soon enough, Harry is answering with his familiar excited tone.

“Hey, babe.”

Louis sniffles again. “I fucked up.”

Harry is quiet for a moment, and then he’s speaking again but it’s muffled and obviously not meant for Louis. “Just give me five minutes, it’s important,” he pleads. “Hold on Lou.”

While Harry stays silent for a little while, Louis continues on his way out of campus and towards the nearest store. All he wants right now is strawberry ice cream, enough to drown himself in preferably. Finally, he can hear the slam of a door on the other end of the phone and Harry is back.

“What happened? Was it your audition?”

Fresh tears well up in Louis’ eyes and he wipes at them angrily. Of course Harry would know exactly what’s wrong, because that’s just the type of person he is. “I screwed up so bad,” he mumbles, trying not to let his tears come through in his voice. “H, really I must’ve.”

Harry makes a soft noise in the back of his throat. “What do you mean you must’ve?” He asks.

Louis sighs and shrugs to himself. “I thought I did alright, I mean it wasn’t perfect by any means, but at least I thought it was okay. And then at the end my professor he didn’t…he didn’t say _anything_ , he was just ignoring me and writing and when he finally noticed I was there all he said was leave.”

Repeating it all doesn’t make it sound as horrible as it really was, Louis thinks. He didn’t tell Harry how nervous he was because god, the only thing he wants is this lead. He doesn’t say anything about how he stayed up all night last night practicing and rehearsing every line and even watching the damn movie, just so he’d be fully prepared. Louis doesn’t even mention the fact that if he doesn’t at least get a supporting role in this show, he might as well throw the past few years of school out the window. No one wants an actor with no actual experience.

When Harry answers, Louis’s made it to the small convenience store. Salvation in the form of an ice cream aisle. “Babe, that doesn’t sound like he hated you-”

“But you didn’t see his face!” Louis shouts. A woman near the entrance of the store backs away from him, letting him go in first. Great, now people think he’s crazy. Maybe he is. “He looked like he hated it. The entire audition he didn’t even look up. Not even once, Harry.”

Harry sighs. “Lou, I’m sorry. You know how amazing you are though. Maybe he’s just already made up his mind about what part he wants for you?” The hopefulness is his voice is endearing and annoying at the same time.

“Or maybe he’s decided he hates me.” Louis murmurs snidely.

The ice cream aisle in this store is seriously lacking. After some looking though, he manages to find some half-decent strawberry ice cream. He grabs it from the freezer and hurries to the self-checkout, not really in the mood to deal with people who aren’t Harry right now.

“He cannot possibly hate you,” Harry says, voice still soft and careful. “No one could ever.”

Louis is quiet, and not just because he has to balance his phone and pay for his ice cream at the same time, but because he has no clue what to say to that. He sure people hate him. Most of his ex’s probably do, some of the people he’s fucked over for parts absolutely do, and a lot of his professors absolutely do. There is just nothing much to like about him, Louis thinks, or at least he can’t think of anything. Maybe if there was he wouldn’t have to end every relationship with being cheated on.

“Where are you?” Harry asks, breaking the silence.

Louis grabs his plastic bag containing his treat and swings it by his side on the way out, winking at the woman who he scared earlier. “I just brought myself some ice cream to drown my sorrows in,” he says, easily. “Where are you? I thought I heard somebody else.”

“Promise not to laugh?” Harry asks, and then without waiting for an answer says, “I’m at work, hiding in a closet.”

Louis barks out a laugh and slaps a hand over his mouth to stifle it immediately. “Sorry,” he chuckles. “It’s just…why?”

“Because I’m supposed to be working,” Harry whines. “And I’d rather talk to you.”

The words make Louis smile. “Go back to work babe. You can talk to me later on.”

As if on cue, there’s a loud pounding on Harry’s side of the phone and somebody’s shouting. “Harry, I know you’re in there!”

“Just a second!” Harry shouts back. “I love you Lou, I’ll text you when I’m finished okay?”

Louis laughs again, this time keeping the smile on his face. “Love you too idiot, go on.” He can just tell Harry’s grinning when he hangs up because he’s doing the same. It’s almost disgusting how happy Harry can make him in a matter of minutes. After texting Eleanor an apology for skipping out on her, he makes his way back to his room with the ice cream in hand and a smile still stuck on his face.

Luckily when he enters this time, Liam and Zayn aren’t kissing. Instead, they seem to be waiting patiently for him. Louis says nothing to either of them, just tosses his ice cream down on his bed and grabs one of Liam’s spoons. They both wait until he’s three spoonfuls into the ice cream to say anything, which is considerate at least.

“Do you feel any better?” Liam asks carefully.

Louis shrugs. “I talked to Harry.”

“So, yes?” Zayn says.

Louis shrugs again and continues eating his ice cream, each spoonful making him feel just the smallest bit better. Strawberry ice cream is right up there with macaroni and cheese for the world’s greatest comfort foods, if you ask Louis. Harry is also very comforting, he thinks to himself with a small smile, more comforting than macaroni and cheese, even. Harry is the kind of person you want around to eat ice cream with you when you’re sad.

He must be smiling quite big now because Zayn and Liam share a worried look, like he’s insane. “Louis, are you sure you’re okay?” Liam asks.

“Professor Brown didn’t even look at me once while I auditioned today, like he honestly could not have cared less,” he says. “Harry hid in a closet at work just to talk to me about it.”

Zayn eyebrows shoot up. “He hid in a _closet_?”

Louis nods sagely. “It happens more often than you’d think.”

Both Liam and Zayn continue to stare at him while he smiles at nothing. It’s a side effect of talking to Harry, he’s sure no one goes away from a conversation with that boy frowning. Sighing, he offers his ice cream up to the other boys and they take it with no questions asked. Just like that, the matter is dropped.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

“Harry! Open the damn door, we don’t have time to play games.” Paul sounds more than a little pissed off, so Harry quickly puts his phone away and opens the janitor closet’s door. Paul’s face is red and he looks very tired of Harry when the boy looks at him. “Harry.” He sighs.

Harry holds his hands up in defeat. “You found me,” he says playfully. “You win. Come on, we can’t be late.”

Paul shoots him an unimpressed look for that comment but leads him away from the closet and down the hall to the room where the signing was supposed to begin five minutes ago. There’s a skip in Harry’s step from the residual happiness that comes with talking to Louis. Paul doesn’t comment on it, but he does give Harry a strange look when he goes to sit down in front of the hundreds of screaming girl lined up.

The promotion for his new album has not slowed or stopped, despite his mother’s many threats. That’s why he’s now here, signing his own face and taking pictures and giving hugs to some of the girls who are brave enough to ask and ignore his bodyguard’s protesting. He feels invigorated this morning, probably a side effect of not eating in almost an entire week and chugging a coffee just under an hour ago. He’s only just gotten home from his mother’s who fed him more than he’s ever eaten in his life. The fact that no one noticed or mentioned his frequent “showers” was a bit surprising to him, but a good surprise nonetheless.

The last few girls come through, all jittery with excitement and it’s still a bit odd to Harry that anyone would be so excited just to meet him. In no time, he’s being herded out to the car and they’re off to the next appointment of the day. He’s been looking forward to this part of the day since he got the call over his Christmas break at home. There’s a loophole in the contract, something about the two parties agreeing to terminate the relationship early and a whole bunch of things Harry doesn’t quite understand, but it basically means today he gets to sign something that’ll get him out of his relationship with Allison.

Whether or not he’ll get to come out afterwards hasn’t been mentioned yet, but he hopes he’ll be able to. He has a plan, after all.

“Don’t let her push you around, kid,” Paul mutters before he drops Harry off at the office door. “Kara, I mean. She’s full of shit most of the time.”

Harry just smiles and shrugs. “Today, she’s my absolute favorite person.”

When he enters the spacious office, Allison is already sitting in one of the two chairs in front of Kara’s desk, texting. Kara is nowhere to be seen so Harry bounces over to Allison, grinning mischievously.

“I’m going to tell Louis who I am.” He announces.

Allison almost drops her phone. “ _What_?” She asks, her voice high.

“You heard me,” he says, still grinning. “After all this is over, after we’ve officially ‘broken up’ and whatever, I’m going to tell him who I am.”

Allison turns her phone off, but not before Harry sees she’s been texting Niall. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and she hits him. “Shutup, Harry, we’re just friends,” she says, but she’s blushing so Harry doesn’t really believe that. “Now, back to you and Louis. Do you trust him?”

Harry frowns. “Of course I do.”

“He could sell your story in a second, Harry,” Allison warns. “And if he did that Niall and I would have to kill him. I don’t want blood on my hands.”

Harry rolls his eyes and drops down into the other chair. “I trust him, Zayn does too. He never would’ve given Louis my number if he didn’t.”

Allison looks skeptical, but nods. “Alright well, if you trust him. You still have a few weeks to think it over anyway.”

At that moment, Kara comes sweeping in, eying the two of them carefully and holding a stack of papers. She slams them down on the table and hands one packet to each of them. Both Harry and Allison have had lawyers look them over already, all they need to do is sign, but Harry still looks it over. February 3rd and he’s out. One month from now and he’s officially single again.

“I’m sure you’re both very pleased with yourselves,” Kara snaps. “Now if we could just sign and get out of here, that’d be lovely.”

Allison smiles at Harry and reaches for the pen first, signing off on it easily and handing it over to Harry. He signs as well and Allison sighs happily. “Let’s celebrate, then. Come on Haz.”

Kara is still glaring at them as they walk out the door, eyes following them coldly. Once the two are out the door, they both start laughing. It’s ridiculous, all of it. The fact that they’re even in a relationship to begin with is ridiculous, the fact that they had to sign a contract just to end it is worse.

They’re walking out the door hand in hand when Harry’s phone buzzes. He pulls it from his pocket, expecting it to be Louis but still smiling when he sees it’s Nick. **_Come over to mine we’ll celebrate, bring whats her name._**

He had texted his older friend the news early this morning but it’s like Nick to put off answering for a few hours. Harry looks up at Allison and sees she’s been peeking down at his phone as well. “Well?” He asks.

Allison sighs. “Fine, we can go to a party,” she decides. “But Niall has to come too.

Harry raises his eyebrow and nods his head towards the frozen yogurt shop on the corner. Flanked by Allison’s security, they practically shut the place down just to gossip together in the front window.

“You really like him.” Harry says, licking his spoon.

Allison rolls her eyes, blushing again. It’s sort of adorable. “Yeah, I guess I  kind of do,” she mumbles. “Half my new album is about his eyes.”

Harry laughs so hard he snorts and Allison flips a spoonful of her mango frozen yogurt at his face, just barely missing him. “He likes you too,” he says through his chuckles. “He talks about you all the time now that he’s pulled his head out of his ass.”

At that, Allison wrinkles her nose. “He keeps talking about how I’m too good for him because I’ve won a Grammy. Is that an actual thing, do you think?”

“Well I wouldn’t know, seeing as how I’ve never won a Grammy,” Harry laughs and Allison sticks her tongue out at him. “But no, I don’t think so. I think you just intimidate him a bit. It’s Niall, Aly, you have to account for him being a little bit of an idiot at all times.”

The two of them finish their frozen yogurt together and wait at their table until Niall pulls up in his dingy little car to take them to Nick’s. He hadn’t wanted to go to the party at first, saying something about not wanting to take care of Harry when he’s drunk, but as soon as he found out Allison would be tagging along he was all for it.

“This is the same guy who had the party where that girl kissed you.” Allison points out once they’ve driven away from the shop.

Niall nods along with her. “I never liked him.”

Allison grins at that, and thanks him. Meanwhile, Harry just frowns to himself because they’re both being mean and he doesn’t like it. He keeps his mouth shut though, and lets Niall drive, sitting in the backseat like a child while Allison talks his best friend’s ear off.

When they make it to the party there are already a few people milling about with drinks in hand. They obviously don’t know why they’re here but they all greet Harry and his friends warmly anyway. Harry leaves Allison and Niall to get drinks while he searches for Nick in the crowd.

He finds the older man in the kitchen, mixing up something that looks lethal and that Harry has absolutely no interest in drinking. When he catches sight of Harry he grins and leaves the mixing to a friend.

“Harry!” Nick shouts, pulling the younger boy in for a hug. “Congrats, you’re almost a free man.”

Harry laughs and shrugs. “It wasn’t that bad,” he admits. “But it’ll be better to tell Louis when I’m not pretending to date somebody else.”

At that, Nick’s eyebrows raise. He hums under his breath and looks away. “So this Louis is still around, then?”

“Very much so.” Harry says with a nod.

Nick just hums again and thrusts a drink into the boy’s hand. “Well, let’s celebrate then!”

The rest of the night is mostly a blur to Harry. He can remember shouting the words to one of Allison’s songs while hopping up and down with the rest of the crowd, he remembers doing shots of something, and he remembers being thrown into the backseat of a car along with a drunken Allison while Niall drove.

“Sleepover,” Allison crows, leaning forward and ruffle Niall’s hair from behind the seat. “Sleepover at H’s house!”

Harry waves his hands around wildly. “Ni, Ni please come on,” he yells, and then looks to Allison before they both start to chant, “Sleepover, sleepover, sleepover, sleep-”

“Okay!” Niall yells, interrupting them both before they can start screaming. “Fine, fuckin’ hell. Sleepover.”

Allison and Harry drunkenly celebrate their win by screaming as loud as possible anyway and throwing their arms up in the air. In a blink of an eye they’re back at Harry’s house and Niall is trying to coax them to go to sleep.

“I wanna talk to Louis,” Harry whines. “Gimme my phone, Ni, wanna talk to Lou!”

Niall, who confiscated Harry’s phone when he caught the boy drunkenly texting Louis earlier at the party, shakes his head and shoves Harry back onto the couch.

Allison is staring at the wall blankly and Harry almost thinks she’s asleep, before she belts out a lyric from one of her songs and giggles. “I wrote that about you Niall,” she says, dragging out each syllable. “I write everything about you!”

To his credit, Niall manages to recover from that pretty quickly. He disappears, which causes Allison to whimper sadly, but returns shortly with pillows and blankets. Not looking either of them in the eye, Niall sets up a bed on each couch and steps away.

“Go to sleep idiots.” He growls.

Harry salutes him and giggles. “Yessir. Goodnight Nialler.”

“Goodnight Nialler!” Allison repeats, snuggling into her couch and falling asleep almost instantly. Niall rolls his eyes at both of them and points to Harry, waiting until he lays down to walk off to Harry’s room.

Harry cuddles his blanket and smile drunkenly. He thinks of his pretty Louis before he goes to sleep, like always, and how soon there won’t be anything to stop them.


	11. Chapter 10

_Louis:_

**i loev u mREthn anything**

**i witeab ut u**

**love u lou**

Louis giggles at his text messages from Harry from last night, showing them off to Zayn who apparently received a few of his own. According to him, when Harry gets drunk he gets even more sappy and in love than usual. It’s enough to cheer Louis up though, because in a few minutes he has to head down and see if he’s even gotten a part at all. Eleanor’s going with him and when she said Professor Brown didn’t act like that at her audition, he became sure he’ll be overlooked.

“He’s such a child,” Zayn rolls his eyes, pocketing his phone. “He gets drunk so easily.”

“I love it.” Louis decides.

Zayn pushes Louis away and goes to his dresser to find a shirt. “You love everything about him.” He points out.

And it’s true, so Louis just shrugs and falls back on his bed. Zayn finishes getting dressed and yells, “Good luck!” to Louis on his way out the door. Louis waves halfheartedly and closes his eyes, relaxing against his sheets and trying not to freak out too badly. So what if he doesn’t get a part? At least he tried, right, and if his best wasn’t good enough then maybe he’ll just try again next year. Or never again.

“I brought donuts!” Eleanor yells through the door instead of knocking. Louis sighs and pulls himself up off the bed. It’s now or never.

With a jelly donut in hand, he and Eleanor make their way from their dorm to the main auditorium where the list will be posted. They’re some of the first few people there but there’s still a small crowd gathered. Louis continues chewing on his donut, making faces at anyone who looks over at him with grins on their faces. They’re probably just excited about their rolls, he thinks bitterly.

It isn’t until a girl Louis vaguely knows from one of his classes last semester comes up to him that he notices something strange is going on. “Congratulations Louis,” she giggles, running a hand through her hair. “Looks like we’ll be spending a lot of time together, huh?”

Louis raises an eyebrow and polishes off his donut. “Um, yeah?”

“Lou!” Eleanor yells from where she’s made it to the list, finally. “Lou, come here!”

He nods to the girl, Jessie is her name he thinks, and makes his way to the front of the crowd. He looks over the list, smiling when he sees Eleanor got the part of the teenage girl, Kim. When he goes to congratulate her, he catches sight of his own name. Thinking it must be a mistake, he pushes closer and just about chokes on nothing. There, next to the name _Albert Peterson_ is _Louis Tomlinson_. That’s his name.

That’s his name next to the name of the lead with no asterisks or jokes or anything.

“Oh my god,” he murmurs. “Oh my god, El, tell me you see that too.”

Eleanor nods a few times, grinning widely. “Babe, I _told_ you! I told you, you were fantastic.”

“Holy shit,” Louis whispers, and then he backs away with a smile. “Holy shit!”

“Surprised?”

Louis looks up and grins when he sees the voice is coming from Professor Brown. He quickly pulls himself away from the crowd of people to confront his teacher. “You didn’t even look at me once!” Louis accuses.

The teacher laughs loudly, and shrugs. “I already had you in mind for the part, I hardly needed more than a few seconds of conformation.” He explains, smirking at his own little joke.

Louis frowns at him. “You scared me.”

“Oh come now, Louis,” Professor Brown chuckles. “Surely you have more faith in yourself than that?”

And the thing is no, he doesn’t, but that doesn’t stop Louis from laughing along with the man. It feels as though a monstrous weight has been lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe for the first time since yesterday afternoon. He isn’t a complete failure after all, maybe he can do something with his life.

Eleanor and Louis make their way away from the crowd slowly, each talking about their new parts. When they make it back to their dorm and separate, Louis grabs his phone. “I’m gonna call Harry.” He explains.

Eleanor grins. “I’ll see you later, babe.”

They go their separate ways and by the time Louis enters his empty dorm room, somebody is answering the phone.

“Mm, hello?” Louis frowns when he realizes it’s an unfamiliar person speaking, a girl in fact.

“Um, is Harry there?” He asks carefully.

There’s some background noises and grumbling and the girl is speaking again. “No, he’s sleeping can I take a message?”

Louis frowns. “Who is this?”

“His girlfriend.”

He freezes, his heart feeling like it’s about to stop beating. “What?” He asks, voice hoarse.

“Yeah, who’s this?” She asks, laughing.

Louis doesn’t want to believe it, he doesn’t believe it until he hears more rustling and then there’s the unmistakable sound of Harry’s voice. “Babe who is it?”

He hangs up.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

Allison looks at Harry from the other couch, his phone in hand, and shrugs. “I didn’t check who it was, but they hung up. Here,” she tosses the phone back to him and gets up. “Wanna get breakfast delivered?”

“Yeah, just make sure to get enough for Ni.” Harry calls back. Allison nods and walks out into the kitchen to find a menu. Harry sits up, his back cracking from spending all night on the couch, and grins when he sees Lily prowling over to him. The cat jumps in his lap and nuzzles at his face with her head.

“Good morning,” he coos to her, kissing the cat between her ears. “D’you want breakfast, sweetheart? Are you hungry?” Lily meows loudly and Harry promptly picks her up and carries her into the kitchen.

Allison rolls her eyes at them. “You know, I bet if you pretended I was Lily while we went out, people might actually believe you’re in love me,” she laughs, and then pauses before continuing. “Then again, what kind of straight man talks to his cat like that? You know this is probably an early symptom of insanity or something.”

Harry scowls at her and turns back to Lily who is sitting patiently on the kitchen counter. “Don’t listen to Auntie Allison, Lily, she’s a dirty little liar.”

Allison rolls her eyes and hip checks Harry on her way to grab her phone off the couch. Harry goes about filling Lily’s bowls with food and water until his own phone buzzes across the counter. He looks up and grins when he sees Louis’ name.

“Lily, its Louis look see?” He’s gonna be proud that I’m up before noon.” Lily gives him a blank stare and hops down from the counter to start lapping at her water, obviously not concerned. Harry ignores her and opens the message, his smile falling when he sees it doesn’t start with the usual good morning.

_Harry I know we weren't like...in a relationship or whatever and maybe this is stupid of me, but I really wish you would have told me about your girlfriend before I made a complete fool of myself thinking I had a chance with you. Don't bother texting me back, it's probably better you don't. I don't regret becoming your friend though, you're such a sweet guy and I sincerely hope you and your girlfriend are happy, you deserve it -Louis_

“Ooh is it lover boy-babe, what’s wrong?” Allison changes her tune as soon as she sees Harry frowning down at his phone and frantically scrolling through their messages, looking for anything he could’ve said to do this. That’s when he sees the call from earlier. It was from Louis.

He whips around, looking at Allison and praying he’s wrong. “Aly, what did you say on the phone?”

She thinks it over for a moment, looking confused. “I just asked if they wanted to leave a message. They asked who I was I said your girlfriend, I hadn’t checked to see who it was. What’s going on?”

Harry almost drops his phone. “Oh god, Allison that was _Louis_! He just texted me, he thinks you were telling the truth. He thinks I’ve been lying to him this whole time.”

Allison’s eyes go wide and she gasps. “Oh my god H, oh my god-call him! Quick, call him back.”

Harry nods because that is the reasonable thing to do at this point, but when he calls Louis’ number he goes straight to voicemail. He tries Zayn then, and it rings but there’s still nothing. It’s about then he realizes it’s a Monday and Zayn will be in class for the rest of the day.

“He isn’t answering, neither is Zayn,” Harry breathes out slowly, closing his eyes and trying to calm down. Louis thinks he’s just like everyone else now, just like the other boys who cheated on him and treated him like dirt. How can he change that? “What can I do?” He moans.

Allison thinks for a moment, petting Lily with one hand who has jumped back up on the counter to see what all the fuss is about. She’s watching the two of them brainstorm with an unimpressed face, as if waiting for them to get to the obvious answer. Allison does.

“Go get him!” She exclaims. “Oh god, Haz it’d be so romantic. Drive to his school and go meet him, explain what was going on. You have to go get him, you have to tell him.”

Harry frowns, and when he speaks he stutters nervously. “But he-he might hate me, for lying anyway. Aly, I can’t just take off-”

“Yes you can!” she yells back. “You can because you’re in love with him I can see it, and you’re going to go get him. Niall and I will watch over things here, we’ll take care of Lily and make sure no one goes looking for you.”

“What are we doing?”

Both of them look up and Allison lets out a quiet yelp when she sees a shirtless Niall walking into the kitchen. He scratches at his hair and narrows his eyes at both of them. “Why do I feel like something’s going on?”

“Because something is going on,” Allison says, apparently having recovered from seeing her crush half naked. “True love is going on!”

Niall hums a bit and opens up the fridge. “True love can wait until after breakfast.” He mumbles.

Allison’s eyes widen and she stalks up to him, slamming the fridge shut and backing Niall into a corner. “True love doesn’t wait,” she growls at him. “This is Harry’s only chance to talk to Louis. He’s finally found somebody worth loving and he’s not going to wait just because all _you_ can ever think about is your stomach!”

Niall’s eyes are the size of dinner platters. He slowly raises his hands in surrender and takes a step back straight into the wall. “Alright, okay. Tell me what’s going on.” He seems suddenly much more awake but Harry can tell by the look on his face that he found that incredibly attractive.

Once Niall’s been filled in on the whole situation, he agrees to stay at Harry’s with Allison and encourages Harry to chase after Louis. Allison crosses her arms and grins smugly and waits for the two boys to go back to Harry’s room to get dressed and ready to leave.

“That was so hot.” Niall murmurs, still in awe of what just happened to him.

Harry rolls his eyes and starts packing a backpack full of clothes, just in case, and finding something to wear for right now. “We have bigger problems than your dick right now.” He says.

Niall laughs and silently helps Harry get ready to leave. The group decides it’d be best for Harry to use Niall’s car because it’s less conspicuous than his “huge fuckin’ monster of a car” according to Niall, and the last thing he wants to do is get caught today. Once he’s got the keys and his bag, and after he’s tried calling Louis five more times to no response, Harry decides to leave.

“I’ll be back by tomorrow,” he promises, though he doesn’t actually know if he will be. “By my appearance tomorrow, I swear. Tell anyone who comes looking for me I promised.”

Allison rolls her eyes and shoves him out the door. “Go get your boy.” She says fondly. Harry grins and nods, rushing down the hall and to the elevator.

The drive North to Louis’ school takes two and a half hours exactly, mostly because Harry went well over the legal speed limit. Getting pulled over would’ve been worth it anyway. He spends the two and a half hours thinking of what he’s going to say when he sees Louis.

Harry knows almost everyone Louis’s dated in the past few years has cheated on him in some way, which only makes all of this worse. To Louis right now, Harry is just as bad as all those boys were to him. The fact that Louis has it in his mind that everyone he’s ever met hates him for some reason really doesn’t help.

The last thing Harry would ever want to do is hurt Louis, but that’s what he’s done. Not that it’s entirely his fault, but if he hadn’t been lying to Louis for so long then they wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

When Harry pulls into the student parking lot he realizes he isn’t entirely sure what he’s supposed to be doing. Because of the fact he has no clue where he’s going beyond this point, he pulls his phone out and calls Zayn once again.

“Hey Haz, did Louis tell you?”

Harry shakes his head. “Zayn, I’m here.”

There’s silence on the other end and then Zayn’s laughing. “You’re what?”

“I’m serious! I’m here on campus, I don’t know which dorm is yours so come and find me.”

Zayn is silent again, and then he’s swearing. “Fuck, Harry what are you doing?”

“I’ll explain later, just tell me where to go.”

Reluctantly, Zayn talks Harry from the student parking lot up to their door. Their room is easy to find because the door is ajar. Harry hangs up on Zayn and slowly pushes the door open, holding his breath and expecting to see Louis there.

But Louis isn’t there, in fact no one is. Harry’s met with an empty room with three equally empty beds and absolutely no sign of Louis. Stepping inside and shutting the door, he decides to take a look around. He spots Louis’ bed first, the only one of the three that’s unmade, with a few bowls of instant macaroni and cheese still in their wrappers and sitting on the dresser at the head of the bed. He walks over and smiles when he sees pictures of Louis and the other boys and a few more friends pinned up on the wall.

“Louis?” A knock at the door interrupts his snooping, and Harry spins towards the door in shock, unsure what to do. “Lou, babe it’s El, open up. I have ice cream and cookie dough.”

The door swings open suddenly and Harry is met with the sight of a short girl with wavy brown hair and arms full of ice cream. She raises an eyebrow at him.

“You’re not Louis.”

Harry nods nervously. “No, I’m not.”

Eleanor’s jaw suddenly drops in shock. “Hold on, are you-”

“Harry Styles?” He finished for her. “Yeah. I’m also Louis’ Harry, and I’m sort of looking for him right now.”

Eleanor seems to let this sink in for a moment, staring at him blankly, before gasping. “You asshole!” She shouts, throwing one of the tubs of ice cream at Harry’s face. He manages to catch it before it hits him, but she’s not done. Eleanor backs him up further into the room, punching his chest with her little fists angrily. “I can’t believe you did this to him! He really likes you, you fucking twat!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Harry yelps, trying to get away from her. “She’s not my girlfriend, I promise. Please stop hitting me.”

Eleanor does, but only to pull back and scowl at him, breathing heavily from hitting him so hard. Harry can definitely see why she and Louis are friends. “What the fuck do you mean she isn’t your girlfriend, I read the papers. I know all about you Harry Styles.”

“Please stop shouting my name,” Harry pleads, praying no one has heard her so far. If anyone has, they probably think she’s insane. “It’s all really complicated and it has to do with contracts and things, but I promise she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a friend, I wouldn’t ever do that to Louis, I swear I-”

“Harry.” He looks up and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Zayn.

“Zayn, please tell her Allison and I are just friends.”

Zayn shakes his head at the scene in front of him and walks into the room, tossing his bag onto his bed. “What are you doing here, where’ Louis?”

“He’s cheating on Louis!” Eleanor shouts, reaching over to punch Harry in the chest again in a hit that will surely bruise.

“I am not!” Harry defends, rubbing at his chest. “Christ, where did you learn to hit like that?”

Zayn groans and wipes a hand over his face. “Eleanor, this is Harry who is very, very homosexual. Harry this is Eleanor, she recently took a self-defense class.”

“I can tell. “Harry grumbles.

“What is-hold on,” Zayn pulls out his phone and smiles at it before answering. “Hey babe, what’s up?”

There’s shouting on the other line and Harry sinks down onto the nearest bed. Looking around, all he sees is Louis’s things and he wants to cry. How could he do this to somebody so sweet? Somebody so, well, _Louis_?

“No, Liam let me explain. Come back to the room. Yes, we’ll go get him but Harry is here…no! I’m not going to let you hurt him, christ Liam. Just get over here, we can explain.” Zayn hangs up and falls down onto his bed. “Harry, you’ve really fucking done it this time.”

Harry looks down at his fingers sadly. “I didn’t mean to, why was he calling so early?”

Zayn looks over at him, frowning. “He got the lead, he wanted to tell you as soon as he found out.”

Harry groans and drops his head down into his heads. “Oh god, poor Lou.” He moans. As if this could get any worse than it has already.

“Wait, so you’re gay?” Eleanor pipes up. When Harry looks up at her and nods, she laughs. “I fucking knew it.”

“Please, you can’t tell anyone,” he begs. “I’m already going to be in a shit load of trouble for running off, the last thing I need is for a paper to find out I’m gay, I’ll be sued for everything.”

Zayn gets up from where he’s sitting and comes to plop down beside his best friend, wrapping his arms around the other boy. “Haz, it’s alright yeah? Louis just went home, all we have to do is go get him and explain, and then-”

“And then _what_ Zayn?” Harry demands. He’s going to hate me for lying to him this whole time and why the fuck would he want to be with me anyway?”

“Harry. Stop that, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t want to be with you.”

“Eleanor reads the papers, ask her what they say about me.”

They both look over at the girl who’s now perched on Liam’s bed. She shrugs. “Well, they aren’t nice.” She says carefully.

“What’s the point.” Harry mumbles.

“The point is that everyone Louis has ever gotten close to over the past few years has cheated on him, and he’s at home crying because he thinks he’s a piece of shit. So you’re going to go to his house, explain _everything_ , and make sure he knows he’s not a piece of shit unworthy of love, got that?” Zayn says firmly.

Harry nods back, and not just because he has no other choice, but because he wants to help in anyway he can. It’s partially his fault this is so fucked up anyway, and if he can’t fix it he’s going to lose Louis. Louis, the only person that can make him truly happy anymore.

“How did you get out of promotion?” Zayn asks suddenly, eyebrows furrowing.

Harry shrugs. “I sort of didn’t tell anyone where I was going,” he says carefully. “I left Niall and Allison at my flat to take care of the cat and make sure no one goes looking for me. They’re probably doing horrible things on my kitchen counter by now.”

Eleanor snorts at that. “Wait, Zayn’s friend Niall and Allison Arthur? Are you serious?”

Wincing at the thought of the two of them left alone to their own devices, he nods. “Yeah, unfortunately.”

She looks about ready to launch into a stream of questions when the door opens. Standing in the doorway is a boy about Harry’s height with a build that he immediately notices would put him on a diet for weeks.

“I tried calling Louis, he said he’s going home for the week until rehearsals, we have to-oh my god,” he notices Harry sitting on the bed and frowns, eyebrows furrowing. “Zayn, what is Harry Styles doing sitting on Louis’ bed?”

Harry coughs a bit and pastes on his best smile. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” He says, praying that this person-who must be Liam, he decides, just going by how Zayn is staring at him-won’t take Eleanor’s approach and beat him up.

It’s about this time that it seems to click for Liam and he takes a step forward. Zayn jumps up and throws an arm in front of his boyfriend, stopping him from going any further. “No way Li, you don’t get to beat up Harry. His lawyers would sue the hell out of you.”

Liam ignores that and continues to glare at Harry. “Who the fuck do you think you are,” he snarls. “You think just because you’re famous, you get to fuck around with my best friend, is that it?”

Harry’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “No, I-no that’s not-”

“You bet it’s fucking not. Stand up, come over here.”

Nervously, Harry scoots further back on the bed instead. “I think I’d rather not.”

“Liam calm down, alright?” Zayn interrupts before anything can escalate. “She isn’t really Harry’s girlfriend, she’s just a beard.

“You knew this whole time?” Liam accuses.

Zayn winces at his tone and shrugs. “I…well, yeah but-”

“How could you do that to him?” Liam asks, honestly sounding curious. “You know him, Zayn. You know how Louis gets, how could you do that to him?”

Harry watches as Zayn seems to shut down completely at that. “I didn’t mean to, it was just-just a thing. Just for the two of them, they were both so lonely Li, and I just…babe, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“I asked him to keep lying,” Harry points out, shrinking away when Liam looks at him. “Over Christmas, he said it was going too far and I asked him to keep lying for me. It’s my fault, really.”

Liam bites his lip and turns back to Zayn. “Never lie to me again.”

“Never.” Zayn promises.

Liam nods at him and sighs, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “Louis is going to kill both of you, you know.”

“We know.” Zayn and Harry reply in unison.

They all decide the best thing to do in the situation is to let Louis have the rest of the day to calm down. It’s Liam’s plan actually, and they all trust him because he looks terrified at the idea of sending Harry out right now. He mumbles something about never being forgiven for a prank he pulled and Harry decides just to listen to him.

“I’m skipping the rest of the day,” Eleanor announces. “I’ll keep an eye on him, besides I have a few hundred things he can sign as punishment.” Her eyes sparkle and Harry is more than a little terrified.

As it turns out, Eleanor isn’t half as mean as she makes herself out to be. Harry only ends up signing his own album and listening to her talk about Allison for a few hours before she goes away for lunch. Harry decides to stay in and take a nap instead.

It hits him just as he’s falling asleep that this is where Louis sleeps every night. This is where he gets phone calls from the boy, late at night when he needs somebody to talk to. This is where Louis laughs with him and sings to him and listens.

Just like every time he falls asleep thinking of Louis, he falls asleep smiling.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but very important, enjoy ;)

_Harry:_

Harry looks out the car window and back to his phone, double checking the address Liam made him write down. It’s a cute neighborhood, little houses with bicycles in the yards and kids just out of school running around playing. He takes a deep breath and gets out of the car, dodging a few toys on the walk up to the door.

It takes him a full minute to gather up enough courage to knock on the door, but when he does he instantly hears a lot of yelling. If he listens closely it sounds like girls fighting and his suspicions are proved when the door swings open.

“No Fizzy, you can’t open the door, Mum said I-” The girl stops talking when she sees Harry on her doorstep. Her jaw drops and she just stands there, staring.

Harry notices three other smaller girls piled up behind her and wracks his brain for her name. When it comes to him, he smiles at her. “You must be Lottie.” Apparently this is the wrong thing to say because she starts screaming.

All of sudden Louis comes running up behind the girls, fighting to get to the front to see what’s wrong. He’s just as adorable as the pictures Harry thinks, even in glasses and a pair of oversized sweatpants with the name of his uni printed on the side. He didn’t even know about the glasses, those are a very welcome surprise.

“Lottie, what is it what happened?” Louis demands, looking concerned when he spots Harry still standing there awkwardly. He stands up straight and leans against the doorway, frowning at the other boy like he’s trying to place him. Finally, he laughs. “Are you Harry Styles?”

And Harry loves him. Even when Louis is faced with him, actual him, he’s just as sassy and himself as he ever was. He’s not starstruck or anything, just Louis.

“Hey Lou.” Harry murmurs back.

It takes a moment, but Harry can see the recognition on Louis’ face. His eyes widen and he grabs onto the door jam to keep himself steady. “Harry?” He asks, his voice sounding far away.

Harry nods back. “Yeah, I…yeah.”

Louis nods and then steps forward and slaps him.

The girls all let out cries and Harry hisses in pain. Louis’ eyes widen and he swears under his breath. “Oh god, come inside.” He grabs onto Harry’s forearm and practically drags the boy into the house and down the hall.

“Lou, you just slapped Harry Styles!” Lottie yells shrilly.

“Lottie, shut the door.” Louis calls back.

After being dragged down a hallway to the back of the house, Harry ends up in their kitchen, sat at one of the chairs at the table and watching Louis hurry around the kitchen. He soon returns with a flannel wrapped around ice that he presses against Harry’s face while wincing.

“Fuck, I’d say I’m sorry but-”

“You’re not.” Harry guesses.

Louis smiles and presses a bit harder with the ice. “I’m going to fucking murder Zayn.” He mumbles, grabbing one of Harry’s hands and making him hold the ice down.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he blurts out, making Louis stop moving. “I mean…that’s why I’m here. She isn’t my girlfriend, she’s just a friend.”

Louis laughs, which wasn’t what Harry expected at all. He turns back to Harry and smiles. “You don’t have to defend yourself to me Harry, it’s alright. I get it.”

Harry frowns. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “I’ve never heard anyone create such a bad lie before, though. Usually it’s ‘it’s my sister’ or, ‘he’s just my flatmate’ but friend? Really? Do you wanna try again Harry? Are you sure she isn’t just your cousin, or your drug dealer, or your landlord?”

Harry groans and scrubs over his face with his hands. “Please Louis, she’s just a beard.”

Louis looks skeptical, like maybe he’s heard that one before. Who knows, Harry thinks, maybe he has. “Why? Why do you need a beard?”

“Because I can’t be gay, Lou, that’s why!” Harry whisper-shouts so the girls won’t hear him. “I told you that, do you honestly think I’d lie about something like that?”

Louis shrugs. “You lied about everything else.”

Harry swallows back tears and keeps pressing the ice pack to his face. “Can’t we just talk? Please, Louis.” He murmurs.

He doesn’t get an answer though, because that’s when he notices four little pairs of eyes staring at him from the doorway. Smiling softly, he turns and sees all of Louis’ sisters standing in the hall outside the kitchen watching them.

Louis groans. “Girls, we didn’t ask for an audience.”

“Harry Styles is in _my_ kitchen,” Lottie says, placing one of her hands on her hips and looking downright pissed off. “I’m not going to sit on the couch and pretend it isn’t happening.”

Harry takes the ice pack off. “How bad is it?” he asks the girls, moving his jaw around a bit. “Too bad to take a picture?”

Lottie has her phone out in under a second. Soon, Harry is standing in the middle of all the girls, one arm wrapped around Lottie’s shoulders. Louis is smiling just the smallest bit as he takes the picture of the five of them together.

“Can I tweet it?” Lottie asks, grinning at the phone once she’s got her phone back. “No one is ever going to believe this.”

Harry’s smile wavers and he coughs. “Could you um, could you wait? I promise you can tweet it as soon as I leave, but not now.”

“You ran off.” Louis guesses.

Harry shrugs. “Disappeared without a trace would probably be a better description.”

Louis raises an eyebrow. “Really? Quite a little daredevil we have here.”

“Only for you.”

Louis’ frown comes back and he pushes past Harry to get to the stairs. “Lottie, you’re in charge while I talk to Harry.” He calls on the way up. Lottie agrees of course and waves to Harry as he slowly follows Louis up the steps.

“Thank you for doing that,” Louis says, once Harry’s gotten to the top of the steps. “It really means a lot to Lottie.”

Harry shrugs. “She’s a lovely girl, they all are. Must take after their brother.”

Louis shoots him a quick little smile and goes up the steps. He leads Harry into his room and motions for him to sit down on the bed. Harry does so gingerly, looking around and smiling a bit at the posters and trophies and pictures up all around the room.

“It’s more you than your dorm.”

“You went to my dorm?” Louis asks, sitting in the chair next to his desk.

Harry nods and then winces at the memory. “Eleanor beat me up.” He mutters.

Louis laughs loudly. “She did, huh? You sort of deserved it.”

Harry smiles softly at that and looks down at his hands for a bit, playing with the rings on his fingers. “I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into when I won,” he says, deciding just to tell the story and get it over with. “I mean, I thought I’d make music and that’s it but it’s so much more than that, Lou. It’s watching everything you eat, not getting enough sleep, never seeing your family, not getting just to be who you are.”

“Harry-”

“Just let me finish,” he interrupts. “Please.”

Louis nods and shuts his mouth, waiting for Harry to speak again.

“I knew I was gay, I’ve always known it ever since I was a kid. It was never much of a problem when I was on X-Factor, I knew a few others were gay too, and everyone thought I was with Allison anyway so it never really came up. And then there was…there was this boy.” Harry stops, thinking back to his old neighbor Jack. He was charming, handsome, funny, basically everything Harry could’ve wanted in a boy at that time. He also turned out to be a rat whose only intention was to sell a story, but Harry hadn’t known that at first of course. At first he thought it was love. He decides to leave that story for another time.

Noticing that Louis is staring at him, waiting, Harry coughs and continues. “I decided if I wanted to be with him I should probably tell my management, right? So I did and they flipped, showed me my contract where I signed something basically saying I can’t be gay if it hurts my image. Girls wouldn’t like thinking they have no chance with me,” Harry stops just to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. “You saw me down there. Do you think Lottie would like me half as much as she does if she knew all I really wanted was you?”

Louis is silent for a moment, just staring at the other boy. He finally scoots closer in his chair and grabs Harry’s hand, interlocking their fingers and squeezing. “I’m so sorry Harry,” he murmurs. “I had no idea.”

“Nobody does,” Harry mumbles bitterly. “And poor Aly, she’s in love with my best friend Niall, you know? And they’re adorable together but it could never work out with her and I pretending to be in love with each other every fucking day. They could never go out on dates, or stay the night at each other’s flats, he could never visit her on tour. It just isn’t fair, none of it’s fair.”

Louis reaches up and pushes Harry’s fringe back. His hands feel so good Harry doesn’t know how he’s gone this long this long without them. “Was that who answered yesterday?”

Harry nods. “Lou, nothing happened I swear. We were both really drunk and Niall drove us home. We crashed on the couches and I don’t even…it’s Allison, you know? It just seems ridiculous to think about her like that at all.” He trails off, making a face and shaking his head.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispers, both his hands now in Harry’s. “I feel like such a twat.”

Harry shakes his head and chuckles. “You had no way of knowing Lou, I don’t blame you. I just don’t want you to be angry with me.” He says, looking down at their joined hands.

“I’m not, I never really was,” Louis sighs. “I get it. Kind of.”

Harry looks back up and raises his eyebrows. “Kind of?”

“Well you kind of neglected to mention the whole ‘I’m and extremely attractive international popstar and you’re just some shit actor in uni’ thing.”

Harry smiles softly. “I heard you got the lead, babe. You deserve it.”

Louis blushes and shrugs like it was nothing. “Don’t tell anyone but I totally slept with the director.” He whispers, eyes crinkling when he smiles. Harry laughs at that and brings Louis’ hands up to his lips.

“God, you’re even more beautiful than the pictures.” He mutters.

“Well I never got any pictures,” Louis points out with a mischievous smile. “You lied about your last name too.”

Harry shrugs. “It’s my mum’s last name, it wasn’t a total lie.”

Louis hums a bit and sits back in his chair, just staring at Harry for a while. Finally, he smiles and shakes his head. “Are you going to kiss me popstar, or are you going to drag it out a little longer?”

That’s all it takes for Harry to surge forward and press his lips to Louis’. Louis lets out a pleased sound and leans forward just a bit so they’re meeting halfway. Their hands slide away from each other and soon Harry’s large hand is cupping the back of Louis’ head and pulling him even closer. Louis moans quietly and smiles when he pulls away, resting their foreheads together.

“I just kissed Harry Goddamn Styles, the bane of my entire existence.” He murmurs quietly.

“Excuse me?” Harry laughs.

Louis opens his eyes and shakes his head. “It’s nothing,” he laughs. “Just, come here. Kiss me again.”

Harry smiles and does as he’s told.

 

* * *

 

 

_Louis:_

Explaining to his mother that a world famous singer would be joining them for the night was not something Louis probably should’ve done over the phone, but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice. When she’d texted asking what he’d like for dinner and he texted her back saying Harry Styles would be spending the night, she thought it was a joke. It took ten minutes of convincing but she finally said she believed him. He doubts she actually does though, not until she comes home and sees him sitting on the floor, in the flesh, playing a board game one of the girls found stuffed in a closet somewhere.

“How did this happen?” Louis’ mother hisses at him once she’s dragged him off to the kitchen.

Louis shrugs, as if it’s not a big deal. “He’s the boy I’ve been talking to, remember? The one I told you about over break. He and Zayn have been best friends since they were kids.”

“Harry Styles,” his mother repeats in disbelief. “I’m going to have to have a talk with this boy.”

Louis groans. “Oh, please Mum don’t-”

“He’s the reason you showed up here yesterday in tears,” she interrupts him. “If you think I’m going to just forget that then you don’t know me at all, Louis.”

The thought of his mother having any sort of _talk_ with Harry is terrifying. That’s a surefire way of scaring Harry right back off to London, never to return and he knows it because his mum’s done it before. Her knack for scaring away potential partners is fascinating, actually.

After dinner-where Harry mostly picked at his food Louis noticed, and he wonders if it’s because of nerves or something else-Louis’ mother asks Harry to help her with the dishes. Louis tries to stay in the kitchen with them but one look from the woman and he’s hurrying back out into the living room with the girls.

“Mummy’s going to scare Harry away,” Phoebe says with a nod. “He’ll never want to be our friend again.”

“He’s Harry Styles,” Lottie mutters. “He never wanted to be our friend in the first place. Why is he even here, Lou?”

Louis stutters and then shrugs. “Zayn. He’s Zayn’s friend and we’ve been talking.”

At the mention of Zayn’s name, Lottie goes red and shuts up. Apparently the fact that her two main crushes in the world are best friends is too much knowledge for one night and she soon hurries up to her room to do god knows what. Hopefully not post on twitter that Harry Styles will be sleeping on her couch, Louis thinks.

Soon the door to the kitchen opens and Harry emerges looking mildly terrified. Whatever his mother said was probably complete bullshit and empty threats about what would happen to him if he ever hurt her baby again, but it still seems to scare people for some reason. Louis pats the couch beside him and Harry sits down slowly, watching as Louis’ mum hurries the girls upstairs to get ready for bed.

“I’m so sorry,” Louis says as soon as she’s out of earshot. “Was it bad?”

Harry shrugs, and smiles. “She’s uh, she’s very convincing. And vivid, very vivid.”

Louis groans and drops his head into his hands in mortification. “Please god, let the ground just swallow me up now.” He mumbles into his palms.

At that, Harry laughs and wraps an arm around the boy’s shoulders. “C’mon Lou, I get it. My mum would’ve done the exact same thing to you if you were me.”

“She probably wouldn’t have threatened to murder you and hide your body in a ditch.” Louis moans.

Harry kisses the side of Louis’ head and chuckles. “I promise it’s okay. Can I see your face now, love? I miss it.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Louis sighs, but he sits up anyway, smiling at Harry. “You promise I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and find you gone?”

Harry holds up his pinky and links it with Louis’ tugging it a few times. “Promise.” He smiles.

And Harry Styles is a bit of geek, but he’s _Louis’_ geek now, so Louis tugs back and grins.

Before they head off to bed, Harry goes upstairs to use the shower. After promising his mum about a thousand times that they won’t do anything, Louis lays down on the couch and waits for Harry to come back. He admittedly drifts off a bit and wakes up to find Harry, curls still wet and smiling above him.

“I take it I’m not sleeping by myself tonight?”

Louis grins and moves towards Harry’s touch when the boy’s large hand finds its way to his hair. “Fat chance, idiot. I just got you to myself, if you think I’m ever leaving you alone you’re out of your mind.”

Harry smiles and leans down to kiss Louis softly. It was tough for Louis to go the day without this now that he knows what it feels like, but he decided it was best to keep this all a secret from his younger sisters. He can’t kiss Harry now though, so he gently puts a hand on Harry’s chest and pushes him away. As much as it sucks to have to do this, he’s been hurt way too many times and that is not happening again.

“Ground rules.”

“Ground rules?” Harry repeats.

Louis nods and holds up his hand so he can start ticking them off on his fingers. “One, no more lies. Period,” he narrows his eyes at Harry so he knows just how serious that one is before he continues. “Two, we’ll skype with each other at least once a week or else I’ll miss you too much and do something stupid like drop everything just to come visit you. Three, we’re not together. Not yet.”

Harry’s bemused smile falls at that last one. He looks disappointed but he nods anyway. “I get it Lou, really. I know it’s a lot-”

“No, Harry,” Louis rolls his eyes. “We’re not together _yet_. Not until you’re officially broken up with that girl. I know it’s fake, I know she’s just a friend and not your type at all, but I don’t care. I’ve been cheated on and strung along too many times to deal with something like that.”

Louis is almost worried Harry will laugh in his face and say no to the whole thing. He is famous, after all, and could probably have just about anyone he wanted. There are people just lining up waiting to get their hands on him, why should he stick around for little Louis Tomlinson and his stupid set of rules?

Harry doesn’t laugh thank god, but he does smile just a bit. “It’s over in February,” he says, grinning now. “I just have to wait until then to call you mine.”

Louis’ heart pounds at that and his mouth goes dry. “Fuck, Harry.” He mumbles, looking away so he won’t start crying.

“Lou?” Harry whispers in concern. “Lou, babe did I say something wrong?”

Louis coughs awkwardly and shakes his head. “No, it’s just…no one’s ever really wanted me before. I’m trying to get it through my head.”

Harry scoffs. “Well, I doubt that’s true. You’re perfect Lou, who wouldn’t want you?”

Louis swallows past the lump in his throat and even though he doesn’t really believe it, nods. Sitting up just slightly, he pulls Harry down to him and makes him lay down on the couch beside him. Warm hands find their way around Louis’ waist and onto the skin of his back and soon his eyes are shut to stop the tears that are surely coming.

“I do love you, you know,” he whispers. “You’re one of my best friends, Harry. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Harry leans forward and kisses the tip of Louis’ nose just to get a giggle out of him. “I love you too, Lou. Go to sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

And for once, Louis knows he’s telling the truth. For the first time in a long time, Louis knows he won’t have to wake up alone.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah sorry it's a bit late and short but I'm working on a paper (ugh) and it's taking up most of my time. Enjoy :)

_Louis:_

Surprisingly, hiding an international superstar in your dorm room is a lot easier than Louis had originally thought. He mostly just has to bring Harry food between classes and leave him with the door locked tightly while he’s not in the room. Actually, it’s sort of like having a dog, he thinks with a grin, a super famous dog who has to go everywhere dressed in hoodies and beanies.

Okay, so maybe it’s not exactly like having a dog but still. It’s the principle of the thing.

**Come back I miss you**

Louis smiles down at Harry’s text and quickly puts his phone back in his pocket before his professor sees. He’s sitting on the stage in a giant mess of people, all practicing the musical for the first time. While he’s been mostly sitting Eleanor and speaking only when it’s his turn, he’s still tired. He and Harry got in late last night after Louis skipped class all of Monday and spent it with his family and Harry instead. Since arriving at Louis’ dorm at two in the morning, he’s had four classes, a shift at work, and it’s now nine o’clock and they’re just about done with the read-through. That’s all not counting the fact that between all of this, Louis would rush back to his room just to spend a few moments with Harry.

Harry who’s been stressing himself out just for Louis. He’s been getting phone call after phone call from his management team demanding to know where he’s gone and why he hasn’t showed up to any of his obligations. Of course, stubborn as he is, Harry’s not said a word about where he is only telling everyone he’ll be back by Wednesday. That doesn’t exactly placate them.

Lottie posting the picture of him on her twitter as soon as the two left didn’t exactly help.

**Zayn and Liam left. I’m all alone :(**

Louis looks around and quickly taps back an answer. _ten more minutes and ill be there promise xx_

**Hurry .xx**

“He’s a bit impatient, isn’t he?” Eleanor whispers.

Louis looks up and is immediately met with the girl’s eyes on his phone. He sighs. “Stop spying, you’re worse than my sisters.”

“Well, excuse me,” she hisses back, close to his ear. “But this is possibly the most exciting thing to ever happen in our lives. You’re dating Harry _fucking_ Styles.”

“Goddamn.”

Eleanor frowns. “What?”

“It’s Harry Goddamn-you know what, never mind,” Louis shakes his head and bends his script in his hands nervously. “The point is we’re not dating yet.”

Eleanor sighs loudly and shakes her head at her friend. “Only you Louis, honestly.” She murmurs. He’s about to ask what she means by that, but soon it’s his turn to speak again and Eleanor returns to smiling deviously down at her script.

“Alright,” Professor Brown announces once the group has sung the last line. “I expect all of you to be here Saturday, seven sharp. That means you, Louis.”

Louis stands up and smirks in the man’s direction. “You act like I can’t be trusted.” And true, he was ten minutes late today, but really when Harry wants to make out nothing can stop him.

The professor rolls his eyes and waves his hand at the boy. “Get out of here, Tomlinson.”

Louis salutes him, per usual, and follows Eleanor out of the auditorium. He pulls out his phone and texts Harry back once more. _im on my way._

**I’ll be waiting.**

It’s then that what Eleanor said finally makes sense, and when it does it’s like being hit by a freight train. Louis has Harry Styles- _the_ Harry Styles-waiting up on his bed for him. People would kill for that opportunity, literally kill, he’s seen how vicious twelve year old girls can be, and yet he still won’t admit they’re dating. Not yet.

But the thing is, to Louis, Harry Styles isn’t _the_ Harry Styles. He’s still the same dorky little Harry he talked to over the phone late at night, who’s a bit too obsessed with his cat, and has terrible taste in music. Louis has never thought of Harry as anything but. He knows that was something Harry was always worried about, like what would happen when Louis found out, but he never really had to be worried.

Harry never had to lie either, but it’s too late for that.

Louis sighs and keeps walking, focusing on the white puffs his breath leaves in the air.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

Harry groans when he reads his text message from his sister. **_Call me._**

No doubt she wants to tell him another cautionary tale or grill him again on his personal life. Then again, if he learned anything from being at home with Louis it’s that that’s an older sibling’s job. Deep down he knows that Gemma’s only trying to protect him but it’s scary how close she gets to the actual problem.

Harry looks down at his ice cream that Eleanor came and dropped off for him before she and Louis went to practice. He frowns and pushes it away, letting it melt in its little container. Being with Louis almost made him forget about the calories and the fat he consumes on a daily basis. Not that he hasn’t been keeping track of course, and getting rid of it all is surprisingly much harder with a bathroom shared by his best friend, his best friend’s boyfriend, and his almost boyfriend than a one shared by Louis’ entire family.

His stomach feels heavy and he feels sick at the thought of everything he’s had today. He’s disgusting.

After shooting Louis a quick text telling him he’ll be waiting, he goes into the bathroom and sits beside the toilet. He sighs and reaches to the back of his throat, stroking softly and just waiting for all the sugary fattening food he’s eaten today to come back up.

His throat burns and he’s coughing when his phone starts buzzing across the tile floor.

“Fuck,” he whispers, reaching for it and coughing once more before flushing the toilet and answering. “Gems?” He croaks.

“Where on earth are you, Harry?” She demands.

Harry sighs and stands up, stretching out his aching joints from where he’s been kneeling on the hard floor. He’s so tempted to answer truthfully, to tell her what he’s just done, but he can’t. “In a dorm. Louis’ dorm.”

There’s a pause, and then Gemma’s sighing. “Fuck, Harry. You told him?”

Harry leans back on Louis’ bed and stares at the ceiling. “I kind of showed up at his house the other day and…yeah. I told him.”

“How did he take it?”

Harry laughs and tells her everything, down to how Louis’ initial response was to slap him. She laughs at that and listens patiently as he explains everything else, like why he even had to tell Louis in the first place, and how his mother threatened to skin him if he ever fucked with Louis again. When he finally stops talking, Gemma’s still giggling slightly.

“I’m happy for you H, honestly,” she says. “But next time, before you drop off the face of the earth maybe you can give us a little warning? You scared me.”

Harry frowns at that. “I scared you.” He repeats.

Gemma makes a noise that tells Harry she does not like where this is going. “I just worry about you, kid. I know how stressed out you get-”

“I’m not going to kill myself Gemma.”

That silences her for a moment and Harry’s heart is beating erratically. He doesn’t think he’d kill himself, he hasn’t gotten that bad, but there’s no telling where he’s heading now. Wouldn’t it be so much easier just to get it all over with? He looks down at his free hand which is now shaking and closes his eyes, pushing the thoughts away.

“I… _fuck_ , Harry that’s not what I meant. You know that’s not what I meant, I don’t think you’d do that-”

“But you do think I’d starve myself.” He finishes for her, frowning.

“Let’s not fight Harry, come on. Please?” Gemma pleads with him.

Harry rolls his eyes. “Fine, whatever we won’t fight. Just stop treating me like a child, okay? I can take care of myself, have done for a while.”

Gemma doesn’t argue with that and instead of continuing the conversation, they both say their goodbyes. Just as Harry hands up, he hears something outside the door. Knowing it’s Louis, he sits up straight and grins.

Louis doesn’t come in though, and his key stops in the door. “Louis, hey.” Another voice calls.

“Oh, hey Matt,” Louis says back, his voice muffled through the door but still shaky. “What’re you doing over here?”

“I have friends down the hall,” the voice-Matt, Harry assumes-says, growing closer. “Listen, I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

Louis scoffs. “Well yeah, I mean I caught you fucking a TA,” he laughs, like it doesn’t hurt him or matter anymore. “I didn’t really want to see you afterward.”

It takes all Harry has not to run to the door and open it, wrap his arms around Louis protectively and get him away from this prick. He shouldn’t have to deal with bullshit like that, this guy shouldn’t even be here. Louis apparently agrees because he cuts Matt off when he tries to speak again.

“Did you need something?”

Matt hesitates before saying, “Well, I was just wondering what you were doing tonight.”

Harry stills completely. He’s not sure what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t _that_. Maybe Louis will go with him, why would he want to stay here with ugly old Harry anyway? What does Harry even have to offer besides a slew of problems and a giant mess waiting to happen?

He’s shaking again and he tries to stop it by clenching his hands together, but there’s no use. Looking to the door, he waits for Louis to agree to go off with Matt.

But he doesn’t.

“Not you, that’s for sure,” Louis replies, all snark and sarcasm. “Get out of here Matt.”

Matt stutters an answer. “But I wanted to-”

“I honestly don’t give a single fuck what you want,” Louis snaps. “Goodnight, Matthew.”

The door opens suddenly and Louis enters, slamming it shut behind him and locking it. He throws his bag to the ground and lets out a large sigh, before looking up and smiling at Harry.

“Hey, babe.”

Harry’s eyes water and he wipes at them quickly. “Hey, Lou.”

Louis holds up the paper bag in his hand and grins. “I stopped off and got chinese since the couple left us alone, you hungry.”

The smell alone makes Harry’s stomach clench, but he still grins and nods and soon he and Louis are picking at the different containers together.

“How was rehearsal?” Harry asks, smiling while Louis attempts to pick up a piece of chicken with a chop stick.

“It was rehearsal, I’m tired, and my voice will be gone by tech week.”

Harry smiles and leans over to nuzzle his face into Louis’ neck. He’d much rather do this than eat, just cuddle with Louis and listen to him breathe and talk. Louis laughs and slaps him away but doesn’t complain when Harry simply kisses his neck and presses closer.

“Harry I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me.” Louis murmurs.

“’Course babe.” Harry murmurs, closing his eyes.

Louis takes a deep breath. “Have you ever lied to me? Besides what I already know, besides all of that, do you lie to me?”

Harry frowns and sits back up at that. He looks over and sees Louis picking at some rice quietly, keeping his eyes downcast. A part of him wants to vehemently refuse, to tell Louis he never lies. Then again, does the diet count? If he lies and says he’s going to take a shower when he really is on his knees in the bathroom, does that count as a lie?

“No,” Harry decides. “No, baby I’ve never lied to you. I promise it’s all true.”

Louis nods and then lets out a large sigh. “You could have anyone you wanted,” he murmurs. “Anyone in the world and you chose me and I don’t understand-there has to be a catch y’know? So there has to be something. Please, just tell me now if there is.”

Harry’s heart feels as though it stops beating for a moment. He reaches over and lifts Louis’ chin so they’re facing each other and he can see the older boy’s teary blue eyes.

“All I know is how much I love you,” Harry whispers. “And I would never lie to you, ask me anything and I swear I’ll tell you the truth.” And he means it too, even if Louis asked _that_ question, that horrible terrifying question he wouldn’t lie. That’s how much he wants Louis to trust him.

Louis sniffles a bit and then smiles. “God, I’m sort of an idiot aren’t I?”

Harry smiles back and holds his arms out, laughing when Louis practically launches himself at him. “You’re not an idiot, you’re just my Louis. And I would never, ever pick anyone over you.”

And by the way Louis relaxes against him, Harry can tell he knows it’s not a lie.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 300 kudos that's crazy, thank you everyone for reading :)
> 
> Just a warning this chapter could be triggering for some, please read the tags xx

_Harry:_

Harry sits on his couch, one hand petting absently at Lily who’s sitting at his side, and the other using the remote to flip through channel after channel looking for something to watch. The cat purrs and rubs her head along his arm until his phone starts buzzing and she jumps away. Harry laughs softly and picks it up, scowling when he sees it’s his manager.

Today is supposed to be a day off, his first in weeks since he went off on his little disappearing act and pissed a lot of people off. His plans for today were to sit here on the couch, no pants on, playing video games, and maybe texting Louis until he was so tired he’d pass out.

“Hello?”

“Harry, it’s Kara,” she says, as if he doesn’t already know. “I need you to come into my office at your earliest convenience. Meaning now. We need to discuss some things.”

Harry frowns, wracking his brain and trying to think of anything he might of done to warrant this. He’s mostly stayed around London for the past few weeks, unfortunately staying away from Louis and therefore out of trouble. The most he’s really done besides promote his new album and sign posters of his face was visit Allison last week in Los Angeles, where her new tour has started. It was the last of their dates before they break up next week, officially.

It hits him then that that’s probably what Kara wants to talk about, the break up, so he reluctantly agrees. “Fine, give me like a half hour and I’ll be there.”

Harry hangs up and lets out a loud sigh. “Lily, I really don’t want to do this.”

Lily purrs her agreement and hops off the couch, leaving Harry to wallow in his own laziness and misery for twenty minutes exactly before he jumps up, pulls some pants on, and leaves the flat.

Kara’s office is neat and empty as usual when he arrives, and Harry feels completely out of place as usual while he waits. He’s resorted to staring blankly out the window and wondering what it is Kara does when she’s not running his personal and professional life, when he hears her heels coming from down the hall. He sits up straighter and jumps when she comes up behind him and drops a handful of magazines on the desk, causing them to emit a loud smacking sound.

“Tell me what these say, Harry.” Kara says, her voice all fake sweetness. She comes around the desk and sits, crossing her arms over her chest and waiting.

In actuality, he’s only on the cover of two of the magazines, while the rest seem to have the same sort of story inside. Pictures are everywhere of his tattooed body on full display at the hotel pool in Los Angeles where Allison was staying. He hadn’t even noticed a photographer around, but that’s the least of Harry’s worries now. While Allison looks gorgeous sitting beside him on one of the lounge chairs, he looks gigantic. A rational part of him knows it’s just the angle from which the pictures were shot, but the other part of him doesn’t care. He looks fat. Fat and disgusting.

Harry feels like he’s going to be sick.

“You made the decision to get rid of your trainer,” Kara says, scowling at him. “And these are the consequences. Every single one of these articles is _your_ fault, Harry, because you’re stubborn and you think you know what’s best.”

Harry shakes his head a few times, too numb to know what to say. “But my…my mum-”

“Do you think I give a damn what your _mum_ thinks?” Kara shouts, her voice ringing throughout the office. “Your mother isn’t the one who’s going to have to fix this, I am. I now have to find a way to convince people that you haven’t let yourself go, though by the looks of you I think it’s quite obvious you have.”

At those words, Harry looks down. His shirt is sort of loose, not too tight, but he swears he can make out his stomach through the fabric. Cringing, he looks back up and sees Kara glaring at him, one manicured finger tapping on a magazine cover. She raises an eyebrow, as if asking him what they should do next. He knows, though, he knows very well what must be done.

“I have to go,” Harry stutters, standing up and shaking his head.

Kara gapes at him. “Go?” she laughs. “No. You’re not going anywhere, Harry, sit down.”

Harry doesn’t listen though, because as much as he knows he should listen and sit down and make a plan, his brain is telling him to go home, get rid of this heavy feeling in his stomach. So, he shakes his head one final time at her, eyes a bit wide, and turns to leave.

“Harry, if you walk out that door you can consider yourself dropped!” Kara threatens. He pauses for a moment, and thinks about it. If he walks out the door it’s all over, the money, the fame, it’s all done. Does he really want it, though? Did he ever really want to become the person he is now? Sure he loves his music, his fans, all of that, but is that enough to make him stay?

Harry takes a deep breath and stomps out the door, not listening as Kara shrilly calls his name from behind him. He doesn’t stop once on his way downstairs to where his car is waiting for him.

Once he’s safe inside, the tears start. He wipes at them furiously and starts the car, peeling out onto the street and heading home where his bathroom is waiting. Even though he hasn’t eaten at all today, his stomach feels weighed down, heavy. All he cares about is finding some sort of relief.

His mind wanders back, back to the first time he ever felt this way. It was a few days after his very first photo shoot after X Factor, the first time he ever saw his face on a fancy magazine cover, fat cheeks dimpling in and stomach clearly pushing at his shirt. In that moment he realized what it would mean to be famous, seeing his fat face and body regularly on TV and in photos. That was the first time he purged, the first time he ate until he thought his stomach would bust and made it all come back up, retching over the toilet and crying.

He hasn't regretted it since.

By the time he makes it to his flat, he’s shaking on top of crying. As soon as he walks in the door, Lily is right at his feet, purring and rubbing her side along his legs. He sniffles a bit and gently pushes her away so he can walk past her and back into his bathroom, ignoring when she meows angrily as if asking him, _Where are you going?_

As soon as he’s reached the bathroom, he locks the door and drops to his knees beside the toilet, retching into it but to his dismay nothing comes up. Whimpering, he lays back against the wall and tries to think of the last time he ate, but comes up with nothing. He hasn’t had anything more than vegetables here and there for the past few weeks, and when he had to eat he immediately threw it back up. Shakily he climbs back to his feet and walks slowly into the kitchen.

There isn’t much in his fridge besides leftover takeout from when Niall or Allison stay over and the fruit and vegetables he keeps stocked up on since that’s basically all he ever eats. Still sniffling back tears, he pulls out all the cold takeout boxes and starts eating it with his hands, every piece of food he can find he shoves into his mouth. He eats and eats until his stomach is so full he’s sure he’ll explode, and then he eats some more.

Soon he’s sitting next to a pile of empty boxes and he’s crying even more than he had been before. Lily is watching him from the edge of the kitchen and just looking at her, Harry can tell she’s disgusted with him. Just as disgusted as he is with himself.

Harry thinks of his sister, of how she warned him about her friend, he thinks of how disappointed she’d be if she saw him like this. He thinks of his mother, how she would cry if she found him, Niall and Zayn how angry they would be if they knew he was hurting himself and they never noticed. They don’t understand though, no one understands why this is necessary.

He can’t live in a world like they can, he can’t live just being who he is and not caring what people think of him. Even before he was famous he cared way too much about what people thought, and now it’s only magnified. They will never understand what it’s like to look at a magazine and see words like _love handles_ and _chunky_ used to describe your body.

Everything Harry does he does because he has to and that’s the end of it.

Groaning, Harry tosses all the now empty styrofoam boxes into the bin and walks back to the bathroom. Lily doesn’t even try to follow him this time, just watches him go. He figures it’s probably better that way.

It’s easier this time, with his stomach not just feeling full but actually being full. He relives the entire altercation with Kara, the words from the articles running through his mind as he coughs into the toilet and gags. That’s when he notices the red.

Harry pauses for a moment, and pulls back, only to cough again and see more of it. Blood.

His heart starts hammering and he scrambles backwards, hitting the tiled wall and breathing heavily. That’s never happened to him before and it’s absolutely terrifying. It hits him in that moment that what he’s doing is so _wrong_. His body shouldn’t be forced to puke up every bit of food he eats and this is its way of showing that.

Sure that he must be dying or worse, injured enough to have to go to a hospital, he shakily pulls his phone from his pocket. He has to tell someone, has to call somebody and tell them before it gets any worse, but who? Gemma and his mum are an instant no; they’d freak out and probably cry. Niall and Zayn would be so angry and they’d probably freak out too, and Allison isn’t even in the same country for chrissake.

He knows then, he knows there’s one person he can trust to stay calm and help him. Sniffling, he scrolls through his contacts and presses call.

 

* * *

 

_Louis:_

 

“Louis, you have to eat something else,” Zayn says, sounding every bit like Louis’ mother if he’s honest. “You cannot survive off easy mac and self-pity.”

“When I fail that test tomorrow, that will be all I have left.” Louis replies, sighing dramatically.

Zayn raises an eyebrow. “You know, if you studied you might not fail.”

Louis says nothing, just scoops up more macaroni and cheese into his mouth, eyes challenging Zayn to say something about it. He doesn’t, he just rolls his eyes and returns to highlighting his textbook. Louis supposes he should be studying too, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Who decided that math should be required anyway? When is he ever going to use math beyond handling change at work, which is something he’s actually quite good at thank you very much. He’s considering looking through his textbook when his phone catches his eye.

Texting Harry would be _so_ much more fun than studying.

Grinning to himself, he taps out a quick, _what are u doing babe????_ and waits.

Their relationship, or non-relationship relationship as Louis likes to call it, has been going surprisingly well actually. Louis expected it to be different now that he knows everything about Harry down to his favorite pair of socks, but it’s not really. If anything it’s better this way because they get to skype and Louis gets to annoy him while he’s in LA on “very important business”, which basically means pretending to have a girlfriend.

Louis’ been keeping busy as well though with his own pretend girlfriend, Hannah, who plays opposite him in the musical. She’s beautiful, funny, talented, and apparently extremely stupid. She spends every moment they’re not practicing together flirting with him. Everyone seems to think it’s hilarious except Harry, who gets pouty whenever her name is mentioned. Louis makes sure to mention her a lot.

He’s a bit surprised when Harry calls him instead of just texting him back, but he still smiles and answers anyway. “Hey, Hazza.”

“Louis,” Harry breathes, sounding like he’s in pain. “Lou, I’ve done something so stupid. I need help.”

Louis’ eyes go wide when Harry stops talking and starts sobbing. He’s never heard Harry sound this upset before, not even when he called from the closet what feels like ages ago now. Louis tries to keep himself calm, but does a pretty shit job at it if Zayn’s expression is anything to go by.

“Harry, what did you do? What happened?”

Harry just cries harder. “So dumb, I’m so fucking stupid,” he whines. “There’s blood, and I-”

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis says, his voice cracking. “What is going on?”

Zayn finally says something, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Louis?”

Louis shrugs helplessly and tries to talk again and Harry interrupts him. “I was-I was um, puking and there’s blood and I’m such an idiot Louis. I-” He breaks off into more sobbing and Louis throws out any plan to stay calm. He panics.

“Zayn, call Niall now,” he says, placing a hand over his phone so the sobbing Harry won’t hear. “Tell him to go over to Harry’s and check on him. He’s saying there’s blood and I…I don’t know what to do Zayn, I don’t know.”

Zayn’s eyes widen for a moment, and then he’s snapping into action, pulling out his phone and calling Niall.

Harry’s still crying when Louis pulls his hand away and speaks again. “Babe, Zayn is calling Niall and he’s going to come over. Okay?”

“No!” Harry yells. “No, no, no, you can’t let him come over, you can’t….he can’t see me-Lou. Louis please, no.”

Louis closes his eyes, trying his hardest not to cry. “Baby, I don’t know what else to do. I have to make sure you’re okay, do you understand that?”

Harry hesitates. “Okay,” he breathes. “Niall can…he can come over, but he can’t…he can’t see me.”

Louis shakes his head. “H-”

“I only want you.”

At that, Louis snaps his eyes open and sits up straight. “If I came, you’d let me in?”

“I only want to see you, only you can see me.”

Zayn hangs up and nods to Louis. “He’s heading over right now, he’s going to try to get Harry to go to a hospital I guess.”

Louis shakes his head. “No, he isn’t going to let Niall in,” he says, standing up and making his decision. “We have to go Zayn, I have to. Baby, I’m coming there, I promise.”

Harry sniffles. “You-you are?”

“Of course I am, I’ll be there soon. Promise.”

When Harry speaks next it’s rushed and Louis can practically see his fresh new tears. ‘Thank you Louis, thank you. I love you.”

Louis nods, trying to keep his own tears out of his voice. “I love you too baby, completely. I’m leaving right now I promise.”

After another shared I love you, Louis hangs up and starts crying full out. “Come on,” he says, waving his hand. “Pack, we’re leaving. We have to go see him, he said he won’t let anyone in unless I’m there and I-”

Zayn reaches over and squeezes Louis’ hand, stopping him from panicking. “I’ll call Liam and see if I can’t get him to answer. Pack for us both?”

And yeah, someone should probably warn Liam that his best friend and boyfriend are disappearing without a trace. While he packs he thinks of all the things he has to do, like rehearsal tonight, and his test tomorrow. None of it matters anymore, though. None of it could even compare to how important Harry is to him.

“Ready?” Zayn asks, shouldering one of the bags Louis has hastily packed.

Louis nods, noticing that Zayn’s eyes are wet with tears now too. Sniffling, he reaches over and grabs Zayn’s hand. “Yeah. Let’s go.”


	15. Chapter 14

_Harry:_

The sound of his front door opening is what gets Harry to finally lift his head up from the tile where he’s been laying ever since he got off the phone with Louis. He listens, hoping someone hasn’t chosen this time to rob him.

“Harry!” It’s Niall, and he sounds worried.

“I’m in here.” Harry calls back, coughing a bit and trying to get the tears out of his voice.

Footsteps come from down the hall. “Where is here?” Niall asks loudly. Harry just stays silent and listens to him walk into the bedroom and head for the door. He tries the handle, but of course the door is locked, so he then just starts jiggling it incessantly.

Harry groans. “I’m here, Ni.”

“Open the door.” Niall demands, but his voice still sounds worried.

“No, you can’t come in.”

Niall slams his hand against the door angrily, making Harry jump, but when he speaks his voice is soft and hurt. “Harry come on, please? I have to see that you’re okay, please just let me in.”

This is his best friend, the person that’s been through everything with him and stuck by him no matter what. He should let Niall in, he should tell him about what’s going on, but he can’t. Harry can’t sit there and watch his best friend realize that everything he thought was true isn’t. He can’t look into Niall’s eyes, see the hurt there, and be able to live with himself afterward.

“I’m okay now,” Harry sniffles. “I promise I’m fine, I just can’t see you right now.”

Niall is silent for a moment, and Harry almost thinks he’s left until he speaks again. “Why not?”

“Because I can’t. I don’t want you to see me.”

“But Louis can see you?” Niall spits.

And that hurts, it hurts so badly because it’s true. Out of everyone, Niall and Zayn should be the ones he trusts enough to get him through this, but he can’t. As much as he trusts them, he can’t disappoint them both like that. As soon as they see how disgusting he is, how truly awful he really is, they’ll leave.

Harry could live through losing Louis, he could never lose Niall and Zayn.

Niall slides down against the door and sits against it. “Fine. But don’t you think I’m leaving, not for a single fucking second.”

There’s a small gap between the door and the floor, so Harry reaches forward and slides his hand under it. In no time, a smaller hand comes to rest on top of it. He smiles and leans his cheek against the door, saying nothing.

Minutes pass, and the two boys continue to sit in silence together. The minutes soon turn to hours, and before Harry knows it he’s quietly falling asleep against the door. A buzzing from Niall’s side of the door wakes him back up.

“They’ll be here in a half hour,” Niall says quietly. “Are you sure you won’t come out?”

“I can’t Ni,” Harry whispers, new tears forming. “M’sorry.”

Niall sighs. “Can you at least tell me what’s going on? Zayn sounded scared on the phone.”

Harry winces, because Zayn’s never scared he’s _Zayn_ , and then shakes his head. “I’m okay, I promise,” he then looks down at his fingers and smiles. “Is Lily out there?”

It gets a laugh out of Niall. “You’re worried about your cat? Honestly?”

“She’s not a cat, she’s a furry child.” Harry giggles.

“If you ever say that again, Harry Styles, I swear to god.”

Harry wipes at his nose and grins. “Love you, Nialler.”

“Love you too, idiot.” Niall sighs back.

They lapse back into quiet, but Harry’s mind is anything but. His thoughts are racing, remembering every time he ever made an excuse not to eat, every time he ever lied about taking a shower after dinner just to get rid of the food he shoveled into his mouth so easily. It’s more times than he can count, more times than he’d care to admit to anyone.

Harry closes his eyes and remembers back to the day he won X-Factor, the day his life changed forever. He remembers the advice, the congratulations, but most of all he remembers the words whispered into his ear at the last minute.

_It’s all downhill from here, kid._

“What do you think woulda happened?” Harry asks quietly. “If I never won, I mean. Do you think I’d be happier?”

Niall doesn’t answer right away, just squeezes Harry’s fingers as best he can from the awkward angle. Finally, he says, “Honestly? I don’t think you could ever be happy not doing what you love.

“But I’m not doing what I love. Not anymore.” Harry whispers, almost afraid to admit it to himself.

Niall hums softly in understanding. “Well that’s the problem, then. You have to find a way out of this Harry, a way to find new management, something. You can make this better Harry, if you try I know you can.”

Deep down, very deep down, there’s a still a part of Harry that despite it all is hopeful for the future. Even after everything he’s been through, even after what’s happened just today, he still falls asleep every night dreaming of a future where he’s allowed to be happy and just who he is. Granted, in this future he’s absolutely perfect looking and selling out stadiums, but it’s a dream leave him be.

“You’re my best friend Niall.” He murmurs.

“You’re mine too,” Niall whispers back. “I’m always here for you, y’know?”

Harry leans back against the door and smiles. “Yeah. I know.”

 

* * *

 

_Louis:_

Louis drums his fingers on the steering wheel, trying to keep his eyes ahead and on the road, instead of Zayn, who is mournfully out the window and really just making Louis feel a million times worse than he already does. Which is quite a lot.

“What did he sound like,” Zayn asks, his voice strangely quiet. “On the phone, I mean.”

Louis sighs, not really wanting to relive that phone call. “He was crying and um, he just sounded sad. And scared, really scared.”

Zayn makes a sad sounding noise and leans his head back on against the window. “It’s all my fault, he says, mournfully. “I should’ve called him more often. I knew something was wrong, I could just tell.”

“Babe, don’t blame yourself. I get the feeling that whatever is going on, it’s been going on for a while and he just hasn’t told anyone.”

Zayn nods and then looks down at his phone, which he’s been practically attached to since they left. “Niall says he’s locked up in the bathroom and won’t come out. I don’t understand, Lou.” He sounds desperate for an answer, any sort of answer, but Louis doesn’t have one for him.

“I don’t understand it either, Z. I’m sorry.”

Sighing, Zayn just nods and looks back out the window.

He stays that way for the rest of the ride, before Louis demands he stop sulking and direct him to where Harry lives. Louis isn’t sure what he was expecting, but the posh looking building smack dab in the center of London certainly wasn’t it. His jaw just about drops, but he quickly stops and follows Zayn in, trying to look like he knows what he’s doing.

He has no fucking clue what he’s doing.

They walk into a sparsely furnitured apartment and Louis is a bit surprised. It looks like a museum more than a home, the only sign of life coming from the television that’s been left on and a light coming from the end of the hallway. Zayn heads that way and the two walk into a massive bedroom holding a giant unmade bed and large windows lining the window.

There’s also a blond boy sat on the floor holding a fluffy kitten in his arms.

“Please tell me that’s Niall.”

The blond boy looks up, and then frowns at Louis. “Who else would I be?”

Louis shrugs and walks into the room fully, taking a look around. “I dunno, maybe some blond creep who sneaks into celebrities houses and steals their cats.”

“Louis,” Zayn sighs.

Niall smiles and stands up, still holding the sleeping cat. “Harry, I like your boyfriend!” He calls, turning around to yell at the door.

“Not his boyfriend.” Louis mumbles, but nobody listens as usual.

“Lou?” Harry’s voice floats through the door, and it’s so tearful and sad that all Louis can do is rush forward and try the door handle. It doesn’t open, of course, but the shadow under the door does move. The lock clicks and Louis tries again, this time letting the door crack open slightly.

He turns back to Niall and Zayn, giving them a short smile, before walking into the bathroom. It’s larger than any bathroom he’s ever seen, certainly larger than the communal bathroom he shared last year in uni, and Harry looks tiny standing in the center of it.

“Is this all really necessary?” Louis asks, walking in and shutting the door behind him.

Harry pulls his jumper over his hands and tilts his head in question. “Is what necessary?”

“This bathroom,” Louis says, moving to sit on top of the large counter that holds two sinks. Two. Harry is one person, why does he need two sinks.

Harry smiles, which looks a bit off considering his eyes are still wet with tears, but it’s nice to see. “I missed you.” He says, his voice croaky with tears.

“I missed you too.” Louis says back, softer this time. He reaches his arms out, expecting Harry to come forward and collapse into them like he does. Harry doesn’t though, instead just shakes his head and backs up against the wall, arms wrapping tightly around his stomach. Louis frowns and slips off the counter, taking a careful step forward.

“Baby?”

Harry shakes his head again. “You can’t touch me,” he murmurs. “Please don’t, Lou.”

“Harry, why?”

“Because I’m disgusting,” he spits. “I’m absolutely gross, Lou, I know it I saw the pictures.”

Louis frowns, his stomach churning at the thought of Harry thinking any of that is true. “What pictures?”

“The pap ones in the papers,” he says. “My manager showed them to me and I-I know it’s true now. How gross I am.”

Harry, I don’t understand,” Louis says softly. “When you called me-”

“I went to see um, Kara. She’s my, my-”

“Manager?” Louis guesses, finishing for the boy who’s now shaking and crying so hard he can hardly speak.

Harry nods, breathing out slowly. “Yeah, and I got in trouble because there were some…people, who said mean things? About me, I mean. About how I look, and how I’m fat, and I know I am, but she got really mad and I walked out on her. And then I came home and I…” he trails off, eyes drifting from Louis, to the toilet.

It hits Louis like a fucking wrecking ball. He breathes out slowly, and covers his face with his hands, trying to breathe and not explode like he wants to. “Harry you-fuck. Fuck, Harry,” he pulls his hands away from his face and locks eyes with the other boy. “How long.”

“This was the first time.”

But it wasn’t the first time, and Louis knows it because all the pieces are coming together and it makes sense now. “How long?” He asks again.

Harry breathes in and out slowly, and then looks away. “Um, a few years?” he admits, and when he sees Louis’ face he quickly adds, “But it’s not usually this bad, honestly. It’s just a diet.”

“A _diet_ -Harry.” Louis swears under his breath and tries to remember how to breathe again. “This is, this is the first time there’s been any blood though, right?” He feels ridiculous asking the question, like this is at all normal. None of this is normal, none of this is okay. Harry is not okay.

Harry nods to Louis’ question. “I’m really scared Lou.” He admits, and the moment his voice cracks, Louis steps forward and takes him into his arms. Harry practically collapses and Louis lets them slide to the floor. Once there, he kisses Harry’s face, every inch of it.

“Love, we have to call your mum,” Louis whispers. “You can’t just ignore this.”

At that, Harry whimpers. “She’ll be angry, she won’t understand. It’s just a diet, I swear Louis, I swear it is.”

“She won’t be angry with you, I promise. All she wants to do is help you.”

Harry turns his head against Louis’ collarbone, pressing it there. “I lied to her, I’ve been lying to everyone for so long. They just wouldn’t understand it, it’s just a diet.”

“Baby, you aren’t eating, and what you are eating you aren’t digesting,” Louis whispers softly. “That isn’t a diet, that’s an eating disorder.”

As soon as the words fall from Louis’ mouth, Harry lets out a loud sob. “Don’t say that,” he pleads. “Please, don’t say that.”

“I’m so sorry Harry, I am,” Louis sighs, petting the boy’s curly hair. “You can get better, you know that? It’ll be so hard, but I know you can do it Haz.”

“I can’t, Lou, I can’t-”

“Yes you _can_ ,” Louis whispers to him. “You can because I have never met anyone like you before, Harry. You are stronger than anyone I have ever met.”

Harry holds on tightly to Louis’ shirt and sniffles heavily. “Okay,” he says, after a few moments of silence. “I have to call her.”

Louis holds Harry while he shakily reaches into his pocket for his phone, fishing it out.

“You can do it, baby,” Louis whispers his encouragement.

Harry nods and holds the phone up to his ear, breaking into tears almost as soon as his mother answers. “Harry?” she asks, sounding frantic. “Harry, what’s wrong.”

Unable to speak, Harry just pushes the phone to Louis. The older boy stares with wide eyes for a moment, before taking it and cautiously saying, “Hello?”

“Who is this?” Harry’s mother almost growls, sounding like an angry mama bear about to bite Louis’ head off. “What happened to Harry?”

“Um, well this is Louis. I don’t know if you know me-”

“Harry’s Louis?” She asks, softer this time.

Louis nods. “I think so, yeah. Harry can’t talk right now, but he really needs you to come and see him.”

“Why? What’s wrong with him, is he sick? Hurt?”

Louis looks down at Harry, who just shakes his head and continues to cry against Louis’ chest. “Sick,” Louis decides. “He’s sick and he really needs you here right now. I mean, I’m here and so are Zayn and Niall, but he really just needs you.”

She’s silent for a moment. “I’ll be there tomorrow, first thing,” she says, finally. “You’ll take care of him until then?”

“Yeah, Niall and Z-”

“No, _you_ Louis,” she interrupts him. “Harry really does like you and it must be for a good reason. Will you take care of him?”

And he realizes, like an idiot, that she doesn’t mean just take care of him now. “Of course. Yeah, always, I promise.”

It sounds like she’s smiling when she speaks again, and that alone makes Louis smile. “Good, now give the phone back to Harry.”

Louis does so and listens as Harry says his tearful goodbye.

“Thank you,” he whispers, once he’s hung up. “I’m sorry.”

“Baby, don’t be,” Louis murmurs. “I understand. Now come on, get up off the floor let’s go see what the boys are up to.”

Walking out of the bathroom and into the empty bedroom is a bit of a shock, because it’s dark out. Also, Zayn and Niall are nowhere to be found. Harry wipes at his nose and smiles slightly when he spies the little white fuzzball sleeping in the center of his bed.

“Lily,” he whispers, walking over to the bed and scooping the cat into his arms. “Who’s gonna take care of you now, huh? Now that your dad’s lost his mind.”

“Harry.” Louis sighs.

Harry looks up and kisses the top of the cat’s head. “Come on.” He whispers, tilting his head towards the door. Louis follows him out, smiling when he sees both Zayn and Niall asleep in awkward positions on the couches. Harry laughs quietly and smiles at Louis.

“They’re idiots.”

“Sadly, they’re our idiots.” Louis says, smiling back.

Harry turns to go back to his room, but Louis stops him with a hand on his arm. As much as he knows this is going to cause a problem, he has to ask. “Did you eat today?”

Green eyes flicker over to the kitchen, and Louis follows them. To his surprise, there are empty take out boxes laying everywhere. It hits him then what Harry must’ve done and he almost cries at the thought. Knowing what happened, Louis marches over and looks around.

“What are you doing?” Harry asks.

“You’re eating something,” Louis announces. “Toast, actually, because the chances of me finding anything else here for you to eat are little to none.”

Harry chews on his lip and watches as Louis finds the toaster and shoves the last two pieces of bred in it, tapping his foot impatiently while he waits. Harry stays quiet and only pets at the Lily’s fur, obviously trying to keep his eyes away from Louis.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asks.

“You’re mad at me.” Harry blurts out.

Louis’ eyebrows furrow. “No, love why would you think that?”

Harry’s eyes are glassy with tears as he shrugs and sniffs them away. “Because you’re making me eat, and you’re just angry I can tell. You’re ashamed of me.”

Hearing him say it breaks Louis’ heart, so he walks forward and wraps his arms around Harry’s middle as best he can without disturbing the cat. “I’m not mad at you, not even a little bit,” he promises. “I want you to eat because you need to, I am not ashamed of you. I am absolutely in love with you.”

It slips out, and Louis’ almost breaks down and slides away. He wasn’t supposed to say that, not yet, and definitely not now. Not while Harry’s so vulnerable. Louis is an absolute jack ass.

“I love you too,” Harry whispers. “I’m so in love with you, Louis Tomlinson. Look at me, please.”

Louis looks up and is immediately pulled into a kiss. Louis grins against Harry’s lips and returns the kiss wholeheartedly. When they pull back, Harry is grinning and the cat in the crook of his arm is meowing almost angrily.

“She doesn’t like me,” Louis sighs, making a face at the cat. “What are we gonna do about it?”

“Nothing,” Harry laughs, pecking Louis on the lips. “It doesn’t matter because I’m in love with you. Nothing else matters.”

Louis smiles finally and squeezes Harry’s hand. “Except the toast.”

Harry groans and lets his forehead come to rest on Louis’ own. “I’ll eat the toast. For you.”

“Thank you,” Louis sighs. “I love you.”

Harry smiles. “I love you too.”


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so late but school has been kicking my ass lately. Hope you enjoy :)

_Harry:_

When he wakes up the next morning, Harry assumes he’s still dreaming. Louis looks too angelic to be real, laying wrapped in Harry’s arms and sleeping softly. Harry closes his eyes and opens them again, smiling when nothing changes. Louis is still there, back pressed to Harry’s, eyelashes dusting the tops of his cheeks, and a small petulant frown on his lips. A cough from the other side of the room stops him from continuing to stare until he dies.

Niall is standing in the doorway, watching the both of them. “Alright?” He asks, quietly so as not to wake Louis.

Harry nods and kisses the back of Louis’ head softly before sitting up as best he can without disturbing the smaller boy. “Yeah, you?”

“Yeah, not so sure I believe that though.” Niall says, leaning against the door jam.

Harry frowns and wipes at his blurry eyes. It’s far too early in the morning for this conversation. “Ni, I’m okay.”

There’s an awkward silence, and then Niall blurts out, “We heard you.”

“What?”

He takes a deep breath and continues. “Zayn and I both, we um, we heard some of what you said to Louis last night.”

Harry sighs and drops back down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. It feels like everything is crashing down around him and he’s powerless to stop it. Every wall he’s built up, every lie he’s ever told, all the hiding and the secrecy-all of it was for nothing. Soon enough his mother will know and then Gemma will know, and if they have their way he’ll end up in a hospital somewhere and _everyone_ will know.

He wishes giving up on everything was an option.

“Harry?”

Louis’ soft voice breaks through his thinking and Harry’s head snaps up. Looking sleepy and adorable, Louis is laying across the bed with his chin resting on Harry’s chest. His vibrant blue eyes are searching the younger boy’s face curiously, as if searching for something there.

Niall’s still in the doorway watching, which makes Harry blush a deep red. Seeing it, Louis grins.

“Good morning,” he chuckles. “Niall is trying to talk to you, you zoned out baby.”

“Or passed out.” Niall mutters.

Louis frowns at that, and glances back at the other boy. “That isn’t helping.” He says.

“Sorry, are you the expert now?” Niall challenges. “You know, just because he told you and not us doesn’t mean-”

“Ni,” Harry sighs, interrupting the ranting. “Just wait, okay? We’ll talk.”

Niall bites at his lip and looks down at his crossed arms for a moment before answering. “Fine,” he mutters. “Sorry Louis, I’m just…” He trails off, obviously unable to put his feelings into words.

Louis just smiles and nods. “It’s fine, I promise,” With that, he sits up and leans down to give Harry a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll go, yeah? I’ll wake up Zayn and make breakfast and all that. Proper housewife.”

Harry laughs. “Okay. Careful with Zayn, though.”

Rolling his eyes, Louis sits all the way up and shakes his head. “Who do you think wakes his lazy ass up for class every day, Liam? I should be his boyfriend honestly.”

“Then what would I do?” Harry asks.

“Date Niall.” Louis deadpans, pushing himself off the bed.

Niall barks out a laugh and watches as Louis walks past, wearing just boxers and one of Harry’s shirts, shouting Zayn’s name on his way out to the living room. Lily gets up from the bottom of the bed and follows him out, apparently deciding she doesn’t completely hate him.

“He’s really not that bad.” Niall admits, once Louis’s gone.

Harry smiles. “Just admit it, you approve.”

“Not yet.” Niall says, but he’s smiling back so Harry knows it’s a lie.

Zayn comes stumbling in minutes later, looking angry and tired like he does every morning. “Asshole.” He mumbles, glancing back out into the hallway.

“We need to talk.” Niall says, and Zayn’s expression softens.

As the three sit down on the bed, Harry’s heart begins to beat faster and faster. By the time he speaks, he’s sure everyone can hear just how nervous he is to have this conversation. It makes him wonder how bad it’ll be trying to talk to his mum later on.

“How much did you hear?” Harry asks.

“Enough.” Zayn murmurs, looking upset as he remembers it.

Harry takes a deep breath and nods. “Then I guess you want to know everything, huh?” He mutters, mostly to himself.

The other two nod and Harry launches into his story. He tries not to cry but it’s so hard to do when his two best friends are watching him like that, waiting for an answer, for a reason why. Harry doesn’t have all the answers though, he wishes he did, he wishes he could explain why he never stopped, why he still can’t stop. He wishes he knew why he hates himself so much that this is the only possible solution in his mind.

By the time he’s finished, all three of them have tears in their eyes. Zayn has to look away just to compose himself while Niall keeps watching Harry in disbelief. Harry stays still in disgrace and waits for them to scold him or leave. But they don’t.

Niall hugs him so tightly he can hardly breathe, and Zayn soon joins in whispering comforting words. Harry sobs between them and leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder, trying to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He murmurs, over and over again.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Niall asks when he pulls away. “Harry, we could’ve prevented all of this, why didn’t you just talk to us?”

Harry shakes his head. “I never thought you’d understand, you’re both perfect you don’t worry about those sort of things. And I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want you to leave.”

“Harry we aren’t leaving,” Zayn says matter-of-factly. “No matter what happens, we’re brothers. You aren’t going to be able to get rid of us that easily.”

Despite everything, Harry smiles. “Thanks,” he whispers.

“Is that why you told Louis,” Niall wonders. “Because you were scared to tell us? You were scared we’d leave?”

Harry shrugs. “I can’t lose you. Either of you.”

“No one’s going anywhere.” Zayn says, eyes serious and practically daring either of the boys to disagree. They don’t of course.

“You’re not mad, then?” Harry asks.

Both boys shake their heads, and Zayn sighs. “We aren’t mad, babe, okay? We just want to get you the help you need. And you do need help, don’t try and say you don’t.”

Harry just nods and stays quiet. He doesn’t want help, in his head he knows he can get through this alone. Everyone else is just overreacting.

“Come on,” Zayn says, interrupting the silence. “We better go and make sure Louis isn’t burning down the kitchen. The most he knows how to do is use a microwave, and I don’t hear it so.”

Niall laughs and the two of them walk out of the room, leaving Harry to follow slowly.

In the kitchen, Louis has his phone hooked up to the dock Harry has on the counter and he’s singing along quite loudly to a song Harry doesn’t recognize. Lily is sitting next to the sink, watching him dance around wildly and twitching her tail every now and then.

Harry has never been so in love in his life.

“I thought there was going to be food.” Zayn announces.

Louis yelps and spins around, glaring at the three of them. “Don’t sneak up on me assholes, I’m practicing,” he scolds them. “And I ordered the food, there’s nothing here.”

“Are you going to dance like that in the musical?” Zayn wonders.

Still glaring at them, Louis turns the music off. “Fuck off.”

Harry laughs and Louis beams up at him, skipping over and wrapping his arms around Harry’s mid-section. “How did it go?” He asks quietly while Zayn and Niall make their way back to the living room.

Kissing the top of the boy’s head, Harry sighs. “It was better than I expected.”

“Good,” Louis says, smiling. “I told you it’d be okay.”

The two of them settle out on the couches beside Zayn and Niall, cuddling close together and listening to Niall tell them stories about Allison, who he’s finally caved in and asked out a few days ago before she left for tour. He stops halfway through a speech about the evils of skype and laughs.

“We’re all dating someone,” he says. “Weird, innit?”

Zayn grins at that. “You’re with a famous person, definitely weird.”

“You’re best friends with a famous person.” Harry points out.

Niall rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re not famous, you’re Harry.”

It’s so nice to hear that Harry cracks a smile. When Louis squeezes his hand, his smile grows and he realizes he’d be okay like this forever.

 

* * *

 

 

_Louis:_

Harry’s mum is beautiful just like her son, but she’s also terrifying, nothing like her son.

“Where is he?” She asks as soon as she walks in the door of the apartment.

Zayn, who volunteered to answer the door when she started knocking only seconds ago, points back to the couch where Harry is still sitting with his head on Louis’ shoulder. He lifts it up and makes a pained face when he sees it’s his mother standing there.

“Harry,” she sighs, hurrying over. “Baby, why aren’t you in bed?”

“Mum,” he stutters back. “I’m not-I’m not sick.”

Harry’s mother slowly pulls her hand from where she has it pressed to her son’s forehead, and frowns. Her eyes drift to Louis, who’s watching the scene with a nervous expression.

“Louis,” she says, plainly. “You told me he was sick.”

“Hi, uh…Mrs. Harry’s Mum-”

“Anne,” Harry supplies in a whisper.

Louis smiles and nods. “Anne. Hi, please don’t hurt me but-”

“You told me he was sick, that’s why I hurried down here.” She says again.

Harry groans and shakes his head. “Mum, please don’t scare him off. I’ll explain everything.”

“You’d better,” she sighs, before looking around the messy room. “Well, Louis, it’s lovely to meet you.”

Louis nods back and smiles. “You too, so long as you’re not mad at me.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “She won’t be,” he says, and then he whispers, “She’ll only be mad at me.”

When Louis hears it, he frowns and reaches for Harry’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Hey, no,” he whispers back, ignoring the confused looks from everyone else in the room and just focusing on Harry. “Baby, she isn’t going to be mad at you.”

Sniffling, Harry looks back up with tears in his eyes. “Promise?” He asks, sounding scared and almost childlike.”

“Promise.”

“Will you come with me?” Harry asks, quietly.

Louis bites at his lip, and then reluctantly shakes his head. “Babe, I can’t. This is between you and your mum, not me.”

Harry nods and then leans forward to rest his head on Louis’ shoulder again. “I’m scared.” He whispers.

The way he says it causes Louis to have to close his eyes and try to breathe, because he can hear just how scared Harry truly is. He can’t even imagine if he had to explain something like this to his mother, he’d probably be sobbing. A part of him is itching to go with Harry, hold him while he explains everything to his mother, but he knows he can’t. This has to be something Harry does on his own.

“Okay,” Harry says, sitting all the way up again and wiping at his eyes. “Mum, we need to talk.”

Anne looks a bit surprised, but agrees and the two soon disappear back into Harry’s room, leaving the other three alone. They’re silent for a moment, and then Niall clears his throat.

“You know if you hurt him, I’ll kill you, yeah?”

Louis smiles. “Yeah, I know.”

“Good.” Niall says.

Zayn just rolls his eyes and switches the television on. They all watch and pretend like they can’t clearly hear Anne crying in Harry’s room. It makes Louis’ heart hurt just thinking of what’s going on back there right now. He tries to focus on the movie Zayn’s picked out, but he can’t, all he can think about is Harry and his mum.

An hour or so later, Anne emerges from Harry’s room, eyes red and cheeks streaked with tears. She heads right for Louis, and when he stands up to make sure she’s okay, she envelopes him in a hug.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

And even though he has no clue what she means, Louis just nods and hugs her back. When she finally pulls back, lip still quivering, she points back to Harry’s bedroom.

“He wants to talk to you.”

Louis looks back to where the door is still ajar and slowly walks over. He can hear Anne being comforted by the other two boys, but as soon as he enters Harry’s room and shuts the door, there’s nothing else but Harry’s soft crying.

Harry’s lying face down on the bed, curled up slightly, and sobbing into the sheets. At his side is Lily, purring softly and pressing her head against his hands as if trying to make him feel better. Louis approaches the boy slowly and sits down next to his feet.

“Harry?”

Harry sniffles one last time and turns his head so he can see Louis. “Hi.” He croaks out.

Louis frowns. “Sweetheart.” He sighs, moving to lay down beside the other boy. They end up facing each other, Lily in between the two of them, watching them both from where she’s laying next to Harry’s legs.

“I told her.” Harry murmurs.

“How’d it go?”

Shrugging, Harry pulls his jumper sleeves over his hands and wipes at his eyes with them. “Okay? I think? She cried a lot which I expected but you were right, she wasn’t mad. I think she was just like, blaming herself which I didn’t want. She kept asking me how she didn’t notice and I couldn’t answer her because I hid it on purpose, yeah?”

Louis nods and reaches forward to tuck a curl behind Harry’s ear. “You did hide it well. None of us noticed, Haz, I suppose we’re all blaming ourselves in one way or another.”

“But I didn’t want that,” he cries. “I didn’t want you all to think it’s your fault for not noticing, it’s not. I spent so much of my time making sure I seemed as normal as possible.”

“You can’t stop us from feeling like that Harry, no matter what we would have. I love you, they all love you, and we want you to be safe and happy and we failed to notice you weren’t. There’s nothing you could say or do that would take that away, I’m sorry.”

Harry just nods and closes his eyes. “She said there might’ve been blood because I scratched my throat when I was…” he trails off, and Louis just nods, understanding.

“What else?” Louis asks, waiting for what he knows is coming.

Slowly, Harry’s eyes open again, new tears welling up in his eyes. “She wants me to postpone my tour and go to rehab. She says if I don’t I’m only going to get worse, and I tried telling her it’s not that bad but-she just doesn’t listen to me, Louis.”

Louis wants to agree with Harry, wants to tell him that he shouldn’t have to go anywhere to get better, but he can’t lie like that. Harry’s sick, and the only way for him to get better is to either go somewhere or spend time getting better. It would be easier for him, though, to go to rehab. He needs somewhere where he isn’t being pressured by paps or his management. He needs a break.

“You think I should go.” Harry says, sounding betrayed.

Louis sighs, reaching for Harry’s hand and bringing it up to his mouth. “Babe, listen okay? You need help, we both know that this isn’t normal. It’s not just a diet, it never was. I know you’ll hate me for telling you this, but there is no way in hell you can handle this on your own. No one could, Haz, everyone needs a little help now and then.”

Harry frowns. “But not everyone needs to go to fucking rehab.” He snaps.

Louis shrugs. “Not everyone is an international superstar who can’t walk out his door without being hounded by fans and paparazzi.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not is it?” Louis sighs. “All I’m saying is that it’s your choice. No one can make you do anything, no matter how much we wish we could. This is your decision in the end, but I know you Harry, I know that you know you need help. I know you’ll make the right choice.”

Harry bites his shaking lip and swears, ducking his head and looking away. They sit there in quiet with Louis still breathing softly against Harry’s hand, and Harry crying almost silently. Louis leans forward and kisses Harry’s forehead, before taking the boy into his arms.

“I don’t want to be like this forever,” Harry cries against Louis’ shoulder. “Louis, I don’t want to hate myself forever, I can’t live like this.”

“And you don’t have to,” Louis promises him. “You can get better, I promise. We’ll make sure you get better Harry, I’m not giving up on you. Your mum, your sister, Zayn, Niall, Allison, all of us. We are never giving up on you.”

Harry nods against Louis’ shoulder. “Thank you,” he sniffles. “God, I love you Louis. I love you so much, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too, completely,” Louis whispers back. “You can do this Harry, I know you can.”

Harry lays there for a little while longer, catching his breath and calming himself down. Finally, he pulls away and nods a few times. “I’ll go,” he says, voice still thick with tears. “If that’s what’s going to make me better, I’ll go.”

Louis smiles and kisses him softly. “You’re so brave, Harry. I love you.”

Smiling under the praise, Harry tucks his face back against Louis’ neck and nods. “I love you.”


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 400 kudos, thank you guys so much that's insane xx

_Harry:_

 

Harry takes one last look around the bland grey-ish walls that have been his home for the past two months and smiles. He’s so excited to be leaving it feels like he might actually explode. Others however, aren’t so happy.

“How do we know you aren’t just going to disappear into super stardom and forget all about us?”

Rolling his eyes, Harry zips up his duffel bag and throws it over his shoulder, taking a look at the sad faces of his two friends who are sat on his bed like they’re trying to stop him from going.

“Trust me, I need all the friends I can get.” Harry says, smiling.

Alexis and Jaden both give him unimpressed looks. “You have friends,” Alexis says sarcastically. “Friends who set you up with girls and talk about you to papers behind your back.”

“What happens in group stays in group!” Harry scolds her.

Jaden laughs and knocks his shoulder against Alexis’. “You’re a shit.” He tells her.

Alexis just rolls her eyes and falls back on the bed, staring up. “Fine, you can leave,” she decides. “But I want those backstage tickets you promised me.”

“As soon as you’re out.” Harry promises.

Alexis grins, she’ll be out before Jaden in two weeks while he still has another month or so left. All three have vowed not to lose contact though, and Harry fully intends to keep his promises. He hasn’t made such good friends since he met Allison.

“Styles, your ride is here.” A voice from behind the door calls.

Harry sighs and turns back to face his two friends who are frowning and looking generally miserable. He laughs. “Guys, come on, it’s not forever. You both live in London it’ll be fine.”

Jaden jumps up first, giving Harry a gigantic hug. “You better call.” He mutters. Harry just smiles and promises he will.

Alexis is next and she drags the hug out so long that there’s another knock at the door, calling him out. “Okay,” Alexis calls, sighing. “Fine, you can go. Two weeks Styles.” She holds out her pinky.

Harry grins and tugs on it with his own. “Two weeks.”

Leaving the facility is a lot sadder than Harry expected it would be when he first arrived. He hated it here, hated the small bedroom they put him in, hated having to eat three meals every day, hated the group therapy almost as much as the one on one, hated the way people stared and whispered about him. Now it’s a safe place where his friends are, where his therapist is that always seems to have an answer for everything, where he knows for sure he won’t relapse.

That’s what scares him the most.

Waiting outside in a car pulled up to the front door are Allison and Gemma. As soon as Harry steps out the door for hopefully the last time, Allison jumps out of the car and runs up to him. She practically tackles him, squealing and throwing her arms around his neck so she can hug him as tightly as possible.

It’s been exactly two months since he entered the rehab that’s quite literally in the middle of nowhere, and it’s been little longer than that since he’s seen Allison. While his mother, Gemma, the boys, and of course Louis have been here to visit almost every weekend, Allison has been relying on the occasional phone call from across the ocean. She promised though, as soon as she found out that her two week break coincided with him getting out, she promised she’d be here. And she is.

“God H, look at you,” she says, tears welling up behind her sunglasses. “You look so much better.”

Harry smiles proudly and lets her run her smaller hands over his arms. “Do I look that different?” He laughs.

“You look healthy.” Gemma says, her voice cracking slightly as she comes walking up with her arms crossed over her stomach. Allison backs away and lets Gemma come up and fall against him with a sigh.

“I’m so proud of you.” She whispers.

“I’m sorta proud of me too.” Harry murmurs back, kissing the top of her head and letting her squeeze the life out of him.

When they separate, Allison claps her hands together and grins. “Operation True Love is go.”

Harry rolls his eyes but follows both girls to the car anyway, giving the center one final glance back. The scared boy who walked through those doors two months ago flanked by his mother and his boyfriend is so much different than the boy leaving now. Maybe at first he thought it was all pretty stupid, the snack time and the lectures sort of made him feel like a child in school again, but now he knows just how wrong he was. He needed help, as much as he hated to admit it, it was never just a diet he was on. Sure he’s not completely perfect now, he never will be, but he’s so much better than he used to be.

And he can’t wait to go back to work.

“So, did you make any friends?” Allison asks once Gemma pulls out of the parking lot and starts their long drive.

Harry laughs and shrugs. “You could say that.”

 

* * *

 

 

_Louis:_

“You’ll be fine, Lou,” Eleanor reassures him for about the millionth time since he started his worrying almost an hour ago. He’s in costume now though, there’s no going back, no calling for an overeager understudy, no fake puking or fainting his way out of this. They have ten more minutes until the show starts and he is royally fucked.

Just as he’s going to ask whether or not Eleanor would be willing to break his arm, he hears loud laughter and squeals coming from backstage. He looks up at Eleanor who shrugs back. Louis decides to investigate and walks out of the dressing room, Eleanor in tow, off to find the source of all the noise. They find it in a group of girls huddled behind the curtain peeking out, all in costume, and all making various noises and whispering to one another.

“It can’t _really_ be them.” One whispers.

Another gasps. “I thought they broke up!”

“Who are they with?”

Louis tries to see around them, but fails. “What are you doing?” He asks finally.

The girls squeal again and turn around all at once, shaking the curtain which will surely piss someone off. Upon seeing it’s just Louis, the tallest of the girls laughs and points back behind her. “My sister is sitting out there and she called me, you’ll never guess who’s here.”

“Who?” Eleanor asks while Louis wedges his way between them all and peeks through the curtain, trying to see in the dim light. He squints his eyes a bit and finally lands on the third row where Liam and Zayn are sat. However the seats next to them are no longer empty as they were the last time Louis peeked out there

The girl laughs. “Harry-”

“Goddamn Styles.” Louis finishes for her in a growl. Harry’s not supposed to be out until this weekend, Louis knows that for a fact. He even took a day off work just so he’d be able to go down with Anne to get him and bring him home.

Eleanor gasps and squeezes her way in next to Louis, looking out. “Holy _shit_ Lou,” she says once she sees the boy sitting calmly in his seat while everyone around him whispers. “Allison’s here too. Who’s the other girl?”

“Gemma,” Louis says, narrowing his eyes at the girl who has become like another sister to him over the past two months of meeting up to visit with Harry. “I bet it was her idea too, those goddamn _Styles_.”

“Wait, do you know him? Is that why he’s here?” One of the girls asks in disbelief.

Louis sighs and pulls away from the curtain. “You could say that.”

“Then do you know where he’s been?” Another asks in delight at the thought of gossip. “I was supposed to go to one of his concerts but-”

“It’s none of your business.” Louis says, walking away.

Part of him is angry, why would Harry do this to himself? After months of seeing nothing but the same people over and over again, why would he put himself into this position where people will be no doubt all over him asking for pictures and his autograph? He needs time to adjust, time to get used to the hoards of people who follow him around everyday.

And then there’s the other part of him that’s so happy Harry will be here to see his opening night that he can do nothing but smile like an idiot while he finishes getting ready to go on.

Louis makes it through the show with minimal disaster. The entire time, his eyes keep drifting off to Harry in the audience, who’s grinning like a maniac and clapping the loudest out of everyone. It leads to Louis smiling too in the worst situations, like when he’s supposed to be upset or frowning. Other than that, the show goes off without a hitch and by curtain call Louis’s full to burst with happiness.

“No one died!” He crows on his way to the dressing room. “El, no one died and I didn’t puke.”

Eleanor laughs. She’s about to say something when she suddenly stops and stares in front of them. There, standing awkwardly in the middle of the dressing room with a giant bouquet of roses is Harry. A small crowd gathers around the doorway with Louis in the front of it, staring in disbelief.

“H-How did you get back here?” Louis asks, ignoring the whispering from behind him.

Harry shrugs and holds out the roses. “Hi,” he breathes. “Someone uh, let me in? I just wanted to tell you you were really great.”

Louis nods a few times, and then suddenly runs and jumps at Harry, letting the younger boy laugh and spin him around once.

“Can I kiss you?” Louis whispers in his ear. As soon as Harry nods, he does. Behind them, people gaps and shout things, but Louis doesn’t care. He has to kiss his boy enough to make up for two months of just hugs in front of people who didn’t know about them, and he’s going to do it even if it’s in front of a bunch of nosy twenty somethings.

“I love you,” Harry whispers to him once they separate.

Louis grins and looks down at the now mostly crushed flowers between them. “Hazza, look what you’ve done.” He scolds.

Harry pouts and brushes his finger across one of the petals. “I bought them just for you,” he whines. “Oh well, I’ll just have to bring some more tomorrow.”

Louis’ head snaps up at that. “Tomorrow?”

Harry grins. “Did you think I just snuck out?” He laughs.

“I don’t-I didn’t- _Harry_ ,” he laughs, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck again and hugging him. “You asshole, I took the day off just to come and get you.”

“Well now we can spend it together.” Harry decides, kissing the place just behind Louis’ ear.

“You two might want to move this somewhere else.” Eleanor says. Louis turns and finds the crowd has just about doubled and now includes some of the crew. Harry laughs and presses one final kiss to Louis’ cheek.

“You change, I’ll handle it.” He says.

Louis raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

Harry grins, eyes lit up with excitement. “Really.” With that, he hands the roses over to Louis and disappears into the crowd of people, calling out to them that if they’re orderly he can get through everyone quickly. Eleanor watches the whole mass of people descending upon Louis’ boyfriend with wary eyes.

“I think I’m going to attempt to help.” She says, leaving Louis alone in the dressing room to change out of his costume.

After checking and rechecking his hair in the mirror, Louis walks back out to see the crowd has diminished to just a small line of people and the rest are off in the other dressing rooms, laughing and yelling like mad. Louis wanders off to a corner and waits patiently while Harry finishes, surprised to see that the younger boy doesn’t look a bit uncomfortable. In fact he looks happy and completely in his element, something that makes Louis smile.

“Okay,” Harry says, turning to face Louis once he’s taken his final picture. “I’m taking you out to dinner.”

Louis barks out a laugh, waving to Eleanor as she passes to get changed. “What?”

Harry nods and reaches over for Louis’ hands so he can kiss them. “Yes, dinner. With my boyfriend, to celebrate my freedom and just how amazing he is.”

“You’re just looking for trouble.” Louis chuckles, but he lets himself be dragged out the back entrance anyway.

Hands held tightly together, they make their way across the mostly deserted campus to Louis’ car. It takes much longer than it normally would though, because every few steps they stop to kiss. Harry giggles each time, turning bright red by the time they make it to the car while Louis just smiles proudly.

“Keys,” Harry demands, holding out his hand and waiting for Louis to provide them.

Louis laughs but fishes them out of his pocket, handing them over and climbing into the passenger side. “Do you have any idea where you’re going?” He asks while Harry adjusts the seat to fit his ridiculous legs.

Harry shrugs. “I have a vague idea, but if we get lost it’s all part of the adventure.”

“What did they do to my timid little Harry?” Louis teases.

Harry just grins and starts the car.

It takes them awhile to find it, but they finally arrive at a somewhat fancy Italian place downtown that Louis has never been to. He expects it to be bustling with people, it is Friday night after all, but when they walk inside it’s completely empty except for a smiling hostess. It takes Louis a minute to fully understand what’s happening.

“You bought out the entire place?” he whispers to a very proud looking Harry. “How?”

“Technically Gemma called and made all the arrangements,” Harry answers, smiling towards the stunned looking hostess who obviously wasn’t warned who was coming in tonight. “I just paid for it.”

“I fucking knew she was in on it.” Louis practically growls.

Harry laughs and tugs Louis by the hand to one of the booths. They sit down and Louis cautiously opens his menu, not so subtly watching Harry over the top of it. His stomach is swirling with nervousness. Harry notices him staring and rolls his eyes.

“Lou, you realize _why_ I was there so long don’t you?” He asks, still looking over his menu.

And of course Louis knows Harry is better than he was a few months ago, but it’s still a bit surreal to him that they’re going out for _dinner_ of all things. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe Harry still needs time to get used to being out-

“Babe,” Harry interrupts Louis’ inner rambling. “You have to stop worrying about me. This is your night.”

“Harry-”

“I’m hungry,” he says, putting the menu down and giving Louis his million watt smile. “I’m having pasta. What are you getting?”

Louis just stares at him for a moment, chewing his bottom lip and trying to quell the worry in his stomach. Finally he shrugs and picks out a chicken dish that sounds good enough. The waitress comes to take their order and as soon as she’s gone, Harry reaches over for Louis’ hand.

“I sort of came out today.” He says quietly, looking down at their intertwined fingers.

Louis tilts his head slightly and smiles. “Yeah, you sort of did. I’m so proud of you, baby.”

Harry smiles back and looks up. “I’m starting to become okay again,” he whispers. “I can’t remember the last time I felt this great. I’m excited, Lou.”

“And you should be, it’s exciting,” Louis whispers back. “You’re doing so well.”

Harry simply nods and stays quiet for a moment, before lifting his head. “Enough about me, let’s talk about you and how amazing you were tonight.”

Louis snorts. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Harry stops him by leaning across the table just to kiss the side of his mouth. He then proceeds to tell Louis every brilliant thing he did tonight, down to the final note he sang. By the time the food comes, Louis is blushing and trying to get the boy to stop but he won’t.

“You light up the stage, Lou, it’s amazing to watch honestly.” Harry says, stabbing a piece of Louis’ chicken and eating it like it’s nothing.

Louis rolls his eyes. “I need to keep you around more often, my ego could use the stroking.” He mutters.

Harry just smiles and continues eating his pasta.

After sharing dessert, they make their way back out to the car quietly content with one another. It’s the happiest Louis’s been in two months.

“I have another surprise for you.” Harry announces once they pull out of the parking lot and start the drive back.

Louis raises his eyebrows. “This wasn’t enough for you?”

Harry just smiles and keeps his eyes on the road, saying nothing for the rest of the ride despite Louis pestering him the entire time. He goes so far as to jump on his boyfriends back and ride piggy back up to his dorm room, pleading with the boy to give him some sort of information.

“Okay, Lou, okay,” Harry laughs, letting the older boy scramble down to his feet once they reach his room. “Ready for your surprise?”

Louis grins like a maniac and moves to open the door, waiting for something to happen. Nothing does though, and he’s faced with the sight of his empty and dark room. He frowns and opens his mouth to ask what the hell is going on, when Harry swoops down and covers his lips with his own.

Louis makes a muffled noise but melts into the other boy’s touch easily. “What is going on? Where are the boys?” He asks once Harry pushes them into the room and locks the door.

Harry grins, his teeth practically glowing in the dark of the room. “They’re spending the night in a hotel with Gemma and Allison.” He says mischievously.

Louis raises his eyebrows. “Harry-” He cuts off into a moan when Harry attaches his lips to the column of his neck, sucking a dark bruise into Louis’ skin.

“I want you to fuck me.” Harry growls against his neck.

Louis’ breath hitches. “That um-yeah, okay.”

Harry giggles. “Okay?”

“Shutup.” He laughs against Harry’s lips.

They soon find themselves on Louis’ small bed, shirts and trousers laying on the floor behind them, and Louis’ lips attached to one of Harry’s nipples while the younger boy moans beneath him.

“Tease.” He accuses breathlessly once Louis pulls away to admire his work. Harry’s chest is now completely covered in lovebites and his nipples are puffy and red from the attention. He smiles and shrugs.

“You love it.”

Harry reaches out and pulls him in by the back of his neck, crashing their lips together. Their teeth clack together but soon they fall into a rhythm of Louis rutting against the younger boy’s thigh while Harry stops the kissing to moan every few seconds. Louis finally has had enough and pulls away just to strip Harry of his boxers.

“Beautiful.” He murmurs, looking up at Harry under his eyelashes and slowly inching forward to take just the tip of Harry’s erection into his mouth.

Harry lets out the loudest moan of all, something that will probably have Louis’ floormates all complaining tomorrow. He smiles just at the thought and sits up again, pulling off his own boxers and tossing them away.

“Lou, please.” Harry whimpers.

Louis hushes him and pushes him by the shoulders so he’s laying flat on the bed. “It’s alright baby, just relax.” He can tell just by the way Harry’s eyes are flicking about that he’s nervous. He’s never done this before and Louis intends to be as gentle as possible.

After searching around in his dresser for a bit, he returns with lube and a condom to find Harry absentmindedly pulling at himself and whimpering. “You look so beautiful like this,” he whispers to the boy, lowering himself down onto the bed. “Should take pictures.”

Harry chuckles. “My management would be thrilled.”

“No management talk in bed.” Louis teases, swatting him on the bum. Harry yelps but laughs anyway.

Louis uncaps the lube and squirts some of it on his fingers before reaching down to the boy’s fluttering hole. He starts off with one finger and as soon as Harry’s comfortable moves up to two, then three. By the time Louis’s sliding the condom on, Harry’s whining and begging Louis to get on with it.

“Shh,” he coos to the younger boy, lining himself up. “Patience, love.”

Harry pouts but it soon turns into a moan when Louis carefully pushes in. The tight heat is incredible and he feels the heat already in his belly, but pushes it away. This is about Harry, all about Harry.

“Lou, Lou,” Harry whines, reaching around on the bed for purchase as Louis fills him completely. “So good, Lou.”

Louis smiles and gives a short little thrust that makes Harry throw his head back in pleasure. He goes slowly, knowing when the head of his cock brushes across the little bundle of nerves because Harry’s eyes snap open. He searches for Louis and his cry is muffled when Louis leans down and covers his mouth with his own.

“So well, you’re doing so well,” he praises his boy. “I love you Harry.”

“I love you,” Harry whispers back, repeating it like a mantra. “I love you, I love you.”

They reach their climaxes together, Louis holding Harry through it. They lay there for a moment, Louis going soft inside the boy and Harry’s chest rising and falling quickly. Louis finally pulls out carefully and ties the condom, throwing it away and climbing quickly back into bed.

“I love you so much,” Harry murmurs from where he’s snuggled close to Louis’ bare chest. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here.”

Louis smiles and looks up at the ceiling, tracing patterns across Harry’s skin. “I love you too, baby. Love you too.”

They fall asleep like that, naked with their legs intertwined and smiling. Louis is so in love it hurts.


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hello, yes I am alive and I am sorry for not getting this out earlier but up until now I've spent most of my days staring at a blank page with no ideas. I'm not sure what happened exactly but here's chapter 17 fresh out of scrivener.  
> I hope you enjoy and yes, this is the last chapter before the epilogue. Keep a look out for that :)

_Louis:_

 

Louis’s dreaming about his opening night on Broadway when a voice breaks through the crowd’s yelling and screaming for more.

“I know,” the voice says through the dark haze of Louis’ dream. “I understand that…well, if you looked like I did, you’d find that not that many people really minded. Any publicity is good publicity, right?”

Louis frowns as the crowd before him begins to dissipate. He’s cold, is the first thing that he realizes, even though for some reason the sheets are all bundled up next to him. He’s missing a certain warmth that’s supposed to be there. He’s missing Harry’s warmth.

Slowly and reluctantly, Louis opens his eyes and groans a bit. Early morning light is pouring through the slated blinds and he can make out a broad almost porcelain colored back turned to him. Without really thinking about it, he sits up and scoots himself forward, draping himself across Harry’s back and kissing the cold skin he finds there. Harry turns his head slightly and gives the boy a smile. Louis smiles right back until he hears a tinny voice and notices that theres a mobile pressed to the boy’s ear.

“Even if I had waited until the appropriate time, this still would’ve happened,” Harry replies. “I still would have had to face all the papers and the scrutiny. Why not just get it over with quicker?”

The voice on the other line goes mad, screeching about contracts and obligations. Louis makes a face and holds his hand out for the phone. Chuckling under his breath, Harry hands it over and Louis pushes it close to his ear.

“Hello.” He says, simply.

The woman stops ranting for a moment, before demanding, “Who’s this? Put Harry back on!”

“I’m sorry, but Harry is very busy and very naked right now, he can’t come to the phone.” Louis says, smiling when Harry starts chuckling.

“What? Let me talk to Harry-”

“Thank you for understanding, I’ll have him call you back as soon as he has the time.” With that, Louis hangs up and hands the phone back to Harry who is full on laughing now.

“I think you got me in trouble. Well, more trouble.” Harry mutters, turning his phone on silent and setting it down on Louis’ dresser. He sighs and falls backwards on the bed, right into Louis’ blanket covered lap.

Louis tilts his head at the naked body before him, long and stretched out, covered in love bites from the night before. He eyes the butterfly tattoo in particular. He reaches forward and tickles it lightly, smiling when Harry slaps his hand away and starts giggling.

“Stop it.”

“I’m not the one with a dumb butterfly on my stomach. You’re a giant pun.”

Harry pouts. “It’s pretty, Lou, don’t you love it?”

Louis rolls his eyes, but leans down to kiss the butterfly anyway. “I love it, babe.” He says, smiling when Harry smiles.

“We should probably get dressed,” Harry mutters sadly. “They’ll be coming back soon and I doubt Zayn and Liam would enjoy seeing all of this.”

“Did they know?”

“Of course, just about everyone did except for you.” Harry replies, laughing.

Louis pushes the boy out of his lap and gets up to get dressed. “You are the actual worst, Harry Styles.” He grumbles, pulling on a pair of pants and skinny jeans before reaching for Harry’s discarded jumper from yesterday. He slips it on without a word and turns to see Harry watching him and smiling.

“Oh,” he says suddenly, noticing that Harry has yesterday’s jeans on and nothing else. “You don’t have a shirt…you can borrow one of Liam’s if you want-”

Harry shakes his head, still smiling. “I’ll just take one of yours so we’re even.”

Louis rolls his eyes but tugs open his drawer, sifting through jumpers until he lands on a black one thats too big for him. When Harry puts it on he has to roll the sleeves up to his elbows. Louis pretends it doesn’t make his heart pound a little harder.

They’re about to leave to go to the hotel and find the other boys when Louis starts laughing. Harry stops what he’s doing and frowns.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asks, looking all around the room trying to find the source of the boy’s laughter.

Louis walks up and presses two fingers down onto a love bite on Harry’s neck. It’s not even that big but it’s definitely noticeable. He can practically see the other boy’s faces when they see it. Harry rushes off to the bathroom and laughs when he catches sight of it in the mirror.

“Fuck, Louis what the hell am I supposed to do about this?” He demands.

Louis laughs even louder and has to sit down to calm himself. “Put a cold spoon on it or something. You’re a superstar, don’t you have cover up?”

“This isn’t funny, Lou!” Harry whines, though he’s smiling to himself in the bathroom. Louis giggles to himself and puts on a smile when Harry finally drags himself out of the bathroom. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “You know what? If you think it’s so funny you can take full credit for it.”

“Thing’s a beauty, I’d love to take credit for it Styles.” Louis challenges, standing up and crossing his arms over his chest.

Harry does something on his phone and motions for him to come over. When Louis does, he sees Harry has the camera open and it’s currently pointed at himself. Harry pulls him over and up against his chest so they’re facing each other. Louis frowns and Harry just smiles. “Say cheese.” He says, before the sound of the camera going off punctuates the silence.

Louis turns around and laughs when he sees the picture. Harry’s grinning like an absolute loon, you can just barely see one of Louis’ eyes from where he’s leaning against the boy, and the love bite is on full display. It’s a stupid picture, but Louis gasps when he sees what Harry is doing with it.

“You can’t post it to twitter!” He tries to reach for the phone but Harry is already halfway across the room, typing the caption as fast as he can. By the time Louis reaches him, he’s shouting in success.

 _Meet Louis._ The tweet says, with a link to the picture. Louis’s pretty sure his mouth is hanging open at this point.

“You just-”

“They’re always telling me to communicate with the fans more,” Harry laughs, watching as the notifications roll in. “Think of it this way, they had to meet my boyfriend one way or another.”

Louis just shakes his head and walks back to the bed. “I cannot believe you just basically told twenty million people that we had sex.”

“I did not,” Harry defends. “I just told them I have an extremely attractive boyfriend with a mouth.”

Louis rolls his eyes and reaches for his buzzing phone. He doesn’t check to see who it is but he should have because he’s met with a piercing scream.

Lottie.

“Louis William Tomlinson,” she shouts over the phone, so loud even Harry looks up in surprise. “You did not tell me you were dating Harry Styles!”

“I told you he was my friend, Lots-”

“Friends don’t suck each other’s necks!”

Louis cringes a bit at that. “Well, yeah that’s true-”

He’s cut off by another scream. Harry chuckles, still looking down at his phone. “That one might’ve been because of me.” He admits.

“Harry Styles just followed me on twitter-Louis I’m never going to forgive you for this ever. This does not make up for the canceled concert, I want backstage passes and everything this time.”

Louis falls back on his bed with a huff and rolls his eyes. This is his life now.

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

 

Harry stops to pose with the last person in the small line that formed after Louis’ show. Inside he sort of feels bad for taking all the attention away from the show, but at least no one bothered him during it. He got to watch Louis light up the stage all over again just like last night and he was even better than before.

Gemma walks up with Louis and Eleanor in tow, each out of there costumes. Harry goes for Eleanor first, kissing her quickly on the cheek and congratulating her on a great show, before moving to kiss Louis full on the mouth

“Alright we get it, the picture was more than enough.” Gemma calls out.

Louis pulls away and promptly flips her off. “Fuck you, I’m still mad at you.” He says, but he’s smiling. When they all finally met up after Liam and Zayn’s stay at the hotel, Louis had chewed Gemma out for keeping such a large secret from him for so long. He then turned that anger on Liam and Zayn who only found it hilarious. Allison had just watched the whole exchange with a grin and declared Operation True Love a success before she had to take off back to London for a meeting. Harry also thinks she misses Niall, he could practically see the anticipation of seeing the other boy in her eyes.

“We’re staying in the hotel again tonight.” Liam pipes up.

Louis frowns. “Why? You can come back to the dorm it’s not like we’re going to jump on one another.”

Gemma snorts. “Yeah, right.”

“Shut it Styles.” Louis snaps. Gemma just sticks her tongue out at him and grins.

Liam’s eyes stray to Harry and he shrugs. “Harry asked if we could, we figured we’d just take Allison’s bed for the night since she’s gone.”

Louis frowns and looks up at Harry who breaks out into a cold sweat. “Why did you ask them to stay out?” He asks quietly.

Harry coughs and considers lying, but doesn’t. “I have some things I want to talk to you about. Besides, it’s our last night together for who knows how long.”

The older boy still looks a bit suspicious but he doesn’t protest when he says goodbye to his friends and they leave, walking to Louis’ dorm in the dark night with their hands intertwined.

“I love you Louis, you know that?” Harry whispers as they pass by a street light.

Louis looks up, glowing in the faint light, and smiles. “Yeah, I know. I think I might love you too, a little bit.”

Harry rolls his eyes and pulls the boy in for a short kiss. Louis bites at Harry’s lip and tugs, giggling playfully until he pulls away fully. They walk the rest of the way with their hands swinging between them.

“So, what did you need to talk about?” Louis asks skipping into his dorm and flopping down on his bed.

Harry smiles fondly and sits down beside him. “I wanted to tell you about this boy. About Jack.”

Louis raises an eyebrow. “Jack? This your boy on the side, then?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “No, idiot, there is no boy on the side and you know it. Jack was my first sort of boyfriend.”

“Sort of?” Louis asks, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

Harry takes a deep breath and starts his story. It’s almost like he’s sixteen again, fresh off the X-Factor tour, moving into his new apartment that’s too big for himself but his manager was the one who set it up, not him. He remembers a knock at the door after the movers had left him with a house full of boxes and quiet emptiness. He had expected it to be the movers coming back to say they forgot a box, but that’s not what he got when he opened the door.

He got Jack.

Jack was eighteen at the time, taller than Harry with jet black hair and eyes to match, and just all around possibly the most attractive person Harry had ever met. Jack had smiled and said, “Well, I heard we had a star moving into the neighborhood.”

Harry’s not sure why he bought the lies Jack fed him. Maybe it was the way he managed to sound so sincere about everything, or maybe it was the way he smiled and laughed as he told stories about his rich and now deceased father who left him money to go to uni and get a flat with. Either way, Harry ate it up, every word.

The first kiss was really a surprise. Jack had come over for dinner and they were sitting on the couch watching a movie afterward, when suddenly the older boy was kissing him. It was Harry’s first kiss and it was pretty good actually, as far as kisses go.

There were a million kisses after that, everyday when Jack would come over they’d share a good night kiss, or a happy to see you kiss, or a just because kiss. It was perfect, everything was perfect and Harry thought he was in love, until one day Paul did a background check on the kid and found out he worked for a paper. A paper that happened to be interested in running an article on whether or not Harry Styles was gay.

Jack wasn’t eighteen, he was twenty. He didn’t have a rich dead dad, he had a string of undercover work that he’d done for the paper. He didn’t love Harry, he loved the money he could make off him.

And he did make money off him. It took a lot but his management was finally able to strike up a deal with Jack and the paper and they settled on an outrageous sum to keep quiet. Harry sat with his mum in tears for days. It was all pointless. His first and last relationship was a failure and Jack moved out of his flat three days later. Four days later Allison Arthur was Harry’s official beard.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis sighs once he’s finished telling the story. “Sweetheart, that’s horrible, I’m so sorry.”

Harry just shrugs. “I guess I deserved it for thinking I could be happy like that.”

“Hey, no,” Louis says sternly. “Baby, that’s not true. You know that’s not true, you can be happy like that again.”

“That’s why I’m so worried,” Harry mumbles. “Because I am happy like that again.”

Louis goes still and looks off at the other wall numbly. For a moment, Harry’s afraid that he’s offended him, but then Louis is slowly moving closer to him and he suddenly has a lap full of the boy. Louis’ arms go up around Harry’s neck and he rests his head against Harry’s shoulder. Neither of them say anything for awhile, Louis just hugs him as close as possible. Harry finally wraps his arms around the other boy and squeezes.

“I would never do that to you,” Louis whispers. “I loved you before I knew who you were and I’m still going to keep loving you as long as you let me. You don’t have to worry, baby, there’s nothing to worry about.”

And deep down, Harry knew that all along but it’s so nice to hear it from Louis that he almost cries. A tear slips through, just one, and gets lost between the two of them.

“I love you, Louis. And I do trust you, I trust you with every piece of me and that’s absolutely terrifying.”

“I can imagine,” Louis murmurs, kissing the side of Harry’s neck. “But you don’t need to be afraid. All I want is you, nothing else.”

Harry buries his head against Louis’ hair, breathing in the scent of his soap and cologne and something else that’s just Louis. They stay that way for a few minutes before Louis starts to squirm away. Reluctantly, Harry lets him go and watches as he pulls out a bin of food from beneath his bed.

“You’re eating microwavable mac and cheese with me whether you like it or not Styles.” He announces, coming up with two containers off the stuff. Harry must make a face because Louis laughs and just tugs on his arm. “Come on superstar, you can see how the rest of us live.”

That’s how Harry ends up in the dimly lit communal kitchen, watching Louis work the microwave and sing songs from his show. It’s completely ridiculous and silly but that’s just Louis and that’s how Harry likes him.

It’s in that moment, watching Louis stir cheese into his bowl while Harry’s cooks and singing about happy faces, that Harry realizes he has never been so in love with anyone in his life. And it’s perfect.


	19. Epilogue

_Louis:_

 

Louis is rethinking a pair of those giant headphones right about now. Lou, some woman with cool hair who stole his name and his Harry as soon as they arrived, had offered him and Lottie a pair like the kind her daughter Lux had on. Lottie had refused because she didn’t want to miss any of the music, and Louis said no because he is a twenty-one year old man not a toddler. Now he’s watching that toddler with envy as his eardrums practically rupture backstage.

All this for a guy.

Harry Goddamn Styles.

He looks over to the stage where Harry is bouncing around like a complete idiot. He’s picked up a pair of giant sunglasses which have been thrown at him and he’s wearing them, looking completely serious as he finishes out the ending note of a song. Lottie is laughing and cheering along with the rest of the crowd.

Harry stops bouncing long enough to find his mic stand. He sets his microphone on it carefully, taking the sunglasses off and discarding them somewhere to his right. Out of nowhere, a stage hand appears with a guitar. Harry smiles at him and thanks him quietly.

“So um, this next one is kind of special,” He says bashfully, his words reverberating throughout the gigantic arena and making him seem suddenly incredibly small. “I wrote it for someone and you, um, can probably guess who. He’s really the most important part of my life and this song is just so he’ll know.”

The crowd whoops loudly and wildly. Like Harry said, they probably do know who he’s talking about because if there’s one thing Louis’ boy is not, it’s subtle. Ever since he got out of rehab and Louis got out of school, they’ve spent hours upon hours just being together. Sometimes they’re photographed walking around holding hands, but neither boy is really bothered by it. Harry is proud of himself and how far he’s come, and Louis is just proud and happy to see Harry happy.

Harry’s come a long way. Louis and the rest of the boys helped him pack up his old, massive flat to move into the same building as Allison in a smaller flat that Lily seems to enjoy much more, if that means anything. He took even more time off after getting out of rehab and continues to see a therapist to talk through any problems he has. In fact, tonight is his first concert on his new tour. Lottie had insisted on coming along with Harry’s friends from rehab, Alexis and Jaden, who Louis actually likes very much. They’re a lot better than the “friends” Harry used to have. Plus, they understand what Harry goes through everyday more than anyone else ever really could.

Louis crosses his arms over his chest and watches on with pride in his eyes as Harry starts to play the familiar sounding chords. He still sings it for Louis sometimes if he can’t sleep at night.

“Now you were standing there right in front of me. I hold on, it's getting harder to breathe. All of a sudden these lights are blinding me, I never noticed how bright they would be.” Harry sings, his voice deep and full of emotion. He looks off stage and must catch eyes with Louis even from there because he smiles as he sings the rest of the song.

Louis claps and yells just as loudly as everyone else at the end. Lottie eyes him and sighs.

“You two are disgusting.” She says-or yells, really-over the applause.

Louis just laughs and nods. “Yeah, we kind of are.” And he’s okay with that. He is definitely okay with being completely in love with Harry Goddamn Styles.

“Think you’ll end up together forever?” Lottie asks, tilting her head slightly.

Laughing harder, Louis nods and shrugs a bit. “Bet you a tenner.”

 

* * *

 

_Harry:_

 

All of his post-concert energy is built up beyond belief but Harry stops running around long enough to grab Louis and pull him in for a full on, long, deep kiss. The older boy smiles into it, ignoring the groaning of his friends and Lottie behind them. He pulls back, pecking Louis’ lips a few times before just leaning their foreheads together and smiling.

“I did good?” He asks quietly.

Louis caresses his face softly and nods. “Baby, you smashed it.”

Harry breaks out into a full grin and kisses Louis once more. They drop their hands from each other’s faces and let them tangle together. Harry holds on tightly as he gets all his congratulations from his friends and the various members of the crew who pass by. Lux feels the need to plant a sloppy kiss on his face and he just laughs. Nothing could bring him down at this point. Nothing.

Since it’s the first concert, it’s just in London and he luckily doesn’t have to head for a hotel. After saying goodbye to everyone, and taking his time saying goodbye to Alexis and Jaden, promising them a lunch out sometime in the future, he Louis and Lottie head home.

“You did great Harry, thanks for the tickets.” Lottie says on the ride home.

Harry just grins and reaches over to ruffle her hair like he knows she hates.

“And I didn’t even have to work for them this time.” Louis says, smiling to himself. He leans in closer to Harry, burrowing his way under the younger boy’s arm and closing his eyes. Harry smiles softly and brushes his fingers through Louis’ feathery fringe until his breathing evens out and he’s asleep.

Lottie takes this as an opportunity to pounce. “You hurt him and my mom will make good on every promise she ever made to you. And I’ll help.”

Harry laughs softly and stops brushing at his boyfriend’s hair to reach out a pinky to the younger girl. Smiling, she hooks her own through it and tugs.

“Can’t break a pinky promise, it’s highly illegal.” He informs her once they’ve separated.

Lottie rolls her eyes. “You’re such an idiot in person, I don’t know why I was ever so nervous to meet you.” But she’s grinning, so Harry knows she means it with love.

The car pulls into the parking garage at Harry’s new building slowly. Not wanting to deal with a grumpy boyfriend, Harry easily picks Louis up and carries him bridal style through the garage and all the way up to his flat, all while Lottie makes jokes about him being so domestic. All he can think about is how he would have never been able to carry Louis like this only months ago.

“Goodnight Harry, thanks again.” Lottie says quietly as she heads for the guest room.

Harry just smiles at her and whispers a goodnight, before letting Lily lead the way into his bedroom. The cat jumps up onto the bed and curls up at the bottom, looking like a white fuzzball once her face disappears. Harry just smiles and carefully lays Louis down on the side of the bed he’s claimed as his own over the past few months. The fact that they always end up in the middle, tangled together, is apparently irrelevant to him.

Harry takes Louis pants and shoes off as quietly and softly as possible before doing the same and sinking into bed beside him.

“Haz.” Louis croaks, his arms reaching out.

Harry pulls himself forward and kisses the older boy’s forehead. “Right here, Lou.”

Louis’ little frown straightens out and turns into a smile. “Good,” he whispers, tucking his head into Harry’s shoulder. “Stay forever.”

“Forever, Lou.”

And forever is a very long time, but Harry knows that Louis is exactly who he wants to spend it with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it. :)
> 
> I'd like to thank my roommate Grace who loves me even when I'm annoying-and who once told me I couldn't fix all my problems with easy mac, but what does she know honestly?-and everyone who took the time to leave a comment, or kudos, or just to read this. You're all amazing and I love you. 
> 
> I'm working on another chaptered fic (I know you're all rolling your eyes at me, don't worry I am too) and a few oneshots so keep a look out for those. Thanks again for reading and I hope you've enjoyed this crazy rollercoaster ride of a fic :)


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